One Hell Of a Ninja
by wille179
Summary: A small mistake in the sealing of the Kyuubi has interesting repercussions on the life of one blond-haired boy, namely that he has not one, but two fathers. Alive!Minato, Father!Kurama, Strong!Demon!Naruto.
1. Chapter 1, Prologue 1: Seal and Souls

**A/N: I wrote this for myself, but I'm sharing it with you all. This is a soft-AU, so things might be slightly different than in canon. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

There was a flaw in the seal holding back the Kyūbi no Kitsune. It wasn't a symptomatic flaw, nor was it a flaw in the symbols that made up the seal. Thus, it was not a flaw that could have been spotted before it became apparent. And yet, it was the reason the Hyūga nurse had hurriedly excused herself from the room, leaving one four-month pregnant Kushina Uzumaki confused and very worried.

When the nurse returned a good fifteen minutes later, she wasn't alone. Three other men followed her in: Sato-sensei, her OB/GYN; Kimura-sensei, the hospital's chakra specialist; and, most alarmingly, her pale-as-a-ghost husband. Kushina, being the bright woman she was, connected the dots instantly, and the resulting picture hit her like a rasengan to the stomach. She stood. "No..."

Kimura-sensei raised his hands and motioned for her to calm down. "Now, now, Kushina-sama, Hyūga-san spotted something during your checkup and wanted me to confirm her observations. If you would please take of your shirt?" When she did, he held out his hand a few inches in front of her abdomen. At the same time, the pale-eyed nurse activated her bloodline again. "Now, would you channel chakra to your feet, as if you were performing the tree-walking exercise? Just a small amount will do," the chakra specialist requested.

Kushina's hands instinctively came together to form the ram seal. Less than a second later, Kimura ordered her to stop. "It's as we feared. Kushina, as of this moment, I am ordering you to never draw upon your chakra again until your baby is born. The seal on your abdomen is leaking the kyūbi's chakra into your uterus whenever you draw upon your own, and it has already... had an effect on your child."

The fourth hokage, upon hearing that, looked away from his wife and towards the chakra specialist. "What sort of effects?" he pleaded.

Sato put his hand on Kimura's shoulder. "Allow me, Kimura-san." The OB/GYN stepped up, while the chakra specialist ducked back a few steps. "As you know, I am also a chakra sensor, and between what Kimura-san, Hyūga-san, and I have all observed so far, I have a theory.

"You've probably felt that whenever you achieve orgasm, your body releases a large amount of chakra, yes? Every _fertile_ human, man or woman, civilian or ninja, will release up to thirty percent of their chakra upon orgasm, unless they otherwise hold it back. This chakra is critical to the development of the fetus. When the father's sperm, saturated in his chakra, fuses with the mother's egg, saturated in hers, it forms the child's chakra for the very first time, as well as the 'seed' from which the child's soul will grow," Sato explained.

"And when Minato got me pregnant..." a rapidly paling Kushina realized.

"Yes. The seal of the kyūbi leaks chakra into your seventh abdominal tenketsu, the one used almost exclusively for feeding a fetus chakra, instead of your nearby fifth abdominal tenketsu," the OB/GYN confirmed.

Here, the chakra specialist added, "And with how dense and potent the kyūbi's chakra is, it almost certainly displaced the chakra on Minato-sama's sperm. In other words, while Minato is the father of your child's _body,_ your child's _soul_ was fathered by the Kyūbi no Kitsune."

"What do you mean-" Minato exclaimed. Kushina had opened her mouth, ready to shout even louder than her husband, but a strong pull from her gut silenced her. Her eyes rolled back in her skull, and she passed out.

A second later, Kushina Uzumaki woke to the sight of the Kyūbi, staked down onto the stone disk of the seal as usual. However, instead of his normal expression of pained rage, he bore a goofy-grin. And then he, of all things, giggled.

" **Kurama."**

Kushina blinked. That single word, combined with his expression, momentarily defused her rage. "What?"

" **Kurama. My name is Kurama. You are the mother of my child. It is only fair I tell you my name."**

"Your child? My child is nothing of yours!" Kushina screamed.

" **Believe what you want, Kushina-baka,"** Kurama replied dismissively. **"Your son is my son as well; my power courses through his veins, as I now see. And because of that, I'm changing the terms of our** _ **deal."**_

"What are you doing, Kyūbi?" Kushina demanded.

" **My name is Kurama. I'm only helping you. From now on, as long as it's in the defense of** _ **our**_ **son, you may freely use as much of my chakra as you wish. Additionally, I will give you access to my emotion-sensing ability, and up my efforts to heal you whenever you are injured. In return, I expect you to love our child with all your heart, defend him, and help him grow up strong enough to be worthy of being my heir."** Suddenly, the bijū giggled again, a noise that had no right coming out of the behemoth fox's mouth. **"My** _ **heir.**_ **Oh, father, I must look like you did when Indra and Asura were born. Now I know how you felt. Hah!"**

Lost in his own thoughts, Kurama barely even noticed the strained, confused expression on Kushina's face. For the first time in Kushina's and Mito Uzumaki's combined lifetimes, he was showing a side of himself that he had never shown either of his former jinchūriki before. And for the first time, Kushina found herself feeling the tailed-beast's chakra without the malice it normally held; it was still toxic and aggressive feeling, but playful and bubbly as well. "What has gotten into you?" Kushina asked, flabbergasted.

" **The question is, what has gotten into** _ **you?**_ **The answer: my son! Hah hah! Never let it be said that foxes, even demon ones, make bad fathers."**

Kushina, having nothing more to say to the fox, and now suddenly free from its pull, climbed out of the seal and back into the waking world, where a very concerned Minato Namikaze stood above her. "Minato?"

"Kushina! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I..." A though struck the red-haired woman. "Minato, do you remember when I first told you that I was pregnant?"

He blinked. "Um, yes. Kushina, I don't think this is the time. What just happened? Was it the Kyūbi?"

"No, Minato, I'm serious. Just humor me with this: I need you to try to make that goofy smile again."

"Uhh... sure?" Despite the hesitance of his reply, he immediately cast himself back into his memories, trying to recall the exact feeling. A second later, a good replica of that smile appeared on his face.

Upon seeing it, Kushina groaned. "Damn. There's no way he was faking that."

"Who?"

"Kurama. The kyūbi."

* * *

Over the next four and a half months, Kurama regularly pulled Kushina into the seal. At first, it was only for a few minutes at a time, but it steadily grew longer and longer, the more Kushina and Kurama got to know each other. By the first month, they were telling jokes, and by the second, Kushina would count Kurama as one of her best friends and precious people, third only to her husband and Mikoto Uchiha.

At first, their conversations were strictly about the now named Naruto Ōtsutsuki-Namikaze, named after Kurama and his father and Naruto's grandfather, Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki, the Sage of Six Paths (though the baby would publicly be known only as Naruto Namikaze). Then those conversations grew to encompass history and techniques that Kurama wanted to pass onto Naruto, and then to techniques Kushina could use to defend her son with. Eventually, the two felt comfortable discussing anything under the sun, which was how Kushina discovered that Kurama could tell jokes so bawdy that they could overcome her own anti-pervert sensibilities and, upon retelling, make the great Jiraiya blush redder than Kushina's hair.

But, on occasion, Kurama would drop bombshells on the happy family, often without meaning to. For instance, while discussing potential training regimens, Kurama said, **"I think he'll be able to handle more than that. After all, he is a demon."**

"Kurama? What do you mean, 'he is a demon?'"

" **Exactly that,"** the bijū replied matter-of-factly. **"His soul was formed with demon chakra. Ergo, he is a demon."**

"But Minato and I are humans! Wouldn't he be only a quarter demon?" Kushina inquired.

" **No. You're either a demon, or you aren't. If you have even the tiniest bit of demon chakra, you are a demon. A weak one, perhaps, but a demon. And anything can be a demon, even spirits, like kitsune, and gods, like the shinigami, can also be demons."**

"And what does that mean for Naruto?" Kushina asked, quite worried. She'd heard horror stories about demons, some of them from Kurama himself. Be it the demons themselves, or the humans around them, someone always seemed to suffer when they clashed. If Naruto was a demon, would the village demand her son's death? Would he be sealed away? On the other hand, would Naruto live a normal life until something happened and someone got hurt because of him? Kushina didn't know, and maternal worry filled her being.

The supernaturally empathetic kitsune frowned. **"I don't know. Until his powers start to manifest, there's no telling what he will be able to do, or if he will even remain human-like in appearance."**

* * *

The day of Naruto's birth was a mixed one. The masked man attacked and captured the newborn Naruto, and then unsealed and hypnotized Kurama into attacking Konohagakure. After taking his son and wife to safety, the fourth hokage fought off the masked man, while the subverted bijū rampaged. However, after Minato landed a good hit against the masked man and placed the contract seal on him, the man's connection to Kurama snapped, and the bijū froze in place. Then the masked man fled.

Kurama, upon realizing that he was free both of the seal and the mind jutsu, closed his eyes and leapt back towards the forests that surrounded the village. There, he sat on his haunches and bellowed, **"NAMIKAZE! UZUMAKI! WHERE IS MY SON?"**

From all the way at the safe house, Minato heard the beast's call. In an instant, he flashed alone to the closest hiraishin marker, then body-flickered the rest of the way to the waiting bijū. As soon as he arrived, Minato shouted, "They are safe, Kurama-san."

Kurama nodded. **"Thank you, Minato-sama. And thank you for freeing me from that Uchiha's control. Having one's will subverted by the sharingan is a horrid experience."** Being as close to the edge of the village as they were, having had some time since he stopped moving, and with how loud Kurama's speaking voice was, Minato was hardly the only ninja within earshot. Add in the fact that lip-reading was a basic ninja skill, and Kurama's words were hardly secret to any ninja in the village. Then, as if realizing that fact, Kurama vanished in a puff of chakra smoke, which then rushed inwards to fill a sudden vacuum. When it cleared, there stood a man that could have been mistaken for an Uzumaki, were it not for his orange hair or the nine orange tails twirling behind him. "Now, Minato-sama, we have something really important to talk about. But first, I would like to hold my son, and I think you would too."

Minato nodded, both agreeing with the literal intent of Kurama's words and the hidden message of "let's speak in private." With a flash, the two vanished, leaving behind several confused ninja.

Appearing back at the safe house, they arrived just in time to see Kushina stumbling out of the front door. "Kushina!" both men exclaimed.

"Minato!" She blinked. "Kurama?" The transformed bijū nodded. "What happened?"

The two men helped her inside and laid her back down on the bed next to Naruto, who was sleeping soundly. Using the sleeve of his hokage robes, Minato wiped the blood off of Kushina's lipps, blood that she'd coughed up during the unsealing.

"Minato-sama," Kurama said once Kushina was resting. "I want to be as far away from this accursed village as I can. Twice now, the Uchiha have subverted my mind, and my intuition tells me that it may happen again. I can feel a mokuton user in the village, and it was your first hokage's mokuton that captured my brothers and sisters. Were it not for the fact that doing so would deprive you, Kushina, and Naruto a home, and thus harm Naruto, I would gladly destroy this village and devour everyone in it."

Minato flared his chakra and grabbed a hiraishin kunai.

"Make no mistake," Kurama continued without even batting an eye, "I am the enemy of this village, but you hold something of far greater value to me, and that is why I do not attack. Were it not for Naruto, I would still despise Kushina for torturing me every single moment I was inside her, but as it is, I hold no grudge against her. Or you, for that matter. You have done me no wrong, and have done me several favors, Minato-sama. I owe you, which is why I offer you this choice: I will take Naruto with me, away from this place, and train him as my heir. You can either come with me, or visit whenever you like. Alternatively, _Kushina_ can seal me away inside of _Naruto_ , so that I may protect him from the inside."

Minato, being the loyal leaf ninja that he was, didn't even consider the first option. So he asked, "Why Kushina? Why not me?"

Kurama. "Because... I smell death on her. Her chakra is failing. Without help, I doubt she would live a week. With it, maybe she'll survive, but if she does, she'll be without her chakra for the rest of her life. It will be a short, miserable experience. Sacrifice yourself if you want, but know what you're leaving behind."

* * *

The moment Minato figured that the village situation was stable enough that he could take a small break (mentally justifying it by the fact that he was leaving a shadow clone behind), Minato flashed back to the safe house. There, he finally was allowed a good, long look at his son. On top of Naruto's head was short, golden blond hair that reminded the fourth so much of himself. On his face, three dark, jagged, whisker-like markings dotted each cheek. His little hand, which was poking out from under the blankets, had fingers tipped in little claws.

Minato mentally scaled up both of those features, trying to visualize the baby as an adult. He looked at his own hand, felt his own face, and realized that those features, while adorable now, would look quite savage on an adult.

Naruto stirred. And then, for the first time in his short little life, he opened his eyes. His three parents gasped, but none gasped louder than Kurama, who swooped in and put his face right in front of Naruto's. The little boy looked back up with unfocused, solid purple eyes. Save for the tiny, circular pupils in the center, his eyes were one solid hue with no boundary between purple iris and equally purple sclera. "Kurama?" the exhausted Kushina asked.

"It's the rinnegan! Or, at least, a defective, incomplete version of it," the fox explained.

"Incomplete?"

"Yes. It's missing the concentric rings. What this means for Naruto, I have no idea. Perhaps he can do everything my father could; perhaps he can do none of it. Only time will tell."

* * *

As Kurama had predicted, Kushina succumbed to the combined stress of childbirth and bijū extraction and died only two nights later. Kurama watched the funeral from a distance, and though the world saw him as stoic, he mourned silently.

In the end, Hiruzen Sarutobi was the one to finally seal Kurama away. The kitsune was getting antsy, and with one of Naruto's parents deceased, there was very little stopping him from taking Naruto and running. Yet, when the former hokage came to seal the kyūbi, he went without complaint.

The reaper claimed Hiruzen's life a moment later.

In the end, there was mourning, and then there was unease. Not many had died in the initial attack, but the lingering chakra of the kyūbi caused almost every civilian pregnancy, and a sizable number of kunoichi pregnancies to miscarry. Kurama's own words meant that much of that anger was directed at the Uchiha clan. That Uchiha children were also lost was lost on most people, who now refused to meet the eyes of any Uchiha at all, sharingan or otherwise.

As for the now ostracized clan, their grieving families turned to the rest of them and demanded answers. Under the assumption that there was a traitor among them who had orchestrated an attack on their own home, their own heirs, the clan turned its gaze upon itself, and did not like what they found. Though the primary culprit, a man by the name of Madara Uchiha, was not found, several others guilty of comparatively minor crimes were found. They were executed a week later.

As the village recovered, which ended up being a fairly swift process, rumors started cropping up. The kyūbi was apparently intelligent, and was willing to allow itself to be resealed for the sake of its son, so who was his son? That he was intelligent, and that the fourth claimed a degree of friendly acquaintanceship with the fox also had people speculating. Who was he? What were his intentions? The fact that he was a father who had, the moment he was free from hypnosis, asked for his son, garnered him some sympathy among the denizens of Konoha.

* * *

When people talked, spies listened. As it just so happened, one of those spies was from Kumo. When that spy eventually sent his report, the raikage's brother, Killer B, was in the room when A received it Upon hearing the report, a two-tailed chakra cloak materialized around the jinchūriki.

"Killer B?" the surprised raikage asked.

"Oh come now, this ain't me, bro. Gyūki says we have to go!" Killer B rapped, though his voice was questioning in tone. Then, with no further warning, the eight-tailed jinchūriki bolted out of the room with bijū enhanced speed.

The raikage facepalmed.

One of his ANBU materialized next to him. "Raikage-sama?" The raikage made a noncommittal grunt and just waved his hand. He knew Killer B wouldn't get into trouble, and figured that this was just one of those things that he had to let slide.

Probably.

Maybe.

On second thought... "Follow him. Make sure he doesn't screw up anything too badly. And also, when he does cause trouble, make sure that the people in his path know that he's doing it of his own will, and is not acting on orders from Kumo."

"Yes."


	2. Chapter 2, Prologue 2: Demon's Birth

Naruto Ōtsutsuki-Namikaze was an energetic five year old boy. Even among ninja-born children, who were healthy and energetic by nature, Naruto could just go on and on. Aside from that, and aside from his odd appearance, he was a fairly normal child.

Well, normal if one ignored the fact that he'd often stop, stare blankly for a moment as he listened to something only he could hear, and then giggle. Or that he would always refer to his father as "Minato-tousan" and someone no one else could see as "Kurama-tousan." Or the fact that he often whined about being "hungry" for something no food would satisfy, but couldn't quite say what it was that he hungered for. Or the fact that he radiated enough demonic chakra at all times to have the presence of a chūnin that never bothered with hiding their chakra.

So in that regard, he wasn't actually all that normal. Not that it mattered all that much to his father. Minato smiled as he thought of the eternally upbeat boy, who with barely any effort could make anyone, even the most depressed of individuals, happy. His smile really was quite infectious.

That smile was smashed off his face as one Itachi Uchiha burst through the door. "Hokage-sama! Something's wrong with Naruto! At the Uchiha Compound!" The last syllable had barely finished emerging from Itachi's mouth before a strong hand grabbed his shoulder and flashed them both to his home.

They arrived to find Mikoto holding down Naruto, who appeared to be having an epileptic fit, while a crying Sasuke looked on from a short distance away. Red chakra bubbled around Naruto in two distinct layers, both of which were burning Mikoto's hands. "Naruto!" his father exclaimed.

"Minato-sama! I don't know know what's going on!" the distraught woman exclaimed.

Minato pushed her aside and grabbed his son's arms. The burning pain was staggering, but Minato grit his teeth and struggled through it. For a second, Naruto relaxed, allowing Minato an instant to adjust his grip. In that moment, he placed his hand on the very visible seal on Naruto's abdomen. _"Kurama!"_

" _ **Let go, you idiots! Naruto needs this, and you're only hurting yourselves!"**_ The Kitsune's disembodied voice reverberated through Minato's head loudly enough that Minato complied without hesitation. The moment he did, Naruto stopped struggling, and a second later, the outer, thicker layer of chakra vanished.

Then, an instant later, Naruto screamed. His back arched and his claws dug into the ground. His body stretched and grew, tearing through his small clothes, while from his shoulders, four more arms sprouted. On his head, hair receded from the back of his head and two more faces took its place. In each of their mouths, his teeth, especially his canines, elongated into fangs. His ears, now three in total, stretched out into elongated points. And from the base of his spine, a thin, barbed, lizard-like tail erupted out.

All of that would take a while to say, but in actuality, the entire transformation lasted less than a quarter of a second, and the moment it finished, the remaining chakra around the boy vanished as well. Naruto groaned, opened his eyes, blinked his six eyes once, then twice, and then looked up at his father. "Oh, hi Minato-tousan!" He paused. "My voice sounds weird."

To the people around him, it did sound weird, as it was spoken with three different mouths facing three different directions, all talking in perfect sync, while the voice coming out of each mouth sounded like that of a twelve year old, not a five year old. But to Naruto himself, it was even weirder, since he was hearing it with a different number of differently shaped ears.

Minato brushed aside the shredded remains of Naruto's shirt and placed his hand once more on the seal. _"Kurama."_

The bijū paid the Hokage no mind, and instead addressed their son. _**"Congratulations, Kit. You've awoken your true form. I'm so proud of you! How do you feel?"**_

" _Heheh! Thanks, Kurama-tousan! I feel really good!"_ Naruto replied in his head, which his human father heard through the seal.

"Good? Are you sure?" Minato asked. "You looked like you were in a lot of pain."

"No, it felt good!" Naruto assured him.

" _ **For demons, regaining their true forms after a long time is quite pleasurable, much like that of a lonely man and his hand,"**_ Kurama replied. The bijū snickered as he felt Minato seeth at the fact that he was using innuendo inside of an "innocent" child's head, only for Minato to then recoil at the fact that Naruto was laughing as well. _**"Oh, don't look so aghast, Minato. Your wife told you how dirty my tales were, and I'm not going to censor myself in front of the only appreciative audience I have. I already made sure that he knows the**_ **ins and outs** _ **of sex, pun completely intended. If anything, you should be happy that I saved you the trouble of giving him 'the talk.'"**_

"Ugh," a disgusted Minato said, _"Ignoring the fact that you're corrupting my son worse than Jiraiya-sensei ever could, and we_ _ **will be talking about this later,**_ _what just happened and how do we reverse it?"_

" _ **Reverse it? You don't reverse a demon's awakening. Sure, he could learn to transform back into a pure human form, but that would be... Hang on."**_ Kurama paused for a second. _**"Minato, I want to confirm something real quick. Meanwhile, let Naruto-kun up so that he can explore his new body. In case you've forgotten, you are pinning him to the ground at the moment."**_ Minato, realizing that he was, in fact, pinning Naruto down, stood up and then helped his suddenly larger and six-armed son up.

Naruto, for his part, took only a few seconds to get used to the vastly different perspective and weight distribution before he was suddenly running towards Sasuke as if he'd always been that way. "Sasuke! Sasuke! Look at these!" He waved all six arms around in a way that made the onlookers wonder how he was coordinating all those limbs.

Meanwhile, Minato looked over at his late wife's best friend. "Mikoto, your hands? Are they alright?"

"Yes, they don't hurt..." The Uchiha matriarch trailed off, realizing what she was saying. She lifted her hands up and found none of the blisters that had been there only a minute ago. Looking at the Hokage's hand's, she saw that he too had hands in perfect condition, despite the flesh being cooked off by the corrosive chakra of both his son and the kyūbi. "Now that is interesting."

"I would still advise getting your clan medic to look at them," Minato advised. "I'll be having my own hands checked as well."

"If that's what your boy has in him normally, imagine his enemies when he turns his power against them," Mikoto replied.

"That won't be for a while yet," Minato remarked. He glanced at the two young boys, who had somehow dragged Itachi into helping Naruto play three games of cat's cradle at once. "He hasn't even begun chakra training yet; I've been hesitant, seeing as strange things like this could pop up at any time."

"Really?" Mikoto asked, surprised. "I was under the impression that he'd already started chakra training."

"Kurama," the Fourth muttered. Pretty much since square one, Minato had felt that Kurama had been treating raising Naruto as a game. Who could teach Naruto the most? Who could make him the strongest? Who could tell him the best stories? Who could be the best father?

Who could make Naruto love them the most?

It felt like another man had barged into his life and was stealing from him the only piece of his wife he had left, the son they had together, and in a sense, Minato was right, and rightfully jealous. Minato knew that. Minato also knew that Kurama was obsessed with making Naruto as strong as he could, in every way possible, so that the child could guarantee his own happiness. If Minato ever did something in his jealousy that hurt Naruto, he knew that the fox would do everything in its power to rob him of Naruto.

Of course, if he ever did anything to hurt Naruto, Minato knew that he wouldn't be able live with himself, nor face Kushina in the afterlife.

Minato was suddenly pulled out of his musings by his son's voice. He looked over just in time to see four of his son's six arms retract into his body and the extra faces to disappear. Then they reemerged, and then vanished once more. "Look what Kurama-tousan showed me!"

Minato smiled. "Oh, good job, Naruto!" He walked over to the boy and placed his hand once more on the seal.

" _ **Minato, I was right in my theory. The extra arms and faces are a modified part of the Asura path of the rinnegan, which has been incorporated as one of his three demonic abilities. He can add and remove extra body parts at will, and modify them into organic weaponry. The only changes here that are a part of his proper demon form are his increased size, his teeth, his tail, and the various internal changes,"**_ Kurama explained. _**"And I can teach him how to hide those as well."**_

" _I see,"_ Minato replied, quite honestly relieved. Though he had no illusions that Naruto would one day become a ninja, and that even now, his chances of having a normal childhood were slim-to-nothing, Minato still wanted one for his son.

Naruto, however, picked up on a different part of that explanation. _"I have three demonic powers?!"_

Kurama chuckled. _**"Yes, Kit, although I'm not too sure what your others are yets. I'll find more out as you grow up."**_

" _Aww..."_

Minato pulled his hand away. To the three Uchiha's, he said, "It seems that everything's under control now. Mikoto-san, Itachi-san, Sasuke-kun, I ask that you keep discreet about what you saw here today. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama," the three replied.

"Good. Now hang on one second." He vanished in a flash, and then returned a moment later with a bundle of clothing. "Naruto, here's some of my clothing. It'll be really big on you, but at least you'll have something to wear," Minato remarked, motioning to the tatters of his son's clothing.

"Nonsense!" Mikoto exclaimed. "I'll just let him borrow something of Itachi's for now."

"Thank you very much. Then I must be off for now. Mikoto-san, I'll be back to pick up Naruto at six, like we planned."

The Uchiha matron crossed her arms. "Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner? You never say yes, even though you're always welcome."

"Sorry again," Minato replied, flashing her an embarrassed grin before vanishing in a literal flash.

"That man..." She shook her head. "Come on, you little monsters. In you go," she motioned for the boys to go into the home. When Itachi tried to leave, she snagged his clothing. "Where do you think you're going, Itachi-kun? You haven't been spending enough time with Sasuke-kun; he's been missing you." Itachi didn't say a word, nor did he change his expression. He instead just turned and walked towards the house alongside his mother, yet she could feel him eagerly pulling ahead, if only slightly.

As for Naruto, as he was walking into the home, he could hear his demon father whispering into his mind. _**"Naruto, I lied to your father. I do know what one of your other powers is, and what the third might be. I lied because they should be your secret weapon. All great ninjas have secret weapons. To train them, we're going to have to get you away from Minato and the other ninjas, a challenge in and of itself. Do you think you're up to the task?"**_

Naruto gave his silent agreement. He was ready, and he trusted his fox-father.

* * *

Despite Kurama and Naruto's best efforts, it took a whopping four years to train up the latter's body and cultivate his reputation enough that they actually could make a feasible getaway. Four years of setting increasingly elaborate pranks, four years of causing trouble, four years of running every which way through the village, four years of mapping every last nook and cranny in the village so that he could give his pursuers the longest chase possible until he was eventually caught. He wanted the ninjas of the village to think that they could actually catch him without needing to involve his father every time, and he needed his father not to respond instantly to _every_ reported incident.

Then, when Naruto started the academy, he started skipping whenever possible. He never skipped test days, so that he could at least maintain his grades, but at every available opportunity, the young demon ditched class. Between his own efforts, the efforts of a cheerful Kurama, and the labors of an irritated Minato, Naruto managed to keep his grades in the low-middle range of students — nothing spectacular, but clearly in no danger of failing, either

But that was all according to plan. He could have been the top of his class, the shining example of a prodigy with all the power his lineage granted him. Instead, as Kurama put it, he was "a true ninja. One that excelled at making others look away and not look underneath the underneath."

And so, one day when Kurama's supernatural empathy told him that their pursuers were having a particularly bad time with all the traps they'd set, the great fox gave his son the all-clear. Naruto, grinning, put on a burst of chakra-enhanced speed and headed towards the village wall.

The moment he was out of sight of his pursuers, he ducked around a corner, made a single hand seal, and then resumed his mad (and highly visible) dash to the wall. Or rather, his clone did. The real Naruto _also_ made his way to the wall, but under a henge and taking a slightly different route which ran parallel to the clone's.

When they arrived, the clone set off the final trap: an itching powder smoke screen. Using that as a diversion, the real Naruto dove into a hole his clone had been carving out in secret and shifted into his demon form. With his extra limbs and strength, he quickly burrowed under the wall while sealing the path behind him. The moment he popped out on the other side, Naruto banished the extra limbs, henged into a non-descript adult, and zipped into the forest as fast as his now longer legs could carry him.

Meanwhile, his clone allowed itself to be caught. Unlike a normal shadow clone, the original Naruto knew this in real time. Because he was a demon, every bit of his chakra was still "him," meaning that, technically speaking, the clone was just as much the real deal as Naruto was, and if Naruto's flesh body was killed, he could continue living on as a living chakra construct, like his father. But that also meant that he had to see through the clone's eyes at all times. And while the clone was autonomous enough to move without hitting things, it did not possess a true copy of his consciousness, meaning that Naruto had to control it like the puppeteers of Suna.

That by itself would be fine; Naruto found that he could easily control up to five clones at a time before they became too much for him to handle. But, if he or any of his clones grew their Asura faces, each additional face meant that one clone had to be sacrificed. If both he and one other clone went all out, that was it; Naruto had a maximum of only a single fully-capable clone at a time. Thankfully, because of the sheer density of his demon chakra, that one clone felt just as solid as he was, and could probably have a limb ripped off without dispelling.

Minato, of course, knew none of this. He didn't even know that Kurama had taught Naruto the shadow clone jutsu. But that too was part of the plan. How would they get away if Naruto's blood father thought there was more of them out there? Both he and the clone had a hiraishin marker on their backs.

So, as the demon and the bijū escaped the village, the clone stayed behind to be lectured at by Iruka-sensei, then get dragged back to class, and then to fall asleep next to Shikamaru, as usual. To all the world, it appeared as if one Naruto Namikaze was being his usual, troublemaking self. It was all according to plan.

Naruto, the real one, was flying high in the sky using a combination of the chakra jets and the fleshy wings the Asura path allowed him to grow. Together, they let him travel at hundreds of miles an hour, and with his father lending him chakra, Naruto could hold this flight for hours.

He didn't, however. Upon finding a small, remote village, barely a tenth of the size of Konoha, Kurama ordered Naruto to land nearby. Naruto nodded and complied. As soon as he touched down, the boy unsealed a brown cloak and a bamboo hat from a storage scroll he'd brought. Both were sized for his demon form, which now stood slightly taller than the average adult, and the cloak had more than enough room for all six of Naruto's arms to comfortably fit inside.

As he changed, he asked his father, _"Are you_ **finally** _going to tell me what my demon powers are, Kurama-baka? I've been waiting three years for this!"_

" _ **Quit your whining, Kit. Yes, I am. The only reason I didn't tell you sooner is because you would have been tempted to use it in the village, and a single slip up would spell disaster for us. You need to have the first completely mastered and the second at least controllable before I let you back into the village. And that also means that your clone cannot use these**_ **at all** _ **until we return. Is that perfectly understood, Naruto?"**_

The blond-haired demon nodded.

" _ **Good. From what I know and from what I have observed, these are your powers: Emotional Projection and Power Absorption."**_

" _What! That first one sounds lame!"_ Naruto whined to the demon fox.

" _ **Quite the contrary; given enough time, I think that it could be your most**_ **devastating** _ **ability. Demons have powers that are corruptions of their parents. I can sense emotions from all the way across the continent, and at close range, I can nearly read someone's mind based on their emotions alone. I think you might be able to project your emotions just as far, and at close range, have something akin to mind control."**_

" _Wait, really? That's awesome, dattebayo!"_

" _ **Except that you live in a village full of psychics - the Yamanakas - who not only might be able to sense it, but counter it. Thus, we need to train you in power, skill, and most importantly, control, as fast as possible."**_

Naruto nodded, realizing how much trouble he could get in if people knew about his secret techniques. _"Plus, you always said that a good ninja is one that makes you look the wrong way. If they never know I can do something, they'll never investigate further!"_

" _ **Exactly."**_ Inside the seal, Kurama nodded sagely, though his massive grin mirrored his son's. _**"And when I'm done with you, you'll be able to grab Lady Luck by the breasts and motorboat your way to good fortune, and she'll be happy to let you!"**_

Naruto snickered. _"Or maybe even Tsunade-baasan."_

The kyūbi echoed his son's snicker. _**"Or even her. Now, your emotional projection ability has a passive effect, which grows stronger when you're in your true form, and an active effect. The same is true of your power absorption, which is a bastardized version of my power amplification ability. I amplify myself, you take others' power for yourself. The thing is, I don't know the extent of it, or how it will manifest when you actively use it. So far, you've been passively munching on my chakra since you were five, and it's been growing your reserves and giving you a stronger fire and wind affinity, but beyond that I have no idea. Well, maybe some ideas. I can tell that there's an association with your hands and mouths, but I feel nothing else."**_

Now fully dressed, the adult-sized Naruto strolled at a civilian's pace towards the town. Despite being only eight years old, his demon form could, without the aid of disguises, pass as a feral-looking eighteen year old. But, if one were then to get a good look at his ears or teeth, they would likely say that he looked more like an oni than a human, for his both sets of features were long and pointed. They'd be totally correct in that assumption, too; Naruto was indeed an oni.

As he entered the town, Naruto's purple eyes, henged to look red, sought out a good location for him to practice. Kurama instructed him that he needed to be out in public. Finding a dango stand on a fairly busy street, Naruto ducked inside while mentally cursing the fact that it wasn't ramen. Still, it would suit his needs. On Kurama's instructions, Naruto readied his chakra and set out trying to manipulate people into giving him as much free food as he could eat.

* * *

Back in Konoha, the clone drooled on his desk. It was in part because he was tired and didn't want to listen to Iruka lecturing something his fathers had already covered, and partly because he could taste the food the original was gorging himself on, and yet wasn't having his own hunger satisfied. In fact, it got so bad that his stomach roared loudly, interrupting the class.

Blushing in embarrassment, the clone sat up and wiped the drool off his face. Chōji, who was sitting on the opposite side of Shikamaru, silently and without prompting, slid the clone a bag of chips. Naruto picked them up — barbeque flavor — and nodded his silent thanks to his big-boned acquaintance.

"Now, if _someone_ is done interrupting," an irritated Iruka quipped, causing most of the class to snicker, "We can get back to the Second Shinobi World War."

* * *

Naruto, the real one, was honestly surprised at how effective his technique had been. Not only did he get all the food he wanted, but by the end of the day, he had several women (and the occasional man) draping themselves all over him trying to please their "Oni-sama." Although, the way some of them were saying it, it sounded like they were calling him their "big brother" — _oniisama_ — rather than an oni as he'd introduced himself. Naruto found it weirdly pleasing, while Kurama ended up laughing his ass off. And everywhere Naruto went, good cheer followed, eventually growing into an impromptu party, and then city-wide festival.

Of course, all good things must come to an end. In this case, it was Kurama who ruined Naruto's fun. _**"If we did this in Konoha, you'd be in so much trouble. You have no control. You have no subtlety. Everything you did ended up feeding back on itself. I wouldn't be surprised that if you dropped your pants, the whole town would end up in an orgy. That'll get you killed or sealed."**_

And just like that, the entire city ground to a halt as a wave of fear and paranoia crashed down on them, originating from Naruto himself. Emotions, being the contagious, self-perpetuating things that they were, only grew stronger when people of similar emotional states came together. A city in fear tended to exacerbate its own fear, and within second, people were starting to scream and panic.

" _Kurama-tousan!"_

" _ **Calm them down, Kit. Think happy thoughts!"**_ the fox demon yelled in Naruto's mind. However, he too was affected by Naruto's power, and his own panic, combined from the radiant panic of everyone in Naruto's range made the kyūbi nervous as well. Naruto heard that nervousness in Kurama's voice, and it did nothing to help calm him down.

Instead, Naruto bolted. With chakra-enhanced speed, the demon sprinted out of the small village and hid among the trees. Only then did he start to calm down. "What the hell was that?" he asked aloud.

Kurama, also calmer, answered, _**"You were still channeling chakra when I told you that. I think you may have accidentally hit yourself with your own technique. Come on, let's move to another village. There's no way that that's not going to be discovered by the leaf ninja; we don't want to be here when they find out. Meanwhile, make your clone visible in Konoha. Solidify your alibi."**_

Naruto muttered that he understood. Shedding the cloak and hat he wore and storing them away, Naruto then grew and spread his leathery wings. He shot up into the sky, and didn't look back.

* * *

That was hardly the last time Naruto had escaped from the village. In fact, his real body often spent more time away from the village than it did inside it. He liked the freedom of flying through the air, going wherever his whims guided him. Lately, his home village seemed more and more restrictive.

Currently, the twelve year old demon was prowling the streets of Tanzaku-gai as the dusk gave way to night. He was in his demon form, as usual, though he was henged into the form he had dubbed the "Party Demon," which shared his true height of a whopping nine feet tall. After a few close-calls, Naruto also kept his limbs limited to two, having vowed never to use the Asura path abilities in sight of another.

He'd gotten better at covering his tracks as well. With a clone at home listening to his father and snooping around whenever possible, Naruto had a good idea what the ninja thought of him, and what they knew. He also knew which towns to avoid, and when to lay low.

They were searching for him, Naruto knew. People didn't like it when the found that they had been manipulated out of food, drink, goods, and services that they should have been paid for. Even if he did leave them feeling good, theft was theft. Not to mention, he'd stolen quite a lot of money from the yakuza and criminal businessmen like Gatō.

But all that paled in comparison to the last reason. If the villagers of Konoha could live with a clan of mind-readers, they could probably live with a mind-controller. But this? They'd be after his blood. Whether they wanted to slay him for his crimes or lay him for his babies, Naruto wasn't quite sure. But at the moment, he didn't care.

He was hungry, and he was going to feast.

Spotting a few men in the distance hanging out under a street lamp, Naruto spotted his chosen targets. Two arms sprouted, one from each shoulder, and slid together under his cloak, where they formed an upside down, modified snake seal. Silently, he activated his first personal technique (Demonic Art: Silver Tongued Bastard) and then strolled towards the men. "Hey there, guys!" he called out.

The men turned to look at him. In a second, his jutsu took hold. Their faces brightened, as if they were seeing a good friend for the first time in years, completely ignoring the fact that they honestly had no clue who the giant of a man they were looking at was. "Yo!" one of them replied back. "Come and join us."

"I'd love to, but I'm actually in a little bit of a rush with something. I know I'm really in no position to ask, but could I trouble you for some help?" Naruto grinned when they agreed. Under the effects of his jutsu, people never suspected that he was lying to them, nor did they bother thinking of reasons why they shouldn't help the man they (inexplicably) thought fondly of. Naruto's power meant that he didn't set off their subconscious alarms. "Thank you so much! This way."

He lead the three men into a secluded alleyway that was dark and hidden from prying eyes. Naruto licked his lips. "I'm so glad I found you. I'm just so _hungry._ "

* * *

The thirteen year old genin known as Naruto Ōtsutsuki-Namikaze wanted to hurl. However, he didn't let it show on his human form's face. Any shown weakness, and Inoichi Yamanaka would pounce. He'd only become an official ninja that morning, so there was no chance in hell that he'd make a fool of himself now.

He'd been sloppy, far too sloppy, and now he was as good as caught. Mentally, he was kicking himself, while in the seal, Kurama fumed. And it was all because of his power.

Demonic power absorption, the ability to steal physical and spiritual strength from a target by devouring them whole. With every person he'd devoured, his demon form grew bigger and stronger, while his chakra grew more and more potent. He couldn't steal bloodlines, jutsu, or memories, just their raw strength, and in doing so, he satisfied a deep, primal hunger at the core of his very being.

But he'd been sloppy. He'd revisited the same town one too many times, killed once too often. They didn't know it was him, not yet, but they'd pulled him in for questioning. He couldn't even use his powers; Inoichi would know.

"And you're sure you know nothing about this man?" Inoichi asked, pushing an image towards Naruto.

"I already told you, I don't know anything, Yamanaka-san" the young demon calmly replied. This was the third time he'd been asked that question. He was just glad it wasn't Ibiki or Anko asking the questions.

"Very well." Inoichi scooped up the picture of the "Party Demon" and put it back in the folder, along with a scarily detailed report of his comings and goings, as well as a report on the "Eraser," what they'd dubbed Naruto's predatory persona. From the short glance he'd gotten, no doubt intentionally allowed by Inoichi, they were fairly certain that they were the same individual. "That'll be it for now, Naruto-kun," Inoichi dismissed him.

As Naruto left, he realized the only two upsides to the situation: first, they didn't suspect him to be the killer, only that he'd snuck out and happened to be there at the same time for one of the disappearances; and second, it almost sounded as if they wanted to recruit him, rather than hunt him down. Naruto figured that to be likely; they were ninja, after all, so why kill a killer when you could get them on your side?

That thought did nothing to ease the paranoia of the bijū in his gut, who, as Inoichi left them, remarked, _**"He still doesn't trust us. I suspect he and Minato might try to get into your head tonight, while you're sleeping. But don't worry, I'll protect you, my Kit."**_

And true to Kurama's prediction, the two blond adults snuck into Naruto's bedroom. Without a sound, Inoichi stuck out his hands, made the seal, and activated the mind-body switch jutsu. As his soul left his body, it slumped to the floor where Minato caught it and eased it down.

Then, to Minato's horror, Inoichi opened his _crimson_ eyes. "Minato-baka. I knew you and the foolish mindwalker would try this eventually," Kurama-in-Inoichi remarked. "Did you honestly think that we wouldn't have some sort of defense? Baka. Naruto sleeps on my tongue; when your little mindwalker showed up, all I had to do was _spit and swallow._ Don't look so frightened, Minato, I'll cough him up eventually. Right now, though, we need to talk."

"Then talk," Minato demanded.

"I've never hid from Naruto my loathing of this village. Only the fact that you love this village and I respect you enough as much as I do keeps Naruto loyal. But he can hear the whispers. The village as a whole might not know that he's my jinchūriki, and even fewer still know that he's my son, but the rumors are there. Kitsune child, fox-crazy, demon boy. True, yes, but the staring isn't pleasant. And what happens when it comes out that Naruto _is_ a demon? 'The little fox is just disguised as the Fourth's son. It's not really his.' That's what they'll say. That's what they _already_ say. So know this, Fourth Hokage-sama, Naruto's loyalty to this village is exactly as strong as your trust in him. And this? Well, heheheh..." The fox-possessed Inoichi closed his eyes.

The body twitched, and then the eyes flew open again. They were blue once again, and Minato knew that he had his friend back. His friend, however, didn't look at all happy. "Never. Again. I will never set foot in that boy's head again, and I will be forbidding my clan from using any and all mindwalking jutsu against him. That was the single worst thing I have ever experienced."

Minato raised his hand to shush the irate Yamanaka, but he needn't bother — Naruto was already awake, and frowning at the two of them. His nightcap, normally perched on his head, was tossed aside.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," his father offered pitifully.

Naruto snorted and rolled over in bed without speaking a word. He'd heard everything Kurama had said, and while he was mildly offended by how little Kurama seemed to think of his loyalty, it did give him an idea for a revenge prank. And so, despite the fact that he really wasn't that mad with his father or Inoichi, especially since Inoichi hadn't actually learned anything, he let them think that he was. Internally, Naruto grinned as he imagined the face of his human father when he came down for breakfast and acted as if absolutely nothing was wrong.

They say that the best mask you can wear is your own face; let it not be said that Naruto was not a prankster at heart.


	3. Chapter 3: Meet the Team

Naruto flopped down next to the one recent academy graduate who actually knew what he was. Sasuke grunted his hello. He, like Itachi, wasn't much of a conversationalist. And yet, Sasuke Uchiha was Naruto's best friend. Even as the rest of the class chatted away, Naruto and Sasuke sat in comfortable silence. From the corner of his eye, Naruto spotted Hinata, and gave her a seductive wink. Thanks to Kurama, he was more than aware of her stalking him, and her feelings for him. And though he didn't _overtly_ act on those feelings of hers, he wasn't above putting on a show for her.

The door opened, revealing their sensei, Iruka Umino. After making his way to the front of the class, he gave a short speech on how their careers would progress from now on. Then, he began the team assignments. "... And next, team seven will be Naruto Namikaze, Sasuke Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno. Team eight will be Kiba Inuzuka, Hinata Hyūga, and Shino Aburame. Team nine is still in rotation, so team ten will be Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, and Chōji Akimichi." After finishing with the rest of the groups, he concluded. "Return after lunch to meet your jōnin sensei. Dismissed."

As the class separated, Ino marched over to Naruto and slammed her hands on his desk. "Naruto, what did you do to my dad? He's furious at you. So help me if you pranked him..."

Naruto stood, unconcerned with the angry blond. "Aren't you a mind reader, Ino-chan? Come on in, take a look. To you, I'm practically an open book."

Ino faltered. Her dad had warned her off using her jutsu against him. "Just tell me, Naruto-baka!"

"Ding, right answer!" Laughing, he waved Ino off and strolled out of the room.

"Naruto! Get back here, Baka!"

* * *

Their instructor was late. Very late. Naruto knew that there was only one jōnin who would dare be this late. He also knew that Sasuke knew that, and had also figured out who their teacher was. That only left Sakura, who was growing increasingly irritated as the minutes went on.

However, just before she would have exploded, and perhaps he timed it that way, Kakashi Hatake slid open the door and poked his head in. "Team seven?"

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura roared, jabbing her finger accusingly in his direction.

"What she said, Kakashi-nii," Naruto added.

Sasuke grunted his agreement.

"Hmmm... my first impression is... I hate you all." His one visible eye focused on Naruto. "Especially you, gaki. Your... _orangness_... is extra annoying today."

Naruto looked down at his orange t-shirt, then back up at his big brother-figure. "The hell?! Orange is a great color! And Kurama-tousan _is_ orange!" Inside his head, the bijū roared in agreement.

"All the more reason to hate it, I guess." He shrugged, and then pulled a book out of his flak jacket, a distinctly _orange_ book.

"Hypocrite!" Naruto exclaimed. "And besides, nothing compares to Kurama's stories!"

The book in Kakashi's hand snapped shut. He shrugged. "Can't argue with that, really."

Meanwhile, a very confused Sakura leaned over and whispered to her silent teammate. "Are they always this crazy?"

Sasuke nodded. "Get used to it."

Kakashi grabbed Naruto's head. "Shut it, gaki, I have to tell your _intelligent_ teammates something. You two! And Naruto! On the roof in five minutes, go!"

The jōnin vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Race you to the top!" Naruto yelled as he suddenly lunged for the open window.

"Eat my dust, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled at the exact same moment, also lunging for the open window. In an instant, Sakura was left alone in the room with absolutely no idea what was going on.

"Um, guys? Wait for me!"

* * *

Three ninja appeared almost simultaneously on the roof, resulting in a three-way starring match between them until their fourth team member joined them.

Four minutes and forty eight seconds later, Sakura burst out the door to roof. She collapsed, panting hard. Sasuke, taking pity on her, helped her back up to a sitting position.

"Good, now that we're all here, let's begin with introductions," Kakashi announced, completely ignoring Sakura. "Blondie, you first. Likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future. Go."

"Hmm... Well, I like my fathers, ero-sennin, Tsunade-baachan, Tsunade-baachan's tits, people that aren't my oniisan, ramen, tits, eating people, tits, and screwing with people's minds. I dislike you, Kakashi. I also dislike Yamanakas who get in my business. Hobbies? Training, I guess. And dreams? I have two: be the Hokage, or let Kurama squish the people who reject my Hokage application."

"Errr... Naruto?"

"Yes, baka-niisan?"

"You're weird. Next! Sasuke, same thing!"

"Likes? Tomatos. Dislikes? Traitors who hurt my clan. Hobbies? Training with Naruto. Dreams? I have many, but right now, it involves not being squished," the Uchiha deadpanned. Naruto grinned at that.

"Geez, two for two on the weird genin count. Pinky, tell me you're normal, please."

"Err, right..." The girl scooted away from her two male genin teammates. Well, more from Naruto than anything else. "I'm Sakura Haruno, my likes..." She giggled and glanced at Sasuke. "My dislikes? Naruto's clothes. His pranks make up for it, though. My hobbies..." Again, she glanced at Sasuke and giggled. "And my dreams..." Here, she swooned a little while blushing.

"So, you're not normal at all. Great. A hellspawn, a boring ninja, and a fangirl. You three, meet me at training ground three at seven in the morning for survival training. I'd skip breakfast, if I were you." And with that, he vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Survival training? He means the bell test," Naruto remarked. "So, listen up, this-"

Kakashi reappeared. "Naruto, no spoilers! That's an order!" Then he vanished.

"Right, so as I was saying..." He looked at the spot, where Kakashi had been, as if daring him to come back. "... Kakashi-niisan is a liar, he'll only arrive at 9:00 but will expect to see us training when we get there, and eat a big dinner and a small breakfast or you're going to be miserable."

Sasuke nodded. Sakura, seeing her crush agree, also agreed to the plan, if it could even be called that. With that out of the way, Naruto turned to Sasuke. "So, since we're going to be fighting tomorrow, Sasuke, I should warn you that I managed to squeeze the fireball jutsu you showed me into my pinpoint barrage jutsu. And then with my swift and golden modes... When I say run, run."

"Overkill much?" Sasuke asked.

"When subtlety fails, there's no kill like overkill."

"True."

Sakura just stared at them, wondering what she'd gotten herself into.

* * *

At eight thirty in the morning, the newly christened team seven met at their designated meeting point, only to find that Sakura had been there for an hour and a half already. She yelled at them for being late, but they just shrugged.

"Hey, Naruto, are you done playing the village idiot yet?" Sasuke asked. "We're genin now, and I won't let you hold me back because you hadn't filled your daily quota of idiocy."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm done. Kurama-tousan agrees, by the way."

"Hey, Naruto?" The demon looked at his pink-haired teammate. "Who's Kurama? I thought your father was Minato-sama."

"Oh, yeah, Kurama's my dad as well. I've got two."

Sakura blinked in surprise; clearly, that was not what she was expecting. Slowly, a blush formed on her cheeks and a slightly perverted giggle escaped her lips.

"No. Whatever yaoi scene you just imagined? No. Although, Kurama-tousan admits to being an equal opportunity assfucker."

"Naruto!" Sakura shrieked.

"His words! Not mine!"

A sudden poof interrupted the moment. There, with his hands clamped over Sakura's ears, was Kakashi. "Aww, and here I was hoping I was fast enough to save Sakura's innocent ears the assault of your foul words, little hellspawn."

The demonic boy rolled his purple eyes. "I repeat: His words, not mine."

The jōnin lowered his hands and stepped back from Sakura. "Well, since we're all here, I might as well begin the test."

"Test?" Sakura asked.

The white-haired man nodded. "You have until noon to get these two bells-" he held up the bells, "-away from me. Anyone who has a bell passes and gets lunch! Anyone who fails, well, I hope you're friends with Umino-san, because you'll be going back to the academy, after having been tied to that stump over there while we all eat lunch and gloat. And the only way you're going to succeed is if you come at me with the intent to kill."

"You mean it?" Naruto asked eagerly. "So if, hypothetically, you do actually get hurt or killed, you won't be upset?"

"With myself, certainly, since I hypothetically couldn't defend against fresh genin. But I don't think that's going to happen. Now..." He pulled out a timer and wound it up. Setting it on the stump he'd pointed out, he shouted, "Begin!"

The two boys immediately retreated to plan, while Sakura hesitated. A second later, she too retreated and joined them. "Since this is the test, and it's clearly a test of teamwork," Naruto explained, "I don't think Kakashi will mind me now telling you that the bell test is, in fact, a test of teamwork."

"So it doesn't matter who has the bells?" Sakura asked, but even as she spoke, she realized that that was the answer to her own question. "Ok, but he's a jōnin, and we're just genin."

"One of the things that you have to realize when fighting with Naruto is that things tend to go very strange very fast," remarked the Uchiha. "Naruto, are you going to show off your other modes?"

"Yeah, but with a clone as a fake summons."

"And then when he's fighting that, we come in with a Wind-Cannon boosted Great Fireball."

"But what about Sakura?"

The two boys turned to their female companion. "Know any other jutsu besides the academy three?" Sasuke asked. Sakura, to her shame, shook her head no. He rolled his eyes. "Great. Sakura, we'll try to make an opening. Use replacement to get in close when you have a chance, then come in fast and low to grab the bells. If you fail, retreat and we'll try again. Got it?"

Despite having her lack of jutsu pointed out to her by the two clan-born ninja, the newly-minted genin girl stood resolute. She had a part in the plan, and with Kami (and Sasuke) as her witness, she wouldn't let them down!

"There's only one problem with that..." Kakashi announced from his perch on a branch above. "You shouldn't make plans where the enemy can overhear."

Naruto laughed sheepishly. "Yeah, well, that's true. But one, we knew you were close by, and we might have fed you bad information. Two, if you're missing information, it's hard to act on what you have. And three: we have a plan B-" Sasuke grabbed Sakura and ran, while in the same moment, another arm sprouted out of Naruto's shoulder. Where the hand should have been, there was only a hole that was rapidly filling with positive and negative chakra. "-ijūdama cannon," he finished, and then fired.

Some distance away, the real Kakashi looked away from the beam shooting up from the forest, for it was too bright to look at. "Fuck. When the hell did he learn that?" Then the clone's memories hit, fragmented as they were from the forcefully dispelled clone, and he thanked his lucky stars that he'd sent a clone instead.

The genin emerged from the woods a second later. Actually nervous about what his genin could have up their sleeves, specifically up _Naruto's_ sleeves, he tapped his flak jacket. A storage seal inside activated, sucking up his precious book. Now with that piece of mind, he was ready to face his prospective students. And then he realized that only Naruto was advancing; the other two looked content to wait by the forest's edge.

As Naruto approached, he made a series of hand seals; the seals themselves meant nothing, as he wasn't channeling chakra through them and there were several fake seals buried in the sequence, but they were meant to give the illusion that he was doing something he'd technically already done. "Demonic Summoning!" he shouted. "Molten Gold Asura!"

High above the training grounds, and above the clouds, Naruto's sole clone hovered. As the real one retreated, he diverted his attention and the majority of his chakra to the clone. Said clone, now the primary Naruto, dove. Falling through the air, Naruto called up his and his father's chakra and mixed them together. A cloak of golden chakra materialized around the fully transformed demon.

Kakashi felt the chakra and looked up. What he saw was enough to get him to remove his hitai-ate from his sharingan, and when he saw that, yes, it was real, a single word came from his mouth: "Crap."

The golden warrior hit the ground with enough force to cause a mini-earthquake. Kakashi barely had time to regain his balance — a quick feat for a ninja — before the golden warrior said, "Dodge this." From two of his six arms, flesh-colored missiles emerged and shot in Kakashi's general direction. Each, when it hit, exploded into a Great Fireball that lasted for seconds after the initial blast.

Kakashi had no choice but to replace himself with a nearby log, but his choice of replacement targets was poor. No sooner had the world stopped spinning then he found himself face-to-face with a hand sealing Sasuke and a three-armed Naruto. "Collaboration Jutsu: Blaze Cannon Ball!"

He tried to dodge, he really did, but the blast of superheated, high-speed air was too much for his out-of-shape reaction times. Kakashi ended up taking the full brunt of the attack, and it was only by defending himself with raw chakra that he survived with only mild burns.

Motion! Kakashi dodged left, just barely avoiding the incoming attack from the golden warrior, who had closed the distance while Kakashi was busy with Naruto and Sasuke. He spun, ready to defend himself from the next attack... but it never came. Instead, the golden warrior pointed.

There, carrying the bells safely to her teammates, was Sakura. "We win, Kakashi," she gloated.

"Hmm, no. I seem to recall saying that anyone who _has_ a bell gets to pass. As of right now, only Sakura gets to move on and be my student. You boys aren't so lucky."

Sakura tossed one of the bells to Sasuke. "And Naruto?" asked Kakashi?

"His dad's the Hokage," Sakura replied. "If he complained, I'm sure Hokage-sama would make some jōnin take him on as an apprentice."

"Or, if I complained to my other father, well, I'd just have to tell him that Kakashi-baka was being mean to me, and he'd come out and squish you himself, seal or no seal."

" _ **Only after I wrecked his virgin ass at full size, without any lube,"**_ Kurama added, though nobody else but Naruto could hear him.

Kakashi changed his tune instantly. "Well then, I'm proud to say that you all pass!" The three genin cheered. Meanwhile, Kakashi glanced back at the golden warrior, who was still standing there. The warrior smirked, before dispelling the golden shroud, retracting the wings and extra body parts, before finally shrinking down to be a perfect copy of Naruto's human form. The clone waved, and then dispelled.

* * *

"Naruto, we need to talk. No games, I'm being completely serious here," Kakashi said. The two of them were sitting on a bench near the edge of town, where nobody would bother them. "What were those jutsu?"

"Why do you want to know?"

The man put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Relax. I just want to make sure you're not getting in over your head. I've never seen you use most of those jutsu before, and from what Minato-sensei has told me, I don't think he's seen you use them either. Plus, it would be nice to know your abilities, so I know where to go with your training and how best to help you."

Naruto smiled. Despite their bickering and insulting each other, they really were brothers in everything but blood. "Sure, Kakashi. So? What do you want to know?"

"Let's start at the beginning. Bijūdama cannon?" Naruto quickly explained how each ability worked, making sure to tell Kakashi that almost every ability he'd shown was just a simple application of gathering, shaping, and emitting chakra blasts, the exception being his missiles, which either exploded like an exploding tag, or detonate with a contained fire jutsu. "And the shadow clone? How did you learn that?"

"It's not a normal shadow clone, as far as I can tell," Naruto replied. "Demon chakra doesn't like being split like that, so when I tried copying what I saw you and Minato-tousan do, I got this..." He made the cross hand seal, and another Naruto popped into existence. "I can see through its eyes and control it like my own body. Kurama-tousan says that it _is_ me." He then explained how it differed from the normal clone, and his limits on it.

"I see," Kakashi replied. "And when did you learn how to do this?"

And there was the million ryō question. "Not too long ago," the blond demon answered vaguely. "But you know what's funny? Despite having practiced all those jutsu, that was the first time I'd used any of them in a fight," he said. _Against a ninja,_ he didn't say.

"Oh?" Kakashi eye-smiled. "Well, for untested techniques, I think they performed really well. Your speed and accuracy could use some work, as could your chakra control, but I could see those becoming very devastating moves. But warn me next time, ok?"

"No can do, Kakashi- _sensei_. A ninja has to have their secrets, you know!"

"True."

* * *

"So, what do you think?"

"I'm sure you were watching, Minato-sensei," the copy-nin replied.

"I was, yes, but I still want to hear your thoughts on my son's team," the Hokage remarked.

They were in his office, having just finished the jōnin sensei meeting, officially stating which teams had passed, and which had failed. A shadow clone of Minato sat at the desk, filling out the day's paperwork even as it listened to the conversation between its creator and their student. The original sat in one of the visitor's chairs, across from a seated Kakashi.

"When were you going to tell me that your son was a living siege weapon? Or that he could use the Asura path without transforming? Or that he could shoot lasers and missiles?"

Minato's expression was tellingly neutral. "To be honest? I didn't know he could do that either. I did know about the golden chakra cloak, though. I just didn't expect him to pull it out for this test. However, Kakashi, what I'm interested in is your opinion of the rest of the team, and the team as a whole."

The copy-nin thought for a moment. "Sasuke, I've seen fighting with Naruto before. They have good teamwork — they hit me with a collaboration jutsu, after all. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that they have a better grasp of each other's abilities than I do either of them. As for Sakura, she's quick and nimble, but other than that, I can't say much yet. However, if I had to go by their academy records, I'd say that we have a weird, mutant Ino-Shika-Chō analogy here. Sakura, with her chakra control and potential sensing abilities, could form the Ino part. Sasuke could easily fall into the Shika role, especially after his sharingan awakens, and Naruto is clearly the heavy hitter. With the level of synergy he has with Kurama, Naruto is practically a mini-bijū already."

Minato hummed as he digested that piece of information. "If you think that's the case, do you want to train them that way, Kakashi?"

Kakashi nodded. "The dynamic is proven — we're on the sixteenth generation of the Ino-Shika-Chō trio. Power, skill, and perception works well as a team. Yes, I think I will pursue that path."

"Good. It'll be an interesting experiment, to say the least," Minato replied. "I'd recommend joint training with Asuma and team ten. And Kakashi, when I say joint training, I mean I want you fighting alongside your team, against Asuma as well. You're rusty, and I know you could have done better if you hadn't spent so much time lounging around with your books. Heh. Though, to be fair, I should probably stop reading them so much myself."

* * *

The more Sakura had thought about that fight against Kakashi, the more it bothered her. Sure, she had been the one to grab the bells, but in retrospect, either of her teammates could have done that without her. They were just that much stronger than her. Naruto, the slacker son of the Hokage, and Sasuke, who was clearly trained by his brother, Itachi Uchiha, were both so much stronger than her. Was that the power of a clan ninja?

It made Sakura feel like dead weight. And, upon watching the two boys on her team interact with each other, she realized that the only times they did talk, they only discussed training, training done _outside_ of class, training she _hadn't_ done. Thus, with determination filling her heart and inner-Sakura cheering her on, she marched up to the two boys, who were sitting with their backs against a tree. "How are you two so strong?"

Naruto looked at Sasuke. Sasuke looked back at Naruto. Then they looked at Sakura. Naruto shrugged. "We trained."

"And Naruto's not even human, so don't try to compare yourself to him," Sasuke added.

"Hey! I wanted to tell her that, teme!" Naruto whined.

"Does it look like I care?"

The demon growled, making a noise no human throat should have been able to produce, but made no other move against his friend. Instead, he turned to Sakura. "Yeah, I'm not human. Up until I officially made genin, this was an A-ranked secret. Now, it's a D-rank, so just don't bring it up with anyone who isn't a Konoha shinobi. But yeah, my dad's Kurama, the Kyūbi no Kitsune. My mom was his previous jinchūriki, and when she got pregnant with me, his chakra overwrote Minato-tousan's, meaning that while physically I'm the son of the Fourth, I was born with a demon soul."

Naruto activated a storage seal drawn on his left pec, which swapped out his human clothes for his much larger demon clothes. Then he transformed. Before the chakra smoke had even finished clearing, the nine-foot tall demon had completely materialized. Two of his arms were behind his head, another two were resting on the grass, and the final two were crossed over his extremely muscular chest. His barbed tail stuck out to the side, gently twitching as the grass tickled it, while two of his three sets of eyes examined Sakura's shocked expression. He stuck out one of his right hands. "Naruto Ōtsutsuki-Namikaze, the real me. I'm pleased to finally meet you, Sakura."

Sakura took a step back. "What the hell?!" It was an exclamation more of surprise than fear, and was quickly followed by a full face blush.

Naruto guffawed, his chest shaking with each deep, booming laugh. The shirt he wore, despite its large size, was stretched tight across his chest; it was an intentional choice on Naruto's part that left the little to the imagination about his physique. His pants were much looser, but, as with the shirt, that was intentional, for it proudly tented far above his groin as Naruto basked in the pleasurable glow of releasing his human transformation.

Sasuke, long since used to his friends biology quirks, didn't bat an eyelash at it. Sakura, however, wasn't so lucky. As her eyes fell on his bulging body, she could only stammer out, "Wha... Naruto?!"

"In the _flesh_ , every last _foot_ of it. Want to see it up close?"

Sakura, realizing what he was implying, clenched her fist. With a cry of "Naruto-baka, you pervert!" Sakura pounded his skull into the bark of the tree.

When the stars cleared from his eyes, Naruto gave Sakura a foxy grin. "Come now, Sakura-chan... You have to do it like this. Demonic Art: Mountain Flower's River." He then poked her in the forehead.

"Ohhh..." You could practically see the hearts in her eyes as her knees gave out. She collapsed to the ground, all anger completely forgotten as she rode the afterglow of that very sudden and very intense orgasm.

Smirking, the demon glanced at his friend. Sasuke grunted and looked the other way, not even bothering to acknowledge that perverted jutsu. "Aww, Sasuke, are you jealous of Sakura-chan? I could do it for you too..."

"No." The Uchiha glared at the Namikaze.

"Suit yourself." A moan from their female companion drew his attention "Ah, Sakura, welcome back. Did you have a good time?"

"I correct my opinion. You are a super pervert," Sakura deadpanned.

"Super pervert? No, that's ero-sennin. I am an _ultra_ pervert!" Naruto retorted.

Sakura stared at him. Then she turned around and started walking away. "Dear Kami, I can't deal with this. I only wanted training advice, and... Gah!" She broke out into a run.

Inside Naruto's gut, Kurama shouted, _**"Good going, Kit. I thought I taught you to read women better than this. Go after her, gaki!"**_

Naruto swore and hoisted himself up from his sitting position. With his speed, he quickly closed the distance between them. He knelt down next to her. "Sakura! Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you!"

She slapped him across the face, though she still had to reach up to do it. "You made me... in front of Sasuke!"

"Wanna slap me again?" He motioned to his exposed faces. "I've got two more faces, if you want to hit them."

Sakura looked up and raised her hand, as if she were readying a strike. But then she took a good look at his expression, and relaxed. "No. No, I'm good."

"Right. Sorry." Naruto stood. "Anyway, you said you wanted training help?"

Sakura straightened up and dusted herself off. She ran her fingers through her pink locks to straighten it out. "Um... yes."

"Anything specific?" She shook her head. "Well, Kakashi-n-, I mean Kakashi-sensei could probably say what you need the most work on. For now, I guess we'll grab Sasuke and start with my favorite part of training: eating!"

"Eating? But I'm on a diet!"

Naruto blinked in surprise. "Are you crazy? You do know that most kunoichi get their sexy curves from the muscles under their body fat, right? And you need food to build muscles. Most kunoichi eat something like five thousand calories a day, and burn it all off with training. And I'm sure you've seen how good the kunoichi are compared to the civilian women, right?"

"Wait, really?" Sakura asked, surprised.

Naruto nodded sagely. "Yeah! That's what Tsunade-baasan says."

"Who? Tsunade? As in Tsunade of the sannin, the world-famous medic nin, _that_ Tsunade?"

Naruto held out two of his hands in front of his chest. "Do you know any other Tsunade with a rack like this at her age? Trust me, her advice is good."

* * *

Sakura's arms were burning, and her chest was heaving with each breath. Yet she felt good. Naruto's advice had made her eat a big dinner the night before, as well as a solid breakfast, both three times as large as she normally allowed herself, and it had paid off. Her endurance today was better than it had been in the academy, and was just long enough that she could endure the burn until it started feeling good.

She had to give up a minute later, but damn if that wasn't some instant improvement. And better yet, she'd gotten a nod of approval from Sasuke! That alone made it all worth it.

And then, to top it off, seeing Naruto do scuttle around like a really tall crab was funny. As impressive as doing a six-handed hand-stand was, seeing him try to run around on his hands was terribly awkward. "I am Super Crab!" Naruto shouted in an extremely nasally voice. "Fight me!"

Of course, Kakashi had to end their fun by announcing that it was time for their first D-rank mission: Capturing Tora.

"No, no, no! I will not do that mission!" Naruto shouted as he flipped rightside up. He marched over to Kakashi, grabbed the jōnin with five of his arms, and poked him in the chest with his sixth. "I told you, if you got that mission for us, I'd kill you and then vaporize whoever's playing that damn cat!"

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked.

The face closest to Sakura grit its teeth as a growl escaped all. "That cat isn't real! It's an ANBU training their evasion skills while giving genin a chance to train their tracking skills. But the ANBU's told to use every trick in the book to humiliate the genin chasing them, which, might I add, includes several of my stolen prank ideas!"

Both genin grimaced, while Kakashi just grinned innocently. "Mah, Naruto, but can you really be sure? Madam Shijimi might have really lost her cat, and if we don't go after it, she might really be mad at us. Plus, if you don't go after it, or worse, kill it, then you'll fail the very first mission I've already accepted for you."

"Damn you, Akuma-niisan."

"Love you too, gaki."

That was hardly the last of the terrible missions Kakashi got for them that month. No, he made them suffer.


	4. Chapter 4: Wave Hello

As the Hokage handed team seven the mission scroll, he shivered. There, in the back of the group, was Sakura Haruno with murder in her eyes. Minato raised his eyebrow. "Haruno-san, is there a problem?"

"'Is there a problem?' he asks. Is there a problem? Forgive me, Hokage-sama, but your bastard student keeps giving us the shittiest of missions! I'm sick of it!" Her rant started at a normal tone of voice, but by the end, she was shrieking like a banshee.

"Now, now," Minato said placatingly, "I'm sure you're mistaken, right Kakashi-san?"

"Nope!" The evil jōnin smiled. "She is completely correct. I just figured if they dealt with the hardest missions now, the rest of their careers would seem like cake in comparison! It builds character."

Minato face-palmed. "Kakashi..."

"You know what also builds character?" Kakashi turned to see Naruto pouring a white powder into the empty chamber of his arm cannon and then aim it at his face. The demon smirked. "I'll give you a hint: it also seems like cake! Flour Canon!"

The whole tower had to be evacuated.

Unsurprisingly, considering just who the Hokage was, only the members of team seven actually ended up with any dust on them whatsoever. The rest of the people were flashed out before their clothes could be ruined. When he returned, Minato glared at Naruto. "You know, if you had just acted maturely, I would have given you a C-rank without question. As it is, I will be giving your team that mission, but Naruto, you'll be doing it without pay. And it starts tomorrow, so tonight, you'll be helping clean the tower of all this flour." He looked at Sasuke and Sakura. "Sorry, you two. You two will be getting paid for this C-rank; don't worry. Also, I'm forbidding you from helping Naruto clean this up unless he pays to hire you for an official D-rank, which you of course don't have to accept."

"What!" Naruto cried.

Sasuke snickered. "Later, dobe!"

Sakura shrugged. "You did ruin my dress. I'm out."

The Hokage smirked, as if he knew that those were going to be their responses. "Then allow me to take you two and Kakashi to meet Tazuna, your client."

* * *

Despite the fact that he'd not be paid for this mission, Naruto really wasn't that upset. He had a good stash of money hidden away, and with how rich his father was, it wasn't like he was really wanting for anything money-wise. Instead, he focused on the fact that this was his first _official_ time out of the village.

He was already transformed as he waited in a tree by the front gate. His tail swished idly back and forth as he played with his various bioweapons, shifting his arms, currently two in number, through their various bone blades, missiles, and chakra blasters. When he saw Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke approaching with an unfamiliar civilian man, he hopped out of the tree and landed in their path with a thud. "Going somewhere?" he growled, releasing a touch of his demonic chakra-laced killing intent to amplify the effect.

The civilian backed up in fright. Sasuke grunted and rolled his eyes. Sakura deadpanned, "Naruto."

His apparent mood doing a complete one-eighty, Naruto stood up straight and smiled while reigning back in his K.I. and chakra. "Hey guys, this our client?"

"Yes he is. Naruto, this is Tazuna, the bridge builder from Wave," Kakashi answered. "Tazuna, this is Naruto, my third but not-so-little student."

Tazuna whistled. "I'll say." He took a swig from his sake bottle. "Hey, you don't happen to have an older brother, do ya? 'Bout twenty five, giant like you, red eyes, brown hair?"

That was Naruto's "Party Demon" guise he was describing. "Nope," Naruto replied. "I don't have any siblings. Well, there's Kakashi, but we aren't related by blood. I've got ten aunts and uncles, though, so maybe he's one of my cousins?"

"Damn," Tazuna swore. "When I saw you, I'd hoped you'd know him. I owe him an apology."

"What for?" Naruto asked. "If I happen to find him, I'll tell him. Can't be too hard to find someone my size."

"Bah, sure. He helped my village. A man called Gatō's been hurting my country's economy. Oni-sama came and scared off some of Gatō's thugs, then left the town with some much needed money. It got stolen by Gatō's thugs a few days after he left." Tazuna took another swig of his sake. "He told us to put it to good use, and we couldn't even keep it safe. We tasted hope, but couldn't keep it. Gah... never mind. Let's just get going."

* * *

"So you're just a genin, like your teammates?" Tazuna asked. "But they're so much younger than you! Either they're really good, or you're really stupid."

" _ **Could you shut that asshole up, Kit? I'm trying to sleep,"**_ an irate Kurama snapped.

Irritated, Naruto replied, "Despite my _condition_ making me appear otherwise, I'm actually the same age as Sakura and Sasuke."

Tazuna stopped in his tracks, trying to process that. "Wait, really? You're what, twelve?"

"Thirteen, actually." He shifted down to his human form, though he didn't bother with his clothing storage seal, so his baggy clothing made him appear even smaller. With one hand holding up his pants, Naruto waved the other hand around. "I can make myself smaller for a time, but I don't like it." Point made, he grew back to his normal form.

"Kami. What are they feeding you?"

"Ramen."

"... the hell?" He shook his head. "No. Too much. Ninja magic, I can understand. You, from _ramen?_ No way." Tazuna jogged forwards.

With Tazuna's back to him, Naruto grew a devilish grin. Putting his hands together into the ram seal, he henged, making sure that there was extra smoke and an extra loud poof. Tazuna, hearing the transformation, turned around...

"Oh, Tazuna-sama~"

And came face-to-breast with nine feet of sexy, busty woman that put Tsunade to shame. Naruto's boobs, though covered by his exceedingly tight shirt, threatened to spill forth at any second as they jiggled and bounced in defiance of gravity. "Do you _really_ think I get my figure by eating ramen? No." He trailed his manicured and painted fingernails up Tazuna's arm and to his face. "I work hard to be this _sexy~"_

Tazuna's nose erupted with blood, sending him flying. Chuckling, Naruto released the henge, only to break out into full-on laughter when he saw that Sasuke was pinching his nose and the top of Kakashi's mask was turning red. As he jogged over to the fallen Tazuna, Naruto said, "Hey, Kakashi, if you can get Minato-tousan to pay me for this mission, I'll pose with a clone for Ero-sennin to draw inspiration from, and I'll let you watch~"

"Now now, Naruto, that was highly unprofessional of you, and I will not be tempted by such petty offers," Kakashi scolded. Sakura, who was fuming at the display, nodded in agreement. "But, off the record, how many enemy ninja did you just singlehandedly defeat?" Scooping Tazuna up and pinching his nose to stop the bleeding, Naruto chuckled.

"Naruto! Kakashi! You perverts!" Sakura shrieked.

As it just so happened, her voice was enough to wake Tazuna. "Ugh, what happened? There was this woman-"

"Naruto-baka accidentally hit you in the face," Sakura interrupted. "You passed out and got a nose bleed."

Tazuna's hand came up to his nose and wiped a little of the blood away. "Well, what do you know? Heh, Naruto, if getting hit in the face by you results in dreams like _that_ , if you ever need a personal punching bag, my face is open."

Realizing that that little diversion did not go as she'd hoped, Sakura fumed. "It's not like they're thinking with that head anyway," she muttered.

At that moment, inside Naruto's gut, the fox demon perked up. _**"Naruto, two hostiles at twelve o'clock. Range, 1200 yards. They're hiding."**_

Naruto set Tazuna down. Looking ahead, he spotted nothing at that distance except a puddle of water on the road, and yet that was exactly where the hostility Kurama was sensing came from. It was so far that he had to squint to see it. Still, having identified the spot, Naruto signed to Kakashi in Konoha Standard. _Hostile. Two. Far Distance. Attempting Counter-Ambush. Good?_

Kakashi made a single motion in return. _Yes._

"Hey, Tazuna-san. Wanna make a bet?" Naruto asked.

"Oh? What kind of bet?"

"Way, way in the distance, there's a puddle. I'm going to try and hit it with a rock. If I win, I don't know, why don't you tell us a story about yourself?"

"I don't even see... wait, _that_ little thing?" He burst out laughing. "Yeah, good luck. And when I win, you have to buy me a dozen bottles of sake."

"Deal! Sasuke, be the judge!" Sasuke grunted his approval; he was actually interested in if Naruto could do it. Naruto knelt down and held out one hand, bracing it with the other. The palm of his hand opened up and his fingers pulled back, revealing the hollow barrel of his cannon. "Earth Canon!" Two seconds later, he fired.

Earth natured chakra roared out of the barrel. The moment it hit the air, it condensed into a hypersonic boulder. It took only a fraction of a second for the stone to slam into the ground just short of the puddle. The explosion of dirt, while satisfying, meant that he owed Tazuna some sake. Oh, and that the enemies knew that they were coming, but Naruto was more concerned about the sake.

As the two ninja emerged from the dust, Kakashi briefly exposed his sharingan to get a good look at them. "Mist Ninja," he announced. "The Demon Brothers, heh, Meizu and Gōzu, I think." He pulled out his copy of the bingo book. "Yep. That's them. I wonder what they're doing out here?" He sent a very pointed look at Tazuna.

Tazuna spluttered. "Me? Why would you think they're after me?" I'm just a bridge builder!"

"That's funny, I don't remember saying they were after you," Kakashi "innocently" replied. "Are they? Should we be worried? Because you hired us to protect you from bandits, and as bandit-like as those two are, they are shinobi. This is now a B-rank, if they are after you."

"I... ah..." The three genin and one jōnin looked at him accusingly. "Fine. You got me. Gatō, I told you about him, he's after me. He doesn't want my bridge built because he wants to keep his control on Wave Country! So he sent ninjas after me! I wanted ninjas to protect me, but you were all I could afford! I'm sorry I lied, but-"

"HA!" A sudden blast of light blinded the group. When it cleared, Naruto was pointing his cannon in the direction of a smoking crater in the distance, one that just so happened to be where the so-called Demon Brothers were. Naruto laughed in mock-sheepishness. "I saw a bug... It was like _this_ big!" He held up his hand, one of which was still in cannon mode, and held them about a foot apart. "But I got it!"

"Well, I guess that counts as 'protection from wild animals,' I guess. Naruto, just let us know in advance if you see any more... bugs." Kakashi sweatdropped. "Some of them can be really dangerous."

"Hai, sensei."

Tazuna, shaken from seeing the raw destructive power of Naruto's cannon, moved over to the other two genin. "Can you two do that?"

"Err," Sakura began, but a motion from Sasuke made her stop.

"We're ninja. It's what we're _paid_ to do."

Tazuna realized the implications. "Ah, shit."

"Now Tazuna, Konoha is one of the nicest hidden villages. For customers who cannot pay all at once, we do offer special deals to allow you to pay over time, with goods and services, or with other deals. I'm sure we can work something out, provided you start telling us everything you know about the man who's after you, or Naruto here might find a 'bug' on your shoulder," Kakashi cheerfully explained as if he hadn't just threatened the man's life.

"Gah! I'll talk! I'll talk!"

* * *

Considering her sensor training so far, Sakura knew that normal visibility obstructions shouldn't have affected her novice abilities. And yet, as the fog rolled in shortly after having disembarked the boat, Sakura found she was having trouble both seeing and sensing her teammates, despite them being right next to her. "Sensei..."

Kakashi's head bobbed once. The four ninja went on guard.

" _Kurama,"_ Naruto thought. _"Where?"_

" _ **Hard to say — he's too calm for me to get an accurate fix on his location. Left, I think."**_

There was a noise. "Get down!"

There was a squelch. Sakura looked up to see Naruto standing above her, with a giant blade buried almost all the way through his abdomen. "Naruto?"

As for the kitsune's son, he was focused on the blade itself. Sprouting his extra arms, the three on the right grabbed the handle and yanked the blade out. Blood spurt everywhere, some of it falling on Sakura herself, but Naruto paid it no mind. His and Kurama's chakras were already healing him up; even now, he could feel the muscles stitching themselves together in a way similar to how they moved when he summoned his extra limbs. It felt good.

Naruto gave the blade an experimental swing, flicking the blood off. "Lovely, a sword my size. Thank you, mysterious attacker. I think I'll keep it."

"I'd ask how you survived that, but honestly, I've seen weirder," a bandage-covered Kiri-nin stated as he appeared in the increasingly foggy clearing. With a hand seal on the Kiri-nin's part, the mist thickened further, completely hiding him from view. "Of course, I want the Kubikiribōchō back."

Naruto hefted blade up onto his shoulder, finding a strange comfort in its weight. The only weapons he'd ever fought with up until now were his kunai, shuriken, and whatever his Asura path could create, which was usually smaller than that.

"Hey, Naruto, I was thinking, there really is no reason to stick around. All we're here for is protecting Tazuna, and I think I could do my job better if you four weren't in the crossfire, no?" Kakashi called out.

Naruto nodded. As much as he wanted to fight, and as much as he wanted to see the fight (a moot point, really), he understood the logic behind Kakashi's words, and agreed with it. "I'll leave a clone for you, if you need it." With those words, he created three clones. One dove into the trees, the two clones firmly grabbed Sasuke and Tazuna, and he — the original — grabbed Sakura. Passengers in tow, Naruto extended his wings. "Later, 'Kashi-sensei."

Zabuza watched them leave. "Damnit. He can _fly?_ Sorry, Kakashi no Sharingan, as much as I want to fight, that's my meal ticket _and_ my sword."

"Funny story, he's meal ticket, too. I guess we'll have to fight like academy children over their lunch money," Kakashi replied.

"You know what else is funny? I slaughtered my whole academy class."

"Touché."

* * *

"Ok, if you could fly, why didn't we fly from the very beginning?" Tazuna asked as soon as they landed (and as soon as he'd stopped screaming).

"Well, first is the fact that you've pissed yourself," Naruto remarked. "I didn't want to hold a piss-soaked man any longer than I had to — that's not my kink. Second, I normally go a lot faster, which means I would have had to hold on a lot tighter. Your ribs wouldn't like that at all."

"I guess not."

"Third," Naruto continued. "I go fast enough that the wind would have torn apart your face — dust is really abrasive. And fourth, bugs. They can take your eye out."

"Then how come you can fly without getting hit?"

"Who says I don't?"

"Your face does. I see your eyes, and they're just fine."

"And you also saw me yank this sword out of my gut, yes? I was almost cut in half with this thing, and I'm fine now. You humans don't heal like I do."

"Speaking of which," Sakura interrupted, "I'm covered in blood! Your clones' blood vanished when they did, but this is real! Naruto, it's all over me!"

Naruto grinned and pulled out a scroll. From it, he unsealed a dress. "Here, a change of clothes."

Grateful, Sakura accepted it. She unfolded it to examine it, when the obvious question occurred to her. "Naruto, why exactly do you have a dress... in my exact size?"

"Oh, you never know. Sometimes girls lose their dresses, sometimes the get torn in the heat of the moment. I always keep spares of every size, in case of clothing emergency. Shirts and pants, too."

Tazuna blanched. "What sort of things are you doing that you need to hold on to that many dresses at once?" he asked, fearing the answer.

Naruto let out a perverted giggle. "Dancing, of course. What else would a hormonal teenager who's legally considered an adult in his village and can make men and women alike scream in pleasure with a single touch spend his time doing?"

"Staying far away from my daughter, that's what you can spend your time doing," Tazuna replied. "Maybe you can put all those arms of yours to good use and help me build my bridge? That's a _constructive_ activity for a young man like you to channel his energy into."

Naruto shrugged. "I like you, old man. Sure, why no? I've got to guard you anyway, may as well do something to get my blood pumping, seeing as I didn't get to fight Zabuza." While he was thinking of it, he cast more of his attention back to the clone he'd left behind, just in time to see Kakashi shove a chidori through Zabuza's chest. "And now I won't be able to; Kakashi just won."

Tazuna looked like he was about to respond, then closed his mouth and turned towards his home, which was only a short distance away. Pushing open the door, he announced, "I'm home!"

From inside, a woman's voice exclaimed, "Tousan! You're back!"

Tazuna looked over his shoulder and motioned for the three genin to follow him inside. Sakura and Sasuke nodded and immediately went inside, while Naruto stayed back. Considering his true form's massive size, squeezing inside a building meant for normal humans was something of a challenge; placing a hand on the storage seal, Naruto shrank down and exchanged his clothing. Of course, the Kubikiribōchō didn't seal away, leaving the massive blade awkwardly balanced on the tiny thirteen year old's shoulders with only a single hand stabilizing it. It, quite predictably, clattered to the ground.

Sheepishly, Naruto hefted the gargantuan blade back up and made his way inside. Tazuna, upon seeing him, remarked, "You shrank."

"Well, yeah. Otherwise, I'd have been too much man for this house to handle!" Naruto boasted.

"Now if only his head shrank with the rest of him," Sasuke deadpanned, earning a snigger from both Sakura and Tazuna.

The older woman in the room, Tazuna's daughter, didn't get the joke, as apparent by her expression. "And you are?"

"Naruto Namikaze, at your service!" He did a little bow, though it caused one end of the sword to bump against the wall.

Sakura glared at Naruto. "Hey! Seal that thing away? Why did you even bring that in here? It's still nasty and covered in blood. And so am I, for that matter. Tsunami-san, is there somewhere I can change, please?"

"Of course. You're not hurt, are you?" Sakura shook her head, making Tsunami sigh with relief. "That's good. There's a bathroom just down that way, but knock to make sure Inari isn't in there."

"Inari?"

"He's my son."

"Ah. Thank you, Tsunami-san." Sakura bowed and then escorted herself out.

There was a poof, then a clap of hands. Naruto stood up, sans the Kubikiribōchō, and pocketed one of the many sealing scrolls he kept on his person. Pulling out a different one, he unsealed a first-aid kit. "Kakashi-sensei should be here any second now. He's got a kunai wound on his left arm and he's suffering from chakra exhaustion, but he should be fine." A blast of chakra-laced wind rattled the window of the house. "And there he is."

The front door slid open and, just as he had said, a wounded, exhausted, but victorious Kakashi limped inside. Naruto grabbed him on his good side and helped him in, while Sasuke immediately started tending to his wound using the first-aid kit.

Outside, the clone did not dispel. Instead, put away its wings and extra arms, and then, ducking out of sight, henged. Being nothing more than a chakra construct, the clone's transformation was total, rather than just a chakra shell. Now wearing his "Oni-sama" face, which was slightly shorter and stockier than his normal form, the clone made its way into the city proper. After all, Gatō _did_ steal the gift he'd left for the citizens of Wave; perhaps it was time for another party, one where Gatō was the guest of honor.

But inside of Tazuna's home, none of the humans were aware of the demon's plan, and Naruto was in no mood to enlighten them. While the two male genin doctored up their sensei, Sakura returned to the main room, now significantly cleaner. Post battle clean-up done, the ninja settled in for the evening.

* * *

Oni-sama, still a face without a real name, strolled through the streets of Wave Country. All around him, he saw desolate people in desperate situations. Starving men, women, and children, thieves and beggars alike. The only people with any sort of money or good health were also armed and were avoided by the general populace. The sheer arrogance and ill-will radiated by them — no need for Kurama to tell him that — was strong enough to make Naruto gag. They were clearly Gatō's thugs.

The giant stood out in the crowd; almost twice as tall as the average adult, it was nigh-impossible not to. And yet, nobody was concerned by him. They couldn't be. As he passed someone, a smile would form on their face, even if for only a moment. Even if the cause was artificial, joy was joy, and it tended to linger in someone's mind for a short while afterwards.

There was a tug on his cloak. Oni-sama looked down at the little boy whose hand clutched the fabric. Kneeling down, he put his hand on the boy's head. "And what can I do for you, little one?"

"Do you have anything to eat?"

Oni-sama frowned. The child in front of him was clearly malnourished, and if the texture of his hair was any indication, he'd been malnourished for a sizable portion of his short life. "I'm sorry, I don't have anything at the moment. But, I heard Gatō had a lot of food, that he and his bad men were keeping it all. I bet I could steal some from him." None of that was said quietly; he was speaking at a slightly-above-normal volume. "In fact, the only reason he has so much food is that he tricks people into thinking he's stronger than he is. Yes, he is strong, but if you're sneaky like a ninja, like me, you can beat anyone." Then, for good measure, he sent a burst of hope through the child and anyone who was listening.

The disguised demon stood and grinned as he noticed two of the thugs marching towards him and drawing their weapons. "Well, kid, I'd love to stay and chat, but these two fine gentlemen seem to want to talk to the magnificent me." He looked over at them and flashed his razor-sharp teeth. "Perhaps I can talk them into feeding me for the evening; it's been so long since I last ate."

Closing the distance between himself and the thugs with more speed than his large frame would suggest, Oni-sama placed his hands on the two thugs' shoulders. "Evening, gentlemen. What can I do for you?"

"Well, _friend_ , you can shut the hell up. Gatō ain't got no food, and talkin' nonsense is a good way to get yourself killed," the sword-wielding thug on the left.

"Well, my mouth's never caused me any trouble before, but maybe that's because I'm a _Silver Tongued Bastard."_ He activated his special jutsu and watched the new emotions dance across their faces. "Come, I've got an offer that you can't refuse. It won't take long."

The two thugs laughed, as if he'd made a joke, and then sheathed their weapons. "Of course, old friend. Lead the way!" the other replied. Oni-sama did so, pushing them forwards with a hand on each shoulder. However, as he directed them around a corner, he spared a glance back. The little boy was still standing there, looking worried for him. The demon winked at him.

Once the three of them were alone, the demon asked, "Where's Gatō right now?"

"Probably at the base, like usual." The demon asked for clarification, and then memorized their response. "Why do you need to know?" the same thug replied.

"I just wanted to pay him a visit, that's all." Then, suddenly and without warning, the demon jabbed his claw into the thug's neck and poured in a large quantity of demonic chakra. The thug collapsed like a Suna puppet without its puppeteer.

The other thug laughed, as if he'd just seen Oni-sama do a cool party trick; such was the power of emotional manipulation, that even in the face of death, his victims couldn't react appropriately to their situation. He had no doubts in his mind that the thug was perfectly aware of his situation, and would have found it frightening, but the demon was forcing him to simply find it amusing. "Your turn."

The demon jabbed him with his claws and injected his chakra as well, but then caught the man before he could hit the ground. Lifting him up while bending his own head down, the demon opened his jaw wide and bit into the man's neck. Blood and chakra filled his mouth. He drank greedily.

Like the venom of a spider, his highly corrosive chakra dissolved every last part of the man's body, leaving the skin for last. Simply by sucking, the demon was able to devour the entire man. When he was finished, he dropped the man's clothing, grabbed the other thug, and devoured him as well.

It was an interesting feeling, the clone noted; he'd only ever done this in his physical body; being made of pure chakra, the clone could feel the gore further breaking down inside his body and spreading throughout himself. It almost made him feel physical, and he wondered if he ate enough people like this, could his clone body become flesh and blood.

He picked up the thugs clothing, noting that all it would take was a simple wash and they'd be good enough to add to his collection. After all, that's how he'd gotten Sakura's new dress. He licked his lips, pleased to taste the last drops of his prey's blood, and folded up the clothes. Having tucked them away in his cloak, he turned and started walking towards Gatō's base.

Stepping out into the busy street, the demon had an idea. "Akuma." The word came out as barely a whisper, but even as he said it, he knew it felt right. Simple and to the point, he decided that it would serve as this face's name. Now properly a persona, Akuma strolled towards a certain yakuza boss's hideout.

Inside him, the chakra of the two thugs finally finished absorbing. They had a little more than an ordinary civilians, enough to make Akuma wonder if they had even a little ninja training. He normally left ninja alone, but he was feeling good today. Maybe, if there was a ninja there, he'd have himself something a little more substantial than that little snack.


	5. Chapter 5: Of Ice and Blood

Kakashi found himself feeling paranoid. It had been nearly a week since they'd arrived, and nothing of note had happened. Sure, that in and of itself was a good thing, since something happening usually meant that they were being attacked, but Kakashi couldn't help but shake the feeling that this was the calm before the storm. Strangely, however, he was almost the only one who seemed to think that way. Save for Naruto, who had become strangely distant and untalkative since they'd arrived, a generally good mood had materialized in just about everyone except him.

And by "everyone," he meant literally everyone. The whole town, despite the constant oppression, lack of food, lack of money, and lack of opportunity, was buzzing with excitement. That too was a good thing, except that it seemed unnatural to Kakashi. The jōnin had no idea how to explain his observations, other than that it seemed _artificial._ Like someone was saying _smile, or else._

And when no attack had come by the sixth day, Kakashi left a shadow clone to train his three students and went out into the town. If trouble wasn't going to come and find them, he'd go looking for trouble, just so that they could avoid it.

What he didn't expect to see was a giant. Brown hair, nearly glowing red eyes with vertical slit pupils, looked to be about twenty five, and bore an almost familial resemblance to Naruto — he matched Tazuna's description exactly, and, more importantly, he matched the description in his Person-Of-Interest file that Kakashi had been briefed on. On the giant's back, there was a man-sized bag, that, despite how heavy it looked, the giant was carrying without apparent strain.

Considering that nothing was known about the man other than that he was a smooth-talking thief who might be able to use chakra and was apparently not affiliated with any village, Konoha wanted information. And so, doing what he was instructed to do, Kakashi started looking for information. In this case, that simply meant walking up to him and saying hello.

Stepping out in front of the giant, Kakashi said, "You know, my client told me about a man who looked an awful lot like you." For an instant, Kakashi thought he'd seen the man look surprised. "You wouldn't happen to be the man they call 'Oni-sama,' would you?"

The giant chuckled, laughing deeply in a way that reminded Kakashi of Naruto. "Only when I'm in a partying mood, Shinobi-san. 'Oni-san' or 'Akuma-san,' call me whichever you like. But you have me at a disadvantage; you know me, but I know neither you nor your client. Perhaps he is a friend?"

"The bridge builder, Tazuna-san," Kakashi replied.

"Tazuna, Tazuna... Old guy with glasses? We met, once upon a time. I helped him out, gave him a little gift. How is he doing? Well, I'd hope," Akuma replied.

"Yes, though he told me he wanted to talk to you. Actually, it was about that gift you gave him," Kakashi replied.

"No, don't tell me, he spent it all on sake and wants more? The nerve!" Akuma shook his head dramatically, but his grin gave his remark away for what it was: a joke. "No, but in all seriousness, I was actually heading to the bridge. I know how much it means to these people, and I wanted to give the crew something to bless it with." He reached back and whacked his bag, which made a duller thud than Kakashi was expecting. "I figured it would give them a little more motivation."

"Ah, then I guess I'll walk with you, Akuma-san."

"Wonderful, Shinobi-san. I would love a traveling companion." Akuma started walking at a pace that was slow for him, but easy enough for a normally-sized person to match. Kakashi positioned himself a comfortable distance away, walking mostly beside, but slightly behind, Akuma. "Hey, Shinobi-san..."

"Hm?"

"You're from the Leaf, right? What's it like there? I've been wondering if I should visit."

Kakashi realized that his traveling companion was probing for information as well. A trade for a trade, he realized the game was to be. "It's a beautiful village, much nicer than, say, Iwa or Kumo. The people are pleasant too. Just mind the children, they tend to play in the streets and lay pranks. What, is there something you'd want to see there?"

"Not what, who. The ninja."

"The ninja?" Kakashi echoed.

Akuma nodded. "Yes. I've always been fascinated with what they can do. It's like magic! Breathing fire, walking on water... Can you do that sort of thing?"

"Perhaps. But there's more to being a ninja than ninjutsu... breathing fire and such. It takes years of hard work and discipline, and it's a very dangerous lifestyle. At times, we have to do some very ugly things," Kakashi replied.

"I know," Akuma said morosely. "I haven't got the right attitude for it; I'm too much of a free-spirit to take orders, and a bit too old to begin training."

"Have you never been trained? You walk like someone who knows their way in a fight, Akuma-san, and you're built like a fighter."

"You flatter me, Shinobi-san, but I only brawl, nothing so elegant as a proper fight."

"You interested? I could spar with you, maybe give you some tips. Or, you could spar with my genin students; they are in need of a challenge," Kakashi offered. If the man accepted, it would give him a chance to judge his fighting ability.

Akuma laughed. "No, no. I haven't got the time. There are places I need to be, things I need to do, and most importantly, people I need to be with. I just picked up this boy, Haku, who just lost his master. Without Zabuza, he feels he has no purpose in life; I stopped him from killing himself and talked some sense into him." Akuma paused mid-stride. "At least, I hope I did. He'd better still be alive when I get back. Damn..."

The two of them fell into silence, walking towards the bridge together. Neither spoke again until the bridge was in sight, at which point Akuma broke out into a run. "Tazuna-san? Hey, does anybody know where Tazuna-san is?"

"Why do you want to know?" a construction worker asked.

"I brought the bridge crew a gift, and I remembered that Tazuna-san is in charge. I wanted to give it to him. Tell him it's from 'Oni-sama;' I think he'll remember me."

"Oni-sama?" "It is him!" "Hey, it's Oni-sama!" "Oni-sama's back!" The murmurs quickly grew into shouts. "Go get Tazuna!" "Tazuna-san!"

The man in question made his way down the length of the bridge, drawn by the commotion. "What is — Oni-sama?"

"Hello, Tazuna-san. I brought you something." Akuma pulled the bag off his shoulder and threw it forcefully on the ground.

"I... Oni-sama, I cannot accept your generosity. The last gift you gave us, the money was stolen by Gatō merely days after you gave it to us. I am so sorry that we couldn't protect it better."

"Oh, I know. That's why I got you this instead." Akuma kicked the weighty bag, sliding it to Tazuna's feet. "You'll also probably want this." From the sleeve of his cloak, he withdrew a slightly-damaged dagger and, holding it by the blade, handed it to Tazuna.

"Wha... what's this for?"

"If you've ever lost someone precious to you, you'll know what to do." And with one fluid movement, Akuma ripped off the bag, revealing the object within. Or, more accurately, the _person_ within: Gatō. Bound, gagged, and horribly bruised, the yakuza boss was still very much alive.

Tazuna's knife clattered to the ground, shock overwhelming is features. "Gatō..." He stepped back once, then twice.

The murmuring started. Akuma picked up the knife and held it out to Tazuna. "You dropped this." When he didn't take the blade, Akuma turned to the rest of the men on this bridge. "Listen! This is Gatō, bound and helpless! This is the man that has crushed your freedom and killed your family. Here he is, bound and helpless. Here I stand, offering you a knife. Will any of you take this blade, and take back your freedom?"

Nobody moved, not at first. Then, one furious man came forward. "Gatō, this is really him?" Akuma nodded, and barely a second later, the man snatched up the blade. "This is for my wife and son, you sick fuck!"

The blade fell, blood ran, and as if a spell was broken, the crowd roared. The crowd, now a furious mob, surged forward to beat the helpless, bleeding crime lord to death.

As it happened, Akuma simply backed away and slipped out of the mob. The moment Kakashi's back was turned, Naruto's clone shunshined away.

* * *

Kakashi wondered what was happening. The main threat to their client was dead, so that was good. But that wasn't what he was interested in. No, Kakashi was interested in the fact that the hired thugs were slowly vanishing. If they'd stopped being paid, as the sudden return of trade and decline of violence suggested, they would have either left entirely or looted what they could. Yet, if someone else had taken charge, the yakuza would still be oppressing the people. Neither had happened.

Unfortunately, they had no time to investigate; their mission was officially at its end, meaning that they had to return home. Kakashi's curiosity was piqued, and leaving it unsatisfied. His team seemed happy, though. Their first C (turned A) rank was done.

They crossed the now completed Nami's Vengeance Bridge, named for obvious reasons. When they reached the other side, however, the man Kakashi had been hoping to meet again was waiting there. "Yo, Shinobi-san. These your students?"

"Akuma-san."

"You two know each other?" Sakura asked.

"In a way. Shinobi-san didn't tell me his name, Pink-chan," Akuma replied. "Although, as it happens, I do know the blondie."

"You do?" Naruto, in his human form, replied. He found it weird to talk to himself in two different personas.

"Well, know _of_ you, cousin. Say hello to Kurama-jisan for me, Namikaze-kun."

"Cousin?" Naruto and Sakura exclaimed. Sasuke looked intrigued.

"Yep. Wasn't able to confirm the rumors that you even existed until recently, and I had no idea if I'd ever meet you. But here you are!" Akuma closed the gap between them, picked up the human-form Naruto, and hugged him, which felt really weird in their single mind. He was on both sides of the hug, and he could feel his own chakra from an outside perspective. It was warm.

Akuma set his creator down on the ground, then tussled his hair. "I can already tell you're stronger than me, squirt. Be an excellent ninja, or be an excellent demon." Then, he turned and started walking the other way across the bridge. "Later! I've got a party to go to!"

The giant suddenly broke out into a run, faster than most ordinary people could move. As the wind blew his cloak, Kakashi and the rest of team seven saw a club-tipped tail wag back and forth. "Huh. I have a cousin," Naruto remarked.

"He seemed nice," Sakura remarked.

"I thought so too, when I first met him," Kakashi replied. "Then he dumped the broken body of Gatō in front of the very people he tormented. But he did say he stopped a guy from killing himself out of grief. So... bittersweet?"

* * *

" _ **And they bought it?"**_ Kurama asked, thoroughly amused.

Naruto, whose consciousness was currently predominantly in Akuma, chuckled. _"Hook, line, and sinker."_ He lifted up another thug to his mouth and drank. Most of Gatō's men were in a stupor, intoxicated by both drink and by jutsu, so they hardly cared about Akuma "downsizing" the group he'd "inherited" from Gatō, even when he did it right in front of them. _"Humans can be so stupid sometimes."_

Akuma had found Gatō on the first day he'd gone looking; the man wasn't particularly hard to find. Days two through six, he'd spent them drilling the man for everything from bank accounts to hidden caches, which he'd "liberated" from the yakuza boss soon after. Much of that money would find its way back into the economy of Wave, though some of it had been hidden in a scroll he'd passed to his original during their hug.

" _ **Not 'can be.' They**_ **are** _ **stupid."**_

Kurama, of course, was amused by the whole venture. He'd offered the idea 'take over a country' to Naruto, and then left the actual execution up to his son, aside from the occasional advice. In the short time his team had been there, including the week or so after the death of Gatō, he'd been integrating himself into the populace. They saw him as something of a hero, a bringer of justice. Between that, the legitimate businesses signed over to him, and the control he'd seized in the local yakuza, Naruto was basically in the same position Gatō was in.

" _Not all of them are stupid."_

That said, he wasn't about to fall for the same mistakes Gatō had made. From his experiments in the past, he knew that happy people were much more compliant, and if he could make them happy through _natural_ ways, they'd love him even if, for some reason, his powers failed him.

" _ **Maybe, but even that Haku of yours had his stupid moment. Smart people don't try and kill themselves."**_

Akuma looked over at Haku, who was happily reading a book, despite the carnage happening around him. Akuma had met the young mercenary ninja when Kurama lead him to the boy's because of his extreme grief. What Naruto hadn't known was that his his depression and his belief in being "only a tool" made Haku extremely susceptible to Naruto's more complex manipulations. A simple offer of work and a single dose of happiness and hope had the boy latch onto Akuma fiercely. By the third dose, which should have only left a sense of vague kinship that would fade quickly, Haku was willing to strip for them. Naruto hadn't even manipulated the boy's lust or love.

" _But we can agree that Haku wasn't, isn't, in his right mind."_

Despite his talk, his suggestions that he could and would bed anything that moved, Haku's zealous devotion had scared him off. Perhaps, when the grief of Zabuza's death wasn't so fresh, Naruto-as-Akuma would let the boy sleep with him, but for now, it was a solid no.

" _ **True. Maybe he'd get in his right mind if you actually slept with him, though. He's begging you, Kit."**_

" _Kurama, no."_

" _ **Why? All those people whose emotions you twisted until they couldn't say no didn't bother you, so why should he?"**_

"Kurama..."

" _ **I don't get you, Kit. Ninja are the only people on the planet where the rape of enemies for fun and profit is not only legal, but encouraged by your leadership. There are shinobi and kunoichi who have killed with their genitals alone."**_

" _Really? Huh..."_

And so began the reign of Akuma, yakuza boss, hero of wave, and man-eating demon. For thirteen year old Naruto Namikaze, life was taking its turn for the weird.

* * *

Kakashi was making his detailed report alone.

The primary report, done earlier, had been signed as accurate by the three genin, who had been paid accordingly. Since the mission rank had gone up, Minato paid his son that of an A-rank, but then docked the original C-rank's pay. That still was a sizeable sum of money, both in what he'd gained and what he'd lost. It was also a drop in the bucket compared to Naruto's personal funds now, but the Hokage didn't know and didn't need to know that.

After the primary report, Kakashi had cashed Zabuza's head into the bounty office, and had made several million ryō for his efforts. Since Naruto had been the one to disarm Zabuza, at risk to himself, Kakashi had shared a portion of that money too. Naruto had left two million ryō richer, and quite happy.

But now Kakashi was reporting all the little details. He'd done his written report that included everything he could remember, plus all of his speculations, but now he was telling that to his former sensei and current boss.

"Sir, on day six of the assignment, I departed Tazuna's residence after having left a shadow clone proxy. I was acting on a hunch, based upon available information, that the enemy may have been preparing something. Scouting through the town, I found no evidence of such, but I did run into a person of interest, codename: 'Party Demon.' He matches his description perfectly, though I add that he also possesses a tail and small horns that are mostly hidden under his hat. As we were both in public and he was displaying no aggressiveness or hostility, I approached and initiated contact. He identified himself as both 'Oni-san' and 'Akuma-san.' The locals used the former, along with the honorific 'sama,' while I chose to use 'Akuma-san.'

"The POI remained friendly, and expressed a desire to visit Konohagakure, as well as hinting at being well traveled. He expressed an interest in our ninja, specifically ninjutsu, but admitted that he was beyond the age of shinobi training. Curious, I attempted to gauge his chakra reserves, though I could not seem to get a solid grasp on his strength. It had notable similarities to your son's own demonic chakra, though it was far more turbulent. I can best describe it as a mixture of chakras fighting one another. This was apparently normal to him, as he showed absolutely no discomfort. I then remarked on his movement, which was remarkably fluid. He described himself as a 'brawler,' not a 'fighter,' suggesting that he has no formal combat experience.

"Another thing he'd mentioned is that he was now in the company of one 'Haku,' male. Haku was apparently the companion of Zabuza, and was distraught by Zabuza's death. The POI claims to have prevented Haku's suicide, but then wondered if Haku had tried again during the course of our conversation. The continued survival of Haku remains unknown, and assuming that Haku is alive, the continued companionship of the two is not guaranteed.

"We had been traveling to the bridge. Upon our arrival, he was greeted pleasantly by the crew, having apparently brought them a 'gift' before. According to Tazuna, the gift was money. The later loss of the money by the people of Wave did not seem to bother him at all; in actuality, he'd already known. He revealed that the bag he'd been carrying contained none other than Gatō himself. Due to his own presence, I hadn't even realized Gatō was in the bag."

Here, the Hokage interrupted him. "What condition was Gatō in?"

"Bruised. Likely several bones were broken. His limbs and mouth were bound. Almost immediately upon Gatō's reveal, he encouraged the bridge builders to attack the man, offering them a knife with which to stab Gatō. The POI disappeared during the confusion.

"Later, on day thirteen, post mission-completion, we, as in all of team seven, encountered the POI again. We talked briefly, where he revealed that he was Naruto Namikaze's cousin, related by 'Kurama-jisan.' Whether or not this was a figurative or real relationship was unknown. According to the POI, this meeting was entirely unintentional. He briefly hugged Naruto, and then wished Naruto well, before he ran back to Wave across the bridge. That was the end of our encounters with 'Akuma-san.'"

Minato rubbed his chin as he digested the information. "Did you happen to get a chance to use your sharingan on him?"

"No, Hokage-sama."

"And he used no jutsu?"

"As far as I could tell, none at all."

"Did he use any chakra at all?"

"I believe he can enhance his speed with chakra, but to what degree, I am unsure. I believe he might be capable of a shunshin-like technique."

"And finally, is there anything else to report?" Minato asked. Kakashi explained his observations with the disappearing thugs. Minato listened without commenting. When the jōnin was done, Minato said, "Thank you, Kakashi. Please take a copy of your report to the Intelligence office when you leave. Now, off the record, how was Naruto?"

"Immature, at first, but as the mission wore on, he became more serious and more withdrawn. He spaced out a lot, but only to the point that it took a single word to get him to refocus. However, he was competent in his duties and never zoned out while on guard. I think it was just being out of the village for the first time getting to him. Sasuke and Sakura both also mellowed out, so I don't think it's anything to worry about."

"Thank you, Kakashi."

* * *

The mattress and bed frame were custom made. That is, the frame was two normal frames hacked apart and nailed together, while the two mattresses were shoved together length-wise. The wood scraps, along with a few other boards, were used to hold up the middle. The bed, as large as it was, had to be shoved up against the wall for there to be any floor space in the room. But such measures were necessary; the bedroom, which had once belonged to Gatō, now officially belonged to Akuma.

One would think that a shadow clone or a chakra construct wouldn't need sleep, and they'd be right. However, Akuma had devoured so many people recently that he'd completely filled himself up. His healing factor, which apparently worked on clones as well, had taken the material he'd consumed and built a body in his image, the image of Akuma. When the clone tried to drop the henge, the chakra dispelled... and that was it. His face didn't change. It was Akuma.

" _ **Of course,"**_ Kurama explained. _**"It's obvious in retrospect. You're a demon, a chakra being. That you have a physical body is just a bonus. Your powers and base form are defined by your soul, but the details are defined by your mind. You held the transformed clone for so long, it became a part of you. You could probably reclaim it and its power if you killed it, or you could transfer completely if it killed your original body. But for now, you have a new body, and if I'm not mistaken, it's a variant of the rinnegan path body."**_

The upside to it being physical was that it took less chakra effort to do anything with it, as there were nerves, muscles, and bones supporting it. The downside was that it now needed food, water, and sleep. Not that that was a bad thing; all three of those were pleasant things. However, the need for actual sleep lead to the interesting situation he found himself in now.

As he drifted into consciousness, Naruto felt a very solid weight on Akuma's chest. He cracked open the crimson eyes. Haku. The young hyōton user was curled up on his chest, using his bare pecs as a pillow. His hips were just above Akuma's groin, and with his legs spread out as they were, were they vertical, Haku would have been straddling Akuma's morning wood. Meanwhile, Haku's left foot was playing with the demon's tail, hinting that the human was far more awake than his appearance suggested.

They were also both naked. That was normal for Naruto, in either body. Haku, not so much. The Yuki boy had always slept in his clothes, as far as Naruto had seen. This, this was different. "Haku."

"Morning, Master."

That was also new. "Master, Haku? Since when am I 'Master?'"

Haku tried to bury himself further into the mass of muscle that was Akuma. His hips twitched, causing him to grind into Akuma's engorged member. "You've been Master for a while now, Akuma-sama. I just didn't quite realize it until last night. You make me feel safe."

Laughter rumbled out of his chest, causing the smallest of the pair to bounce. "Haku, the boy who feels safe in the company of demons."

"I suppose you're right. But unlike Zabuza, you have yet to push me away."

Naruto sighed with both of his bodies. Akuma's tail curled up and around Haku, while his arms followed suit. Grabbing his butt, Akuma slid Haku up so that their faces were next to each other. "Haku, you seek purpose?" A whispered _yes_ drifted into his ear. "Then, as a person, I ask you to be my tool in my quest for as long as you like. I ask you to share my purpose."

"Yes~"

"Good, Haku. Very good."


	6. Chapter 6: Road to Chūnin, part 1

_Poof._ "Yo!"

"You're late, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura yelled. Around her, Naruto, Sasuke, and the entirety of team ten nodded. Of course, none of them were really mad; they'd planned around Kakashi's weird schedule.

Team seven and team ten were meeting again for their weekly spars. They'd been having them ever since the formation of their teams, though recently, they'd gotten a bit rougher. The moment Asuma had heard that Naruto survived having nearly been cut in half, and then having Naruto prove it by mutilating himself with the very same sword, he'd told the Ino-Shika-Chō trio to go all out, at least against Naruto.

"Human Bullet Tank!" Chōji shouted as his body rapidly ballooned. In less than a second, he was spinning towards Naruto at high speeds.

"Naruto, blunt tail! Sakura, chase!" Sasuke roared even as he performed the hand seals for the Phoenix Sage Fire Technique. He fired, aiming for the area around Shikamaru, hoping to force the Nara back.

Naruto, on hearing the order, stopped fleeing the human boulder and jumped into a handstand. He wound up his entire body, and with a massive _boom_ , slapped Chōji with the blunt part of his tail like a baseball bat. Chōji was sent careening towards Ino, who was forced to dodge.

What Ino wasn't expecting was Sakura to be chasing Chōji, ready to pepper her with shuriken. Blunted training shuriken they may have been, they still stung when they hit Ino in the face. But they hurt Ino's pride slightly more, as a face strike, as per the rules of this spar, was considered an automatic out. "Sakura killed me!" Ino shouted as she retreated.

Shikamaru muttered something under his breath. He made a hand seal, and with a quick flick of his shadow, sent Chōji towards Sasuke.

"Wind!" Sasuke shouted. Naruto's hand transformed into a cannon, and he shot a concentrated blast of blunt wind chakra at the human boulder, deflecting it to the side. Having not charged up his chakra, and instead having fired instantly, the blast was only a low C-rank jutsu; even a civilian could have survived that hit. But, lethal or not, the wind blast did what it was supposed to do, knocking Chōji aside.

"Sasuke, look out!" Sakura called. Her arms, moving against her will because of the shadows, caused her to throw her remaining Shuriken. Sasuke dodged, but ended up right back in Chōji's path. Naruto, acting quickly, shoved Sasuke out of the way and took the hit from Chōji.

Meanwhile, Shikamaru did the smart thing with his captive, and forced her to draw her kunai. He made her hold it up to her own neck and forced her to draw the blunt ring of the kunai across her neck. Knowing that it very well could have been the sharp end, Sakura shouted, "Shikamaru killed me!"

Sasuke, though trying to ready himself for the next volley, had to look away from his teammate for the moment. Naruto had taken the full brunt of Chōji's strike, and had been run over. Everything from the navel down had been pulverized. Naruto was currently propping himself up with two of his arms. "You ok, Naruto?" Sasuke asked.

"I will be. Buy me a minute."

Sasuke nodded. Readying his kunai, he tossed it at Shikamaru, who dodged. However, the clever Nara was also ready for the small fireballs that chased after it. "You are troublesome with that fire."

Suddenly, there was Chōji. By now, he was moving noticeably slower, but he still was incredibly heavy. Sasuke jumped, which was enough so that when Chōji struck, Sasuke bounced into the air.

"Exit four!" Shikamaru shouted at the top of his lungs. Chōji suddenly shrank back to normal and slid under the airborne Sasuke. Kunai at the ready, the Akimichi struck.

"Chōji killed me!" Sasuke shouted.

Now it was two on one. Other than some bruises on Chōji's body, the two remaining members of team ten were basically unharmed, though they were both running low on steam. Conversely, Naruto, while still down a pair of legs and a tail, had six functional arms, each with a mounted arm cannon, that could fire tremendous blasts. They were aimed at both the Nara and the Akimichi.

"Chōji, Shikamaru, stand down!" Naruto demanded.

Chōji glanced at his friend, who mouthed something Naruto couldn't quite catch. Turning back to Naruto, Chōji dropped out of his ready stance and calmly walked towards the demon. "Good spar. Are your legs good?"

"Yeah, I'll finish healing them in a minute. Still, that was fu-WHAT!" Naruto's body couldn't move. There, emerging from between Chōji's legs, was Shikamaru's shadow.

"We didn't actually surrender," Shikamaru replied. "Chōji, finish it."

Chōji punched Naruto in the front face. As per the rules, head strikes were lethal.

Asuma and Kakashi stepped up to their genin. "Well done, both teams," Asuma said. "Not to sound like Gai, Kakashi, but that's 3-2 in my team's favor."

"Yes, I suppose it is. I guess that just means I'll have to train my students harder," Kakashi replied. "Naruto, you have the most eyes of any person on this team. I expected better situational awareness from you."

"Yes, sensei."

"That said, you, _all of you,_ Asuma's team included, have shown remarkable improvement," Kakashi continued.

"That's why we've decided to allow you six to compete in the Chūnin exams," Asuma said.

"That said," Kakashi added, his tone changed to a more serious one, "We, Asuma, Kurenai — who's also entering team eight — and I were talking, and we realized that none of you had very much in the way of live combat training. Yes, we've had these spars, but none of you have been in life-or-death situations. So, we've decided that while we'll nominate you, we will not be offering our support in the final promotional decisions _this time_. If you are promoted regardless, good for you. If not, then use this as the learning experience we intend it to be."

The genin, who had looked ecstatic to be considered for the chūnin exams, were now noticeably less so. Still, there was a fire in each and every one of their eyes, one determined to prove to their senseis that they could pass, even without help.

"Also, I bet Asuma two hundred ryō that I could get more of my students into the final exam then he could. So make him pay, team seven."

"I'm going to crush you, Ino-pig!"

"Not if I crush you first, Billboard Brow!"

Sparks flew.

* * *

Naruto strolled through the streets of Konoha in his human form. He never publicly showed his demon form while off duty, simply because it was more convenient to be able to fit in the places where he wanted to go. Rumors of his demon form were already circulating, however, and considering the reputation of demons and humans who bore the "demon" title, it was no wonder that the people were starting to give him a wide breadth as he walked.

But that was ok; what did he need stupid humans for, anyway? And if he really needed their affection, he could just make them love him.

Right?

He was in a funk, Naruto would admit. It was one of those weird sorts of moods that struck from time to time with little prompting, stayed for some time, and then left just as fast. Even someone as "eternally optimistic" as Naruto fell prey to them from time to time.

Minato was busy. He was always busy, nowadays. Sure, his father could always make a shadow clone for when Naruto wanted time with him but he couldn't be pulled away, but that wasn't the same. The knowledge that the man you're looking at is an exact replica of the one you love, but would vanish if you hugged them too hard, was unpleasant. Time spent with a clone, even if the original would get the memories, just wasn't the same.

At least, however, he wasn't the only one in a foul mood; Kurama had found someone who was just a big ball of concentrated rage. That the owner of the rage was surrounded by two spots of dull fear, and yet nobody else was reacting, was interesting enough to attract the demonic pair's attention. So, Naruto strolled through the streets of Konoha, searching.

It didn't take long to find them. Sitting at a picnic table in one of Konoha's many little gardens were three shinobi, all three of whom wore the Suna hourglass symbol. The two fearful ones were the girl and the boy with the face paint. The third, with the kanji for "love" on his head, looked utterly bored despite the rage emanating from him.

" _Maybe he has a split personality,"_ Naruto suggested, after Kurama had noted the dual-emotions as well.

" _ **Or maybe he has two spirits in one body."**_ Kurama's eyes widened. _ **"Like us. Get closer, I want to feel his chakra."**_

"Hello, Suna ninja-san!" Naruto called out, a semi-faked smile spreading across his face. "Are you here for the Chūnin exams?"

The love-marked one replied in monotone, "Yes. We are."

"Cool! Then I'll see you there!"

" _ **Drop my name, Kit. I want to see his reaction."**_

"Now, forgive my forwardness, Love-san," — Naruto made and obvious glance to his forehead — "but a very close companion of mine is a sensor, sensing emotions instead of chakra. Kurama was curious as to why you feel so angry, and yet look so bored."

The red haired shinobi suddenly clutched his head and groaned in pain. He growled, "Mother wants your blood!"

The fear spiked in the other two shinobi, causing them to jump back. "What the hell did you do to Gaara?" the male asked.

"Said a name only two women outside this village should know. So the question is, Gaara, who is your mother, Matatabi or Kokuō?" Naruto asked. However, that only seemed to upset Gaara even more, enough that Gaara was willing to attack. The gourd opened, and sand floated out.

"No fucking way. You're Shukaku's kid?" Naruto asked, recognizing the sand for what it was. "But... Shukaku's a _guy._ "

The sand froze in place.

"What the hell?!" the girl exclaimed.

Naruto looked at her, but jabbed his thumb at Gaara. "He holds Shukaku, right? The one-tailed tanuki?" She nodded. "And he calls him his _mother?_ The most hyper-masculine of the bijū, a female? Oh, Kami!"

The blond girl didn't reply, but she didn't need to. At that moment, deep within Naruto's gut, the fox was howling. _**"Let me out! Let me out! I need to speak! Let me out!"**_

" _Shut up, fox. Here."_ Naruto stepped aside, his mind fully moving into Akuma's body while Kurama took control of his original.

Malevolent, fiery-red chakra erupted out of Naruto's body, forming a shroud around him. It formed itself into Kurama's face, while out his back, nine tails of crimson chakra erupted forth. His eyes, normally solid purple, turned solid crimson. And when he spoke, it was Kurama's booming voice, not Naruto's human one. **"Well, little** _ **brother**_ **, we meet again, both bound inside hosts."**

Around them, dozens of shinobi, many of them ANBU, appeared with more coming every second, all drawn by the release of the kyūbi's demonic chakra. As for the two Suna ninja, they turned-tail and ran. Kurama paid them no mind; he had other concerns at the moment. **"So, what's this I hear about you becoming a female?"**

Kurama grabbed the Suna jinchūriki. Demonic chakra poured into Gaara; were he anyone else, that amount of corrosive energy would have killed him instantly. As it was, it merely burned the skin under Kurama's hands. The energy twisted around, searching, until it found the boy's seal. **"Because, after you humiliated me the way you did, you giving up your own pride and joy makes me feel** _ **amazing."**_ Then Kurama saw Shukaku through the seal, and the laughter that was underscoring his voice vanished. **"That's just sad, Shukaku. Where the hell are your balls?"**

" **Shut the hell up, Kurama!"** Shukaku shouted back from within the seal. **"I don't have to answer to a slut like you!"**

" **Yes, I'm a slut. That's the point! You beat me at my own game, and then you go and mutilate yourself! A man's pride is his balls, and you had the biggest in the world! You are** _ **literally**_ **the only person I've ever lost to in matters of the body, and in the game of love. I admit that! So what the hell happened to you?"** Kurama shouted.

Shukaku's paws clutched his head, which he shook back and forth. **"No, no no!"**

" **Shukaku!"**

" **SHUT UP!"** He fell silent, though the tanuki's body still shook. Much, much quieter, the castrated tanuki repeated, **"Shut up..."**

Kurama frowned. Normally, his brother acted like a crazed, happy drunk, one who lived bombastically and enjoyed every moment. This, this was wrong. **"Shu, talk to me."**

" **They hurt me, Kurama. I'll kill them all. I'll wipe every last shitty human off this planet. Now leave me alone."**

Something unspoken passed between the two brothers, and in that instant, the fox understood. Realizing that he had very much overstayed his welcome, Kurama withdrew. Pulling his son's hand away from Gaara, the kyūbi let his chakra fade back into the seal. Before he faded back completely, he looked Gaara in the eye, though he said nothing. Then, in the time it took to blink, Naruto found himself back in control of his own body.

" _ **Go home, Naruto. I don't want to be around filthy humans and their disgusting emotions."**_

Naruto nodded, both at Kurama and at Gaara. "Later, cousin." Then he shunshined home.

* * *

It took nearly fifteen minutes for Minato to arrive. For the Yellow Flash, that may as well have been an eternity. He'd teleported, expecting to end up in a fight, or at least somewhere public. Instead, he ended up in his son's room.

"Naruto?"

The boy was lying in bed, just staring at the ceiling. He didn't look in Minato's direction, but he did speak. "And now you show up."

"Naruto, I was just told that you called on the kyūbi's chakra in the middle of town!"

"Kurama-tousan's 'the kyūbi' now?" Naruto quipped rhetorically. He rolled over to face his father. "Well, ' _the kyūbi'_ wanted to talk to his brother, ' _the ichibi_.' So I let him."

"Talk to... the ichibi is in Konoha?! Naruto, who is its jinchūriki?"

"A genin named Gaara," Naruto answered.

"Gaara? The Kazekage's son?" Minato's hands came together in a cross. The shadow clone that appeared teleported away an instant later.

Naruto sat up, a smile forming on his face. "At least I got the real you this time. A clone would have just poofed. Glad at least _one_ of you right now, Tousan."

"One of us?" Minato cocked his head to the side. "What's up with Kurama? What actually happened between him and the ichibi?"

"Shukaku. His name is Shukaku. They talked. The people of Suna did something horrible to Shukaku-jisan, and it made him lose his balls, both figuratively and literally. At first Kurama was happy, seeing his rival so ashamed, but now he's just pissed off." Naruto sighed and leaned back so that he was looking up at the ceiling again. "I've never actually heard him this mad. Normally, when he rants, there are sex jokes and half-hearted rape threats. This, this is just pure death and slaughter." There was a beat of silence. "And now he's pacing."

Minato sat down on the edge of Naruto's bed and put a hand on his son's belly. "Naruto, I really wish you didn't have to listen to any of that; it's not good for a child your age to hear that." He chuckled morbidly, knowing that there was nothing he could actually do to silence the demon in his son's gut. "Oh, Kami. Naruto, should I be worried about this? Both Kurama and Shukaku?"

Naruto shook his head. "No, I don't think so, not now at least. Just keep doing your job, but keep an eye on Gaara anyway. Shukaku-jisan was swearing death to all humans, and I really do think he meant it."

"Right, well I'll put an ANBU tail on him, just in case."

The young demon chuckled. "Like that'll stop him if he wants to escape. The ANBU aren't as good as you think."

Minato leaned in close. "Oh, what makes you say that? I happen to think my ANBU are very good."

Naruto grinned. "Let's just say the Wave mission wasn't quite the first time I'd actually left the village."

* * *

His feet splashed through the water that perpetually flowed through the seal. No matter how he changed the rest of the seal, the water always returned. How the water behaved actually depended on Kurama, rather than Naruto. The deeper the water, the more Chakra Kurama was putting out. The temperature of the water was based on the fire chakra he was emitting, while the speed at which it flowed depended on Kurama's wind chakra.

It was fast, deep, and boiling hot. Despite that, it didn't actually burn Naruto, nor did it prove to be any hindrance on his movement. It did, however, leave the young demon nervous.

His mental bodies, both that of Akuma and Naruto, wore no clothing. Why both bodies appeared in the seal, he didn't know, nor did he bother asking why. He also didn't bother stopping to admire himself, and instead trudged his way down the flooded corridor of the bijū-sized palace.

When he finally came to the main room, the young demon found his father staring at a headless statue of a tanuki, the remains of its head clutched in his hand-like front paw. The fox heard Naruto's two bodies approaching, and turned to face them.

Never before had Naruto seen such loathing in his father's eyes, such rage carved into his face. Normally, his fox-father was jovial and smiling. This was the face of hatred incarnate. **"NARUTO."**

"Kurama-tousan, what's with the evil-eyes?"

If a grin could be hateful, the one Kurama gave his son would be the definition of it. **"I REMEMBER, NARUTO. I REMEMBER MY HATRED."** His paws shot out, grabbing both of his son's bodies. As he lifted them up, Kurama shifted himself to a bipedal stance. His tails furiously slashed at the air. **"KIT, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT IT REALLY MEANS TO BE A DEMON. LET ME SHOW YOU THE REAL ME."**


	7. Chapter 7: Kurama's Tale

_Kurama's tale..._

* * *

Naruto, the person you know as your father, the person you think of when you see me, wasn't what I was always like. Before you were born, I was very different. Seeing Shukaku reminded me of what I was, what I am: a being of hatred.

No, don't interrupt.

I am a hateful individual. I hate those who have what I can never own, who can do what is impossible for me. I hate humanity, and I hate demons. I hate my family. I hate a lot of things.

I also love a lot of things. Hate and love both burn in the same place in your heart, and are fueled by the same things. The feelings are not opposed to one another, for both oppose apathy, and one can love what they also hate.

I realize now that this is a story I need to tell from the beginning. So let me take you back.

This story starts with a lake. It has long since dried up and been forgotten, but it was by this lake that this story begins. Around this lake, there were ten important beings who called it home: a tanuki spirit, a hellcat, a strong tortoise, a playful monkey, a wise horse, a kind slug, a happy beetle, a courageous ox, a kitsune spirit, and an old man.

Naruto, I bet I know where you think this is going, but no, none of them are us. Not yet, anyway.

Now, the inhabitants all lived around the lake, but they lived apart. Save for the man, the horse, and the ox, none of them knew of the others. Now, within the man lied the ten tails, the demonic fusion of his own mother and the shinju tree, the god of chakra. Contained within the man, the world was safe from the demon god, but the man was mortal.

The man knew this, so he concocted a plan: he would split the demon and her power. But, to do that, he needed souls to keep the fragments apart. So, using his ability "Creation of All Things," the man forged nine vessels for the nine uneven chunks of power he had broken the ten tails into. Bodies and minds, he could forge, but souls were beyond him. He needed a partner for that. Instead, his power sought out the nine strongest souls in the immediate area and reforged them. Imbued with the fragments of the goddess and the essence of the man, those nine souls transformed from beast to person to bijū.

I awoke as something new. Before, I knew love and hate, but never as something like this. Being a _person_ added so many dimensions to everything, but none more so than love, hate, and the pleasures of the body. The old man, now our father, showed us how to transform ourselves into a human. Shukaku and I took it further, teaching ourselves how to change into any human form.

The old man introduced us to the humans of his village, to which we were immediately attracted. By the time he eventually died, we had all found love. And though we didn't know it, we'd found tragedy in the making. At first, our partners all died of old age. So did our next ones. But by the third, we started to see the signs. We were growing stronger, and our chakra was growing toxic. We were poisoning our partners.

At first, we tried to deny it, but that only lasted so long. Worse, I had the ability of power amplification, which made me grow stronger faster. By the time we reached our full sizes and most mature forms, I was twice the size of Gyūki, the next largest. And whereas their lovers could last decades, mine lasted years, or even months.

By that point, the others, save Shukaku, had given up on love. I, however, had not. However, I limited myself to short relationships and one night stands. And while it made me versed in the art of sex, I found myself wanting, hating.

Spiteful, I became. I stole, I cheated, and I destroyed. When I realized that my seed rendered men and women alike infertile, I slept my way through villages, posing as husbands and wives. When I returned, the lack of children had destroyed the towns.

I became bolder. I spent more time in my giant form. I rampaged, laying waste to the countryside. I joined wars, helping whichever side annoyed me the least. My brothers and sisters, though slower than I, eventually came to do the same.

They saw us as monsters. We'd always been monsters of a sort, but the longer we fought, the less we seemed like monsters that were also people. They used us, and we let ourselves be used, all the while growing in hatred.

Eventually, Son Goku discovered the way to open a portal to Hell, though at the time, we simply assumed that it was just another world. We traveled there, and we found demons. Among them, we thrived, gorging ourselves on the souls of the damned and of other demons. Eventually though, we were drawn back to the real world. Some of us, like Isobu and Chōmei, were mellowed out by the experience. Shukaku and I, however, did not.

I had _thrived_ in Hell, far more than any of the others. To be back in this disgusting world, I loathed it. It drove a wedge between us. We fought, and for the first time, we parted as enemies instead of siblings.

As you can imagine, that was not good for me, and I descended into being a creature of pure malice. I did unspeakable things, all in the name of pleasure and spite.

And then my mind was taken from me by Madara Uchiha, and when I was freed, it was by being captured by Hashirama Senju and imprisoned in Mito Uzumaki. For nearly eighty years, I was tortured in solitude. Unlike your seal, Naruto, theirs inflicted physical pain on me my every waking moment — your own mother kept me mounted on fourteen stakes driven through my body.

And then you, a demon, my son, came. You, who could survive my touch. You, who could live for as long as I. You, who reawakened the base, paternal instincts of a fox within me. You, with whom I could finally be happy. For the first time in so very long, I found something I loved without also hating.

So I crafted a mask, that of a lovable pervert, and donned it as soon as I could. And then, when I escaped and was resealed into you, I practiced and practiced and dreamed and wished, hoping that the mask would become my face. Within a year, I was that happy, yet perverted man. Within two, it wasn't even an act. Within the past year or so, I had suppressed all of the last remnants of my old personality. Or so I'd thought.

And then along came Shukaku, who reminded me that this face that I thought I'd crafted for you was actually my real face, from before I was consumed by hate. In fact, I had never really hidden anything at all. I was reminded of myself, and everything that came with it.

So, Naruto, do you want to see my hatred?

Shall I describe for you the sadistic joy I feel when I crush humans between my toes? Shall I tell you about all the lives I've devoured and destroyed, just because? Shall I regale you with my dreams of watching Konoha burn to ash, as the land of Fire lives up to its name?

Naruto, you have the ability to devour others and assimilate their power into yourself, and you have been slowly consuming me. But that's not enough. I want you to devour my brothers, sisters, and their jailers. Take their strength for yourself, I ask of you, for I hate everyone but you.

Or not. After all, this is my story of hatred; yours is just beginning.


	8. Chapter 8: Road to Chūnin, part 2

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at his teammate's appearance. He and Sakura were already at the entrance to the academy, only waiting for Naruto. The Hokage's son was approaching them now, and from what the two other genin could see, there was only one way to describe him.

"You look like shit, Naruto."

Naruto yawned and rubbed his puffy eyes. He had deep bags under each eye, his hair was more disheveled than usual, and when he was close enough, they very quickly realized that he'd neglected his deodorant. "You smell like it too," Sasuke appended to his original comment.

"Gah, shut up, teme." He pushed past them and into the academy. "I haven't slept more than a few hours in the last four days."

"You, not sleeping?" Sakura remarked, "You fall asleep almost as easily as Shikamaru."

"Yeah, well try sleeping when the bijū in your head works himself up into a frenzy and his chakra gives you nightmares," Naruto quipped. "It was a full moon last night, so Kurama was in an especially violent mood. Whatever. Let's just go inside."

The team did. As they walked through the hall, they were surprised to see Kakashi waiting for them just before the door to the room they were instructed to wait in. "Hello, my cute little students. I'm glad to see that you all decided to participate."

"Yeah? Well, why wouldn't we?" Sakura asked. "You said that this was practice for us."

Kakashi shrugged, then stuck his hands in his pockets. "Well, yes, but you should treat this as the real thing, because it is. You should definitely try your absolute to pass, if only for yourselves. I guess... show me that your lack of experience won't stop you from being excellent ninja."

Sasuke grunted, as if to say "that's obvious," and then smiled. "We'll make you proud."

"Yeah." Naruto stifled a yawn. "We'll try our best, but damn, Kurama-tousan chose a bad time to get all bitchy."

"Well, don't let the fox hold you back, Naruto. Sakura, Sasuke, don't let my little brother here pussy out because his tummy aches and he didn't get his nap time."

"Fuck you too, Onii-baka."

Kakashi stepped aside so that they could enter. With a flourish of his hand, he motioned them along. With nods, smiles, and a glare from the blond ninja, team seven entered the room.

They stopped almost immediately, realizing just how crowded it was. "Wow, that's a lot of ninja," Sakura remarked.

Ino, spotting them, marched over. "You ready, billboard-brow?"

"Hell yeah, Ino-pig! I'll crush you!"

Then Kiba and his team made their appearance. "Well, it looks like we're all here," the Inuzuka remarked. "But only team eight's going to be leaving here as chūnin. We'll kick all of your asses."

"Whatever you say, Kiba-kun," Naruto replied mockingly. "Shino-san," he said much more respectfully, nodding at the Aburame. "Hello, Hinata-chan. You excited to be here?"

Hinata, blush already forming on her face, nodded. "Yes. This is really exciting."

" _ **Heh, she's crushing hard on you, Naruto. Lust and love,"**_ Kurama observed.

" _So, does this mean you're willing to be more sociable now?"_ Naruto asked.

" _ **Not really; she's just so light in this room full of stressed people that I couldn't help but comment. If you could just kill everyone else so I can go back to sleep, that would be great."**_

Naruto ignored the fox. "Hey, Hinata, I was feeling pretty cruddy this morning, but seeing you's helping me settle my stomach. I'm gonna stick by you for now. That ok?"

The blush spread all the way across her face and her finger poking intensified. Kiba, who had been listening, was not so pleased by Naruto's comments. He slid into the space between Naruto and Hinata. "Hey, go back to your own team, Naruto."

"Shut it, Kiba, or your fleas are going to hop into your mouth," Naruto retorted. His chakra, normally tightly hidden in public, loosened up, leaking a bit of his demonic killing intent into the air. It wasn't enough to actually scare anyone, but it did draw a lot of attention to the nine rookies.

"Hey, you lot should keep it down," a new voice announced as its owner approached. "This is a real tense environment, and your all doing yourselves no favors."

Sakura and Ino stopped their little argument, Sasuke, Chōji, and Shikamaru all stopped talking, and Shino plus the other rookies all looked over. "Who are you?" Sasuke asked.

"Kabuto Yakushi is my name," he answered. "You're the rookies here, so I'll let you in on a little information. There are ninja from several major and minor hidden villages here, and all of them want to be promoted. Most have already been in the chūnin exams before, and since they all want to win, they'll target anyone who stands out. Right now, that's you lot."

Realizing the truth in his words — they could see the other ninja staring at them — the rookies as a whole quieted down. Sakura asked, "So you've taken the exams before as well?"

Kabuto nodded. "This will be my seventh time. The exams are very difficult, but I've managed to gather a lot of information on the competition, so I've hardly been wasting my time. You want to see?"

He pulled out a deck of cards. Turning a card face up, he placed his finger on it and channeled chakra. One poof of chakra smoke later, the formerly blank card held a map with information on the distribution of the teams from each village. He explained what it was. "I've also got information on individuals, if you've got a description of them."

"Gaara, a Suna ninja," Naruto immediately requested. "Also, for shits and giggles, how about me, Naruto Namikaze."

"No fun; you know his name. That makes it too easy. Alright, Gaara..." He pulled out a card. "Suna ninja, age thirteen. His teammates are his older siblings, Kankurō and Temari. He's completed nine C-ranks and a B-rank, impressive for a genin. There's not a lot of other information, but get this: he's survived every mission without getting a single scratch."

"No way," Shikamaru muttered. "He did a B-rank without getting hurt?" Of course, that made Sakura and Sasuke share a knowing look, since they'd both been unhurt on an A-rank.

"Well, that makes sense. Shukaku's whole shtick is his sand defense and crushing his enemies into a fine red paste."

"Shukaku? I thought you said his name was Gaara," Ino commented.

"Well, Shukaku is the ichibi, sealed within Gaara," Naruto casually replied. "Bijū protect their hosts, because they don't want to go through the trouble of reforming themselves after their hosts die."

The news that Gaara was a jinchūriki sent waves through the genin, and not just the rookies. Anyone who was listening just realized that they were in the same room as a demon vessel, and that he was their competition.

Kabuto kept his face calm. "Interesting. How did you come by that information?"

"I met him earlier," Naruto replied. "Show me my card, and I'll tell you the rest of the story."

Kabuto blinked, not expecting that. "Alright. Now you've got me curious. Let's see, Naruto Namikaze... Here. Konoha Ninja, age thirteen, son of the Fourth Hokage. His teammates are Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno. He has twenty five D-ranks and one C-rank that was later upgraded to A-rank, due to misinformation. Kami, an A-rank? I also have that he was involved in the death of A-ranked missing-nin Zabuza Momochi."

"I just disarmed him for Kakashi-sensei," Naruto replied.

"Still, you survived," Kabuto exclaimed. "That's no small feat. Let's see, you had poor grades in the Academy due to your chronic absences, and you have a reputation as a prankster. There's also some rumors about you I have noted, if you want to hear them."

"Sure, go ahead."

"Well, according to what I've gathered, you are either the vessel for the Kyūbi no Kitsune, or you are the one rumored to be his son."

"You know, I always wondered where those rumors started," Naruto remarked. "I mean, Sasuke, do I even look like a fox?"

"Asks the shape-shifter," Sasuke replied, rolling his eyes. "No, but even your real faces are hardly good looking."

"Gah! I am not ugly! Sakura, back me up on this!" Naruto cried.

"Yeah, no. Naruto, you have _tusks_. Your body may be hot, but your face is _not."_

Naruto dramatically clutched his chest, then fell to his knees. "You wound me, Sakura. You cut me deep."

Kabuto, realizing that he had been forgotten, scooped up his cards and backed away. However, he still listened to the conversation to see if they'd say anything of interest. Unfortunately, he'd get nothing much, as Ibiki Morino chose that time to walk into the room.

"Listen up, maggots, it's time to begin the first phase of the Chūnin Exams: The Written Test!"

* * *

Naruto clutched his head, as did Sasuke. Both of them had quickly figured out that they were meant to cheat on the exam, one on his own and one with Kurama's help, but neither actually could. Without his sharingan awakened, Sasuke had the exact same skillset as Naruto when it came to cheating: nothing useful. Naruto had tried asking Kurama, and got this as his reply:

" _ **I'm a several-thousand year old bijū who spent a large portion of his life in hell. Why would I know any of this? The last time I was human for any length of time, most of this math stuff hadn't been invented yet, I was and still am illiterate, and most of that history hadn't happened yet."**_

Thus, neither Sasuke nor Naruto had much luck cheating, that is, until Sasuke had an idea after having glanced back and seen Sakura diligently working. He raised his hand. "Procter-san, I have a question, but I do not wish to ask it aloud. May I come up to you to ask it?"

Ibiki shrugged. "I never said you couldn't. Make it quick."

Sasuke popped out of his chair and hurried up to the scarred jōnin. He whispered his question into the man's ear, earning a sudden, broad smile from him. "Yes. That is the case," Ibiki replied.

Sasuke nodded. Turning, he quickly marched back. But, instead of heading to his own seat, he went to Sakura. Snatching up her paper, he announced, "You have now caught me cheating one time." He looked at the paper and memorized the answers. Then, instead of returning to his seat or returning Sakura's finished test, he marched over to Naruto. Slapping the test on Naruto's desk, he said, "You have caught me cheating twice." Then and only then did he sit down at his own desk.

Ibiki then spoke. "Now, while that blatant act was technically within the rules, I'm going to have to say that any idiot who tries doing that again will lose all their remaining points." There was much groaning among the class, followed almost immediately by a flurry of people getting caught cheating, but Sasuke didn't care. He jotted down the answers he'd copied and then put his head down on his desk.

Eventually, it was time for the last question. Ibiki explained the rules, and then asked if anyone wanted to leave. Many did. However, Sakura was confident in her own abilities, and since Sasuke had only cost them four of their thirty points, she could do something to help them on the final question. For that, she did not raise her hand, nor did she ever seriously consider it.

Naruto had a similar thought as his pink haired teammate. Confident that he could get the information from her somehow, the final question's risk didn't bother him all that much. Besides, he figured that his father would eventually field promote him if he really was barred from the chūnin exams. So he too did not raise his hand. On the other hand, since he was fairly calm, he didn't have to psyche himself up by loudly proclaiming how he would take the challenge, or some such nonsense.

And so, people kept chickening out. When the flow finally stopped, Ibiki was pleased with how few were left. Then it was time for the final question. He pointed out the testing room's window. "True or false: the sky out there is blue."

"What the hell? What kind of a question is that?"

"The kind that guarantees you all pass," Ibiki replied.

Naruto tuned out the rest of the explanation as to why they'd passed. Having been trained by Kurama, Minato, and Kakashi, and having grown up spending so much time in the Hokage's office and listening to Minato talk about mission reports, all that stuff seemed like common sense to him.

He did, however, pay _plenty_ of attention when the next proctor burst into the room. With a fishnet shirt _clearly_ defining her boobs, _absolutely nothing_ was left to the imagination. In fact, Naruto was paying her so much attention that he barely even noticed the sign she'd pinned up behind her.

"Listen up, maggots! I'm Tokubetsu Jōnin Anko Mitarashi, and I'm the proctor for your next exam!" She looked around the banner at Ibiki. "Nice job at shrinking the group."

"Thank you, Mitarashi-san."

She turned back towards the genin who were left. "But I'm going to cut the rest of you at least in half! Meet me tomorrow morning at training ground forty four, eight o'clock sharp! Dismissed!"

* * *

The forest of death, as it turned out, was a direct result of Kurama's short rampage. He'd spilled off such a vast amount of chakra, simply as a result of having been sealed for so long and then suddenly not being, that it had mutated the life around the village. Effectively, he had done to that forest what jūbi's mere existence had done to humanity: given it chakra. He'd been unsealed for nearly four day, all the while bleeding raw, toxic, corrupting chakra into the world.

The ninja, in the first few years, killed off most of what had formed. However, they kept the most interesting specimens in training ground forty four. Having had nearly a decade to breed out the weakest in a suddenly very hostile environment, the beasts that remained were quite monstrous.

"In here," Anko said, "the beasts, and even the plants, can use chakra. Not only has that made them bigger, stronger, and more hostile, but it's lead to things such as flaming-tigers and birds that launched wind jutsu. There's also a berry in there that acts as a natural chakra pill, but it looks similar to nightshade, meaning that even the seemingly helpful plants might actually be something that's trying to kill you. This is where you are going to be spending the next five days, fighting for a pair of these scrolls!" She held up the scrolls in question. "These are Heaven and Earth scrolls; you start with one, and you need to get the other. Take a pair to the tower within the time limit, and you pass. If you don't make it to the tower, you don't have both scrolls, or you open a scroll before you get there, you fail. Hey, at bare minimum, would at least _one_ team try and finish? We don't want you _all_ dying.

"Now, everyone please take one of these forms. They're wavers; if you die, your home village can't fault us after you sign this. Don't sign, and you fail. Do sign, and your team gets a scroll. And don't worry, you only need a single team member alive to make it to the tower to pass, and there are medics in the tower." She passed out the forms. They were signed, and handed back in. Her chūnin assistants started passing out the scrolls.

Meanwhile, Naruto realized that it was about game-time. Tapping the storage seal inked onto his chest, he swapped out his clothing and grew into them. While the pants were the same, he'd opted for something that was basically just a tight tube of white material that left everything above his pecs bare. He stretched his six arms, two forwards, two up, and two to the rear. He rolled his neck, and when his head finally returned to its normal position, it had its two extra faces.

Now, while there were many varied reactions to Naruto's form, the most interesting of which were those of the members of team Gai. Rock Lee immediately fixated on his arms and torso, specifically how muscular they looked, and then swore that he would train until his two arms were as strong as all six of Naruto's combined, and then appended to that additional training for his legs for thoroughness. Tenten immediately fixated on his back, or rather, the sword that was strapped there: the Kubikiribōchō. And Neji, he tried to ignore the transformed blond. He was successful, at least until he saw that his cousin, Hinata, had her byakugan active and was staring intently. So, thinking she saw something worth knowing about, he too activated his dōjutsu. He deactivated it a second later, and then sat down on the dirt.

"Neji?" Tenten asked. The Hyūga didn't answer. "Neji, what's wrong?"

"There are times where I wonder if I am to be fate's whipping boy. This is one of them."

Tenten grabbed the Hyūga boy by the collar and hoisted him back onto his feet. "Neji, no getting philosophical on me now!"

Over on the other side of the group of people, Anko remarked to a female chūnin that was assisting her, "I haven't seen a body altering jutsu like that since Orochimaru. Can't say I'm not impressed, though. Wonder if it's all real." Then, addressing the group as a whole, Anko said, "Ok, now if blondie here would stop showing off, we can begin. Each team got a number with their scroll. That's the gate you go in. The gates open in one hour, so get a move on!"

* * *

"Naruto, can you give us eyes in the sky?"

Naruto looked at the thick canopy just across the fence. "Yeah, but I don't know how useful it will be looking through this canopy."

"Can you hover, at least?"

"Yeah, why?"

"And how long?"

"Hours alone, indefinitely if Kurama-tousan helps me. Less if I have to fight as well as using only my own chakra."

Sasuke frowned. "I don't want you wasting your chakra, or using Kurama-san's chakra, since that will let everyone know where we are. Just have a clone follow above us by tree hopping; we'll fly once we get a scroll."

Naruto nodded, so he turned to Sakura. "When we start fighting, Naruto's going to go all out; there's no point him in holding back, since he recovers so incredibly fast. You and I, on the other hand, will fight extremely defensively until we can identify who's carrying the scroll. It will probably be the either enemy who fights the most defensively themselves, or the strongest fighter who has the most chance of fighting back. While Naruto and his clones keep the enemies under fire, we'll either look for an opportunity to knick the scroll, or a chance to trap them so we can search at our leisure. If they have an earth scroll, we take it and run. If it's a heaven, destroy it and then run. Got it?"

Sakura nodded.

Something occurred to Naruto as they entered. Seeing as they really were now in a life-or-death battle arena, he decided that this was the time to tell them. Not all of it, but the pertinent parts, at least. "Sasuke, Sakura, since we might have to kill, I should probably tell you this. I have an assassination jutsu."

"Wait, you do?" asked Sakura.

Naruto looked away, which was hard considering he had three faces covering practically every direction that he could look. "Yeah, it's pretty gruesome, and I can't make it _not_ kill. That's why I don't talk about it. But the point is, it only destroys living tissue. It leaves clothing and anything a person's holding behind."

Sasuke replied, "Then use it when we fight foreign shinobi. If it doesn't damage the scroll, you can attack without the worry that you'll break it with your cannons. Is there a limit to how much you can use it?"

"No. Not at all."

"Then open with that, or whatever you need to first to make it work."

"I need to be able to stab them with my claws."

Sasuke and Sakura acknowledged that. The trio set off deeper into the woods. They traveled in silence, and as Sasuke had ordered, Naruto's clone followed above. It wasn't long until he declared, "Hostiles, four o'clock."

The three genin of team seven adjusted their course. Barely a minute later, they found the enemy team, a group of Ame ninja. Landing near the clearing, Sasuke and Sakura drew their weapons, while Naruto armed his arms.

But then, nothing happened. The Ame ninja didn't turn, or even react. In fact, they'd done nothing at all. They were perfectly still.

"Genjutsu?" Sakura silently mouthed. Sasuke drew a trio of kunai and threw them at the backs of the three ninja. With three solid thunks, the kunai embedded themselves in the backs of the Ame ninja. The ninja still didn't react; they didn't even fall over in pain or death, and they didn't poof like clones.

Moving closer, team seven tried to get a better look at the three motionless Ame genin. "I don't get it," Sakura said as she slowly walked forwards.

Then she tripped. "Gah! What the hell was that?"

Sasuke moved to help her up, but then he too tripped. "Something grabbed my leg!"

Then Naruto, who had immediately stopped once he realized that something was wrong, was swept off his feet by something invisible. "That hurt!"

"I can't move my legs!" Sakura exclaimed. Her leg was suddenly yanked to the side, towards the frozen Ame genin. "What the hell?" She was yanked again. "Ah! Fuck!"

Very, very quickly, the trio found themselves increasingly bound in place by some invisible entity. Worse, it seemed to have a particularly horrid tendency. "It's going up my dress!"

* * *

For the sake of the dignity of the members of team seven, let's just summarize the next few minutes as this:

The event ended up being traumatic enough to awaken Sasuke's sharingan with one tomoe in each eye. Upon getting his eyes, he discovered that their assailant was a genjutsu-using plant. Unfortunately, it was too late for team seven, as the age old interplay of tentacles and adolescents was in full swing. One exceedingly liberal use of fire chakra later — which would eventually be dubbed the "Nope! Jutsu" — and they were free.

Minus their anal virginities, of course.

* * *

A few hundred miles away, Haku frowned worriedly as Akuma collapsed to the ground, face red and panting. "Akuma-sama?!"

He moaned; strangely, it sounded like a moan of lust than one of pain. "I'm fine, Haku. I'll be... _Oh Kami..._ fine. _Oh, Kami, my ass!"_

With a poof, Naruto withdrew three sets of spare clothes, which Sasuke and Sakura gratefully accepted. As they changed, Naruto spotted his teammate's new dōjutsu and said, "Sasuke, if I'd known that all you needed to activate your sharingan was a little stimulation, I would have offered to help ages ago!"

"Fuck you, Naruto!"

"The plant beat you to it!"

Sasuke punched him.

Hard.

In the face.

Repeatedly.

"I can't believe I just got deflowered by a flower."

The two boys froze and looked at Sakura. "No. She didn't..."

Naruto burst out laughing. "Sakura made a sex joke! I'm so proud!"

"Shut up, dobe!"

Sakura finished straightening herself out. "Ok, this never happened." She smiled brightly. Happily, as if she hadn't just been molested by a plant, she said, "And if any of you ever even thinks about talking about this, I will make your lives a living hell. Understood?"

The two boys saluted. "Yes, Sakura-sama!"

* * *

Sasuke rode on Naruto's clone's back, conserving his chakra as he and the clone scouted ahead. His sharingan was currently active, scanning back and forth for teams and alerting them to the presence of both enemy ninja _and_ genjutsu-using beasts and plants. Meanwhile, the lighter Sakura rode on the real Naruto's back.

It was already the second day, and they had yet to see a single team. They'd seen the _bodies_ of a few teams, but no live ones yet. They were tired, they were irritated, and they were hungry. They'd been running and fighting for a while now, but only against the inhabitants of the forest itself. Sakura and Sasuke were running low on chakra at this point; due to the lack of trustworthy edible plants and animals, they'd forgone almost all food and instead used a survival technique they'd learned in the academy: chakra nourishment. Functionally the reverse of the Akimichi clan's jutsu, it converted chakra into calories that their cells could use, allowing them to extend and conserve their physical strength at the cost of chakra. Naruto, being the utter powerhouse he was, could use it indefinitely, but Sakura and Sasuke could not. It would have been great if Naruto could use his father's chakra transfer jutsu, but since they weren't Uzumaki, his chakra would cook them alive from the inside out.

The chakra nourishment jutsu also didn't make them _feel_ any less hungry. Worse, it gave them the energy to complain about it. Thus, it was a tired and irritated team seven that encountered another Ame squad. "Tell me these are real," Sakura begged.

"They are."

"Thank Kami."

They landed and fought hard. The battle was quick and vicious, with Sakura and Sasuke doing everything they could to drive the three Ame ninja towards Naruto and his clones, each of which had their claws out and glowing red. As he hit each one, the ninja would crumple to the ground, screaming in agony. When the last one fell, he dispelled his clones.

Naruto looked at his bloody claws. "Hmm... normally, it kills quicker and more painlessly than that. Maybe their larger chakra reserves are slowing it down." He ignored his teammates' expressions of disgusted confusion as he went and stabbed each of the three downed ninja again, injecting more of his corrosive chakra.

Then he looked at his teammates. "So, there's a second part to this, but... If you don't mind, I'd rather you two not watch this."

"What are you going to do?" Sakura asked, though she immediately turned away anyway. Sasuke frowned at his friend, but turned as well.

Naruto picked up all three of the dying ninja and brought them up to his three faces. "Just... getting rid of the bodies." He bit down on their necks. Even with the extra chakra he'd injected, their own chakra had slowed the digestion process down enough that their bones, while now extremely brittle, were still solid. Yet they were no match for the force of Naruto's chakra and mouth sucking them in, and with several loud crunches, their bones shattered.

Naruto gulped and chugged and crunched his way through their bodies. In the quiet forest, the process was disturbingly loud. Then, punctuated with a sigh and a small belch, Naruto finished his meal and let the former ninjas' clothing fall to the forest floor.

Sasuke turned around when the noises stopped; he wished he hadn't. With his sharingan active, he was forced to see the little details he might have otherwise overlooked. The clothes were obvious, but less so were the other features: the long tongues wiping away traces of blood; the drips of blood on Naruto's shirt; the way his body seemed to bulge in his clothing, as if he'd grown in the last minute; and the beastly, animalistic look of pure bliss on Naruto's face. But the worst of all were Naruto's eyes, for in them, Sasuke swore he could see an image of each of the three ninja that faded away as they were pulled into the black abyss of his pupils.

And for the first time, Sasuke began to understand just what it meant to have a demon as a teammate. "You ate them," he said matter-of-factly, if only because he had no idea what to think.

Slowly, oh so slowly, Naruto nodded. "I told you... back when we first became a team... that I liked eating people."

Sakura, who looked green, said, "I thought you were joking as usual."

"Why do you think I became a prankster?" Naruto smiled widely, but that turned out to be the wrong thing to do, as Sakura turned and dry heaved.

"Sakura..."

"Naruto, you have..." Sasuke pointed to his own teeth. Naruto closed that mouth and ran his tongue over his teeth, tasting the last of the blood and flesh that was there.

"At least you're taking this better than Sakura," Naruto remarked.

"I... Naruto, I have no idea what to think," Sasuke remarked. "You were leaking so much killing intent, and... _oh boy."_ He took a deep breath. "Naruto, have you ever thought about eating me, Sakura, or Kakashi sensei?"

"In the way that you've probably wondered if you could kill us, yes. Would I do it? Hell no. As an acquaintance of mine said, you are all my precious people," he replied.

Sasuke sighed and then shook his head. "All right. Fine. But I'm never leaving home without instant ramen again, so I have something to feed you with if you ever decide I look tasty."

Naruto smiled again, though not wide enough to show his teeth save for the small protruding tusks. "That's fine, though you have to admit, you and Itachi look _tasty_ to just about every teenaged girl in Konoha, and to several teenaged boys."

"Oh woe is me," Sasuke replied. His eyes fell on Sakura, who had recovered and was watching them intently. "Sakura, are you feeling better now?"

She said she was. "But what the hell, Naruto?" she added. "Some warning would be nice! _'Hey, you know how I'm not a human? Well it turns out that I like to_ _ **eat**_ _humans!'_ Would that have been so hard?"

Naruto rubbed his head, embarrassed. "You two are literally the second humans ever to see that and live, and the first people I have ever told that I can do that. It's not exactly something I announce. Even Minato-tousan doesn't know that I can or that I _do_ do that."

"How does the Hokage _not_ know that you _eat_ people?" asked the Uchiha, intrigued.

"Because I made myself look like a lazy prankster to disguise the fact that I was escaping the village to train and feed, and leaving a shadow clone behind," the demon explained. "I've got a hiraishin seal tattooed on my back; without annoying him into _not_ jumping to me at every occasion, he might have realized that I was leaving a clone behind if he teleported and ended up near Suna."

"Hey, this is really interesting and all," Sakura said, holding up the earth scroll they needed, it having been pulled from the piles of clothing left behind, "but can we get to the tower? I _really_ want to be out of this insane forest, and we can have this conversation later."

"Oh, sure, Sakura-chan," Naruto replied. "Just let me do something real quick." He gathered up the clothes and weapons and sealed them away into a scroll, a scroll that Sakura recognized.

She looked down at her own borrowed dress. She looked back up. "I'm wearing a dead girl's clothes, aren't I?"

Naruto stood up straight, then rubbed the back of his head. "In my defense, I washed it before I gave it to you."

Sakura shuddered.

* * *

"I think we're supposed to open the scrolls," Sakura said after they'd read the sign on the tower's wall. They were alone in the entrance room, with only that sign as a clue as to what they were supposed to do.

"You sure?" Naruto asked. "They said we'd fail if we opened them."

"I think Anko-san said we'd fail if we opened them _before_ we got to the tower," the pink haired genin countered. "But we might have to open them now."

"If you say so. But..." Naruto didn't need to say what the 'but' was about; they were all thinking it: what if this was a trap. Still, with a silent look, they agreed to go ahead.

Then they opened the scrolls.

"Huh?"

A second later, smoke started billowing forth. "Throw them away!" Sasuke yelled. They did.

The scrolls landed and fully unrolled. Not even a second later, there was a small explosion of smoke. When it cleared, they saw someone they hadn't seen in a while. "Hey, good to see you again!"

"Iruka-sensei?!" team seven exclaimed.

"Yo! It looks like you three made it, and in good time, too. You're only the third team to arrive. But, ah, Naruto?" He looked up and down Naruto's body. "Why do you look like that?"

"Right... I never showed you my true face in the academy. This is what I really look like."

"Oh... Really? No. You've got to be joking."

Sasuke shook his head. "Unfortunately, no, this really is what he looks like."

"Seriously?!"

* * *

They were confined to the tower for the remainder of the tournament. It wasn't so bad; the team collectively was given medical treatment, food, a private bathroom, and a private room. They had to share the common area with the other teams as they arrived, but they were given time, in rotation, to train in the arena in the center.

It also gave them time to check out the teams that did actually make it. The Suna team with Gaara and his siblings on it had arrived first, with no casualties. Team Gai had arrived next, and other than Tenten's quickly healed wrist, they too were unharmed. The sole team from Sound had arrived on the fourth night, minus their female team member, and team ten had arrived ten minutes before midnight on the final day. Team eight also made it with two scrolls, but they were fifteen minutes past the deadline, and thus were disqualified. Another Konoha team had arrived a few minutes later, though they only had one scroll and thus couldn't have competed anyway.

The failed teams were given medical treatment and a hot meal as well, and then were allowed to sleep in the tower for the night. They'd be leaving in the morning with the rest of the ninja, after the winners of the second stage had been briefed

That morning, though, saw Naruto, in his demon form, passing the failed team in the hallway. The moment they saw him, the brown-haired boy held out his arms and stopped his teammates, and then positioned himself between them and Naruto.

" _ **Kit, they are quite afraid of you,"**_ Kurama remarked. Naruto looked at them.

"Stay away from my team, demon!" the middle genin growled. "I saw what you did to that Ame team, and heard what you said. If you even think about touching my teammates, I'll kill you!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Naruto said, then turned and kept walking. Inside, however, he was cussing up a storm. Kurama had been asleep at the time, so he'd been completely unaware that there had been someone listening to him. He felt sick, and he knew that no matter what he did, they'd eventually spill his secret. "Hmm... but if you ever feel like talking, I'm always open to chatting _with a good meal._ Usually, I find that conversation goes well with something a little meatier than ramen."

" _Hopefully, that will keep them quiet,"_ the demon thought to his father.

" _ **Unfortunately, I don't think it will,"**_ Kurama replied. _**"It's a shame you can't make them disappear now; people would notice. If we were only still in the forest..."**_

Naruto made his way down to the arena, where his teammates and the other passed genin were gathering. Once there, he joined his friends as they waited for their briefing on the next task.

The Hokage came out, and with a little nod to the gathered genin, and then another to the chūnin and jōnin instructors, he took his place at the center of the small stage. A jōnin stepped forwards and began to speak. "My name is Hayate Gekkō, and I am the *cough* proctor of the third exam. That exam will be a one-on-one tournament, to be held in one month in the Konoha arena. We will be deciding the first match ups now, but before that, if anyone wishes to drop out, now's your chance. *Cough* Anyone? No. Then there we will divide you up now. Since there are fourteen of you, there will be seven matches in the first round. The winners will be paired up for the next round, and there there will be a three-way fight from the winners of fights five, six, and seven. The winner of the three-way will *cough* receive a bye while the winners of the two pair fights will fight in round three. Then, of course, the semi-finalists will fight in round four. Now, come and draw your numbers."

Then the genin did. When Naruto reached in, he pulled out a number three. He looked up at the screen in the center of the room, and saw that he was not eligible to receive a bye.

Once the numbers had been recorded, Hayate spoke again. "The tournament is as follows: Fight one: Sakura Haruno vs. Kankurō of the Desert. Fight two: Sasuke Uchiha vs. Chōji Akimichi. Fight three: Naruto Namikaze vs. Zaku Abumi. Fight four: Ino Yamanaka vs. Temari of the Desert. For the remaining fights, examinees will be fighting for the slot in the round two three-way fight. Fight five: Shikamaru Nara vs. Neji Hyūga. Fight six: Rock Lee vs. Dosu Kinta. And for fight seven: Tenten vs. Gaara of the Desert. *Cough* Now, before you all leave to train for the month, Hokage-sama has something to say."

Minato stepped forwards and took the Tokubetsu Jōnin's place. "Yes. As you all know, I am Minato Namikaze, the Fourth Hokage of Konohagakure. I am pleased to welcome you to the final round of the chūnin exams. Now, not to speak ill of the dead, but my late predecessor would have probably given you some long-winded speech about how the chūnin exams are a replacement for war, and all that. Instead, I'll just get to the point: train hard, do your villages and yourselves proud, invite your friends and family to cheer you on, and good luck!" Then, he stepped back.

"Dismissed!" Hayate declared.

Faster than most could blink, Minato was at his son's side grinning like a loon. "I knew you could do it! Good job Naruto, Sakura-chan, and Sasuke-kun. I'm proud of all three of you for making it this far." He held out his hand. "Here, want to go get some breakfast? My treat."

Accepting, the three chūnin candidates grabbed his hand. They vanished in a flash.


	9. Chapter 9: Bridge to Chūnin

"So, how was it?" Minato asked as they sat down at the restaurant. "I tried watching with my crystal ball, but the only time I actually had any free time, all I saw were you three hiking through the woods. I missed all the interesting parts."

"It was alright..." Sasuke replied safely. "We only fought one team. We beat them easily. And..." Sasuke closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his one tomoe sharingan eyes were showing.

Minato gasped excitedly. "Sasuke! That's excellent! I- Oh, no, wait here a moment!" He vanished in a flash.

Sasuke barely had time to give the human-form Naruto a questioning look before Minato returned, and with company. "Sasuke!" Mikoto Uchiha exclaimed upon her arrival.

Sasuke's eyes flicked over, allowing him to see his mother and his older brother for the first time through his dōjutsu. He gasped like a blind man seeing for the first time. Happy tears welled up in his eyes. "Mom! Aniki!" He jumped up and hugged his family.

Meanwhile, Minato vanished again, returning once more with guests, this time with Sakura's parents, Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno. Sakura, upon seeing her parents, had a similar reaction as Sasuke.

Once all the hugging and cheering had finished, the group sat down at the now much more crowded table. "So, tell us all about it!" Kizashi demanded. "Did you win?"

The three genin shared a knowing glance, all instinctively knowing exactly what to say and what to not. One didn't go through an ordeal like that without becoming very close to their companions. "Well, it started when Mitarashi-san handed us waivers protecting Konoha from our potential deaths..."

* * *

Haku awoke to an empty bed.

Sleeping with his Akuma-sama, platonically, had become a regular thing by this point, and as of the previous night, sleeping with him had involved a significantly smaller amount of sleeping. He'd been so happy to finally convince Akuma-sama that no, his feelings were not just a reaction to losing Zabuza-sama, and that yes, he was serious about making their relationship more physical in nature. It wasn't a romance, not by a long shot, but he was a tool and he liked being used.

Thus, all things considered, waking up in an empty bed after the previous night terrified Haku. He shot out of bed, put on yesterday's discarded pants, and ran out into the main rooms of his master's mansion.

"Morning, Haku-kun," Akuma cheerfully replied, his tail swishing back and forth lazily. He stood over the stove, cooking a massive amount of scrambled eggs and sausages for their breakfast, and aside from an apron to protect him grease splatter, he was wearing nothing at all.

The Yuki boy relaxed, thoroughly relieved that his master hadn't actually abandoned him at all, although he was a little irritated that he wasn't the one cooking breakfast for them. He'd always been the one to cook when he was with Zabuza, and-

No. Haku shook his head to clear away the thoughts. He'd had his time to cry, and he had a new master now. He couldn't show weakness, not at all. _"Akuma-sama is a demon,"_ Haku thought to himself, _"and I cannot show weakness in front of a demon; demons have no use for a broken tool."_ But more than that, more than Haku would admit, he didn't want to show weakness for his own sake.

"So, I just got some interesting news," Akuma said conversationally. "My little cousin just made it to the final stage of the chūnin exams, in Konoha. I was thinking about going, and wondered if you wanted to come, Haku."

"That sounds fun," Haku replied. "Sure, I'd love to go!"

* * *

Naruto waited for his father to respond while Minato read over the paperwork. They were standing in the missions office, on opposite sides of the desk. In Minato's hands was a C-rank training mission request form, perfectly filled out by Naruto himself.

Minato set down the form. "While this isn't an unusual request by any means, and I would approve something as straightforward as this in a heartbeat were it any other ninja as trustworthy as you," — Naruto held in his wince — "I have to ask: why him?"

"Akuma-niisan and I have been talking. He slipped me his contact information that day in on the bridge, but I didn't realize it until we got home and had already done our report. Anyway, we've been talking, and though he can't use jutsu like we can, he does have some knowledge of demon abilities that Kurama doesn't, especially the ones that _don't_ cause mass destruction, and he offered to train me since he's my cousin."

Minato ran his fingers through his hair. "Naruto, you have a little under a month to prepare for the final test. Are you sure you want to spend it with a demon we barely know anything about? Jiraiya has offered to train you, and I can train you as well."

Naruto had rehearsed this conversation in several times, even so far as creating a clone and henging it into Minato. He had a response ready. "Who says you can't? I mean, in the mornings, I could train with Akuma-niisan, and in the afternoons, you and ero-sennin could hiraishin over to me for more training. Plus, Akuma-niisan says that Haku's still with him, and that I could spar with him."

"Haku? Who is he? I think Kakashi mentioned him once."

"A mercenary ninja from Kiri, and a hyōton user. Three guesses as to why he's not loyal, and the first two don't count," Naruto replied. "The only caveat is that Kakashi killed his former master, Zabuza. As far as I can tell, Akuma-niisan hasn't informed him of my relationship to Kakashi-sensei, and I have no plans of correcting that ignorance", and I don't intend to correct that ignorance."

"I see," Minato replied. Then, leaning forwards slightly, the Hokage said, "Due to the nature of the people involved in this request, I'm going to have to deny it. How-"

"What!"

Minato gave him a look. " _However,_ I have decided that genin Naruto Namikaze will be partaking in a solo C-rank intelligence gathering mission due to his unique relationship with the target. Akuma, a Person of Interest, was reported to be in Nami, and reported to be with a potential Shinobi of Interest. Your mission will be to update and expand our profile on Akuma, and create a profile on Haku. If either appear to be a potential asset to Konoha, you are to initiate friendly contact and attempt to persuade them into establishing communications with Konoha, visiting Konoha, allying with Konoha, or immigrating to Konoha, whichever is most likely and most worthwhile. The start is immediate and the duration is indefinite, pending further observations. Off the record, if you just so happen to learn something that betters yourself as a shinobi, that's very commendable. Now, do you, genin Namikaze, accept this mission?"

"I do." While he was happy that he could leave to go train on his own, he was not looking forward to the report he would have to write up. However, it would give him a chance to come up with a more solid backstory for Akuma so that he could develop the character further. It also gave him a chance to work on their personalities. Naruto still intentionally acted like an idiot prankster, though less often these days, so he knew that Akuma would have to be extra serious and wise sounding to make it seem like they weren't actually the same person.

"Good. Then leave as soon as you are ready."

* * *

He'd said his goodbyes, grabbed his stuff, and booked it to Nami. The small island nation was nearly two hundred miles away from Konoha; by foot and by river boat, it took a couple days to make the trip. However, through the sky, Naruto's travel time was measured in hours.

When he got to Nami, he landed on the mainland in order to walk across the Nami's Vengeance bridge he'd helped guard and build. It was silly, but he liked the sentimentality behind it. He considered stopping by Tazuna's house, but decided against it, since Haku and his clone-turned-path-body were already waiting for him.

It would be an odd month, that was for sure. He'd have to spend a lot of time talking with himself and with the voice in his head in order to make himself seem _normal_. And then he'd likely have to talk to his human father while in character. But he wasn't too worried, especially since around Haku and his clone, he could completely relax.

As he approached the far side of the bridge, he spotted the giant figure of Akuma waiting for him, the proportionally tiny Haku at his side. The two giants, demon and clone, approached each other and looked each other over. It never got old, seeing himself in third person through the other's eyes. "Akuma-niisan."

"Naruto-kun," Akuma replied. "It's good to see you again. I'm pleased that you could come."

"Thank you for having me," Naruto replied. "And this must be Yuki-san."

Haku bowed. "Haku-san is fine. It is a pleasure to meet you, Namikaze-sama."

"Well if you want me to be informal, then feel free to be informal yourself, Haku-san," Naruto replied. "Naruto-san is fine."

"Alright... Naruto-sama." Both Akuma and Naruto rolled their eyes.

"Let's go," Akuma said, turning to lead them back to his mansion. As they walked, Naruto couldn't help but notice that Akuma' relatively lethargic lifestyle and gluttony was already starting to affect his weight, and not for the better. It ticked him off that Akuma's now physical body also needed training.

"Haku-kun," Akuma said.

"Yes, Akuma-sama?"

"I want to ask a couple favors of you," the oni said. "First, I have decided that I am going to be training myself again as well as Naruto-kun. I would be delighted if you two would spar with us."

Haku smiled. "I would love to."

Akuma smiled back, but it didn't last long. "Haku, my other request is the more important one. Naruto and I, though we pretend to have only met recently, have known each other for far longer. Our relationship is _complicated,_ to say the least, and we're not actually cousins. All I ask is that you not pry into our past, nor read too much into any oddities you see. You'll get the wrong idea otherwise."

"I see," Haku replied. "Sure, I can do that." But, by Haku's tone, Naruto knew that Haku didn't quite understand _why,_ but was willing to go along with the request anyway.

"That said, I've got some sake, beer, and other spirits we could crack open when we get back, so you and Naruto can get to know each other," Akuma replied cheekily.

Haku raised an eyebrow. "You just want an excuse to get drunk, Akuma-sama," the mercenary ninja replied knowingly.

Akuma grinned unabashed. Naruto, the real one, had discovered a love of alcohol during his many escapades outside the village, and had fallen in love with it as hard as Tsunade had. Mostly he loved the fact that Kurama and his physiology meant that he could drink as much as he wanted and not go beyond a light buzz, simply because he could not drink it fast enough. Though that also meant he had to keep drinking almost constantly in order to maintain a buzz. Akuma, as Naruto's flesh-and-blood clone, had inherited all that from his original. Now, rich with stolen money and funded by a stolen company, Akuma could easily fund any vices he desired.

"Perhaps I do," Akuma admitted. He grinned lecherously. "Or perhaps I want to get _you_ drunk."

* * *

Too gross feeling to want to get up to get something to drink, but too thirsty to be able to avoid it, Haku settled on taking a shower and simply drinking some of the hot water as it fell across his aching body. It was a good ache, though, one that the boy relished.

There was no real delicate way to put it — he'd been fucked in the ass, and he'd loved it. Somehow, and Haku was sure that it was all part of Akuma-sama's plan, Naruto had ended up joining them in bed. Haku had ended up sandwiched between the two giants, and had fallen asleep that way.

But it had also been an enlightening night for Haku. Akuma was a serious lover who fucked with passion. Naruto, however, was kinky, and had repurposed his various Asura path jutsu into sex tools, such as forming prehensile tentacles with his fingers, or using the path to grow an extra cock.

But with two demons lusting over him, he'd been exhausted rapidly. That's when they taught him how to use his chakra to boost his endurance and accelerate his recovery period. After that, they fucked on and off until morning.

In the breathers between rounds, they'd drank, ate, and talked some more. Haku found that he liked Naruto-sama almost as much as Akuma-sama, and Naruto, as far as Haku knew, didn't have Akuma's mind-altering jutsu.

After he finished with his shower, Haku dried himself off with a puff of wind chakra, made his way through the musky smelling bedroom, and went out into the living room. There, he saw Akuma standing over a seated Naruto, giving the blond a haircut, of all things. The blond's hair was much longer than it had been, as was Akuma's. Haku grabbed his own hair to see if it had grown and he just hadn't noticed, but no, it was just as long as usual.

As he got closer, the young Yuki realized that wasn't the only things that had changed. The most obvious was that Naruto now sported a pair of small horns to match Akuma's, but there were other changes as well. For one, Naruto's face seemed even more mature than usual, while Akuma's looked even more feral than usual. Both giants also had a thick layer of stubble on their jaws, as if they hadn't shaved in days even though they'd both been clean shaven last night.

"What happened to you two?"

"We're not entirely sure," Naruto replied, watching as more of his hair was snipped away. "This is new."

" _ **Actually, I think I know what happened,"**_ Kurama supplied, though Haku couldn't hear him. _**"Body tissue that survives contact with our chakra undergoes a period of rapid growth. In a normal human, this causes aging or the development of tumors, but in someone with a resistance to our chakra's toxicity, it causes a different effect: healthy maturation-type cell division. It happened in Kushina when I was sealed within her, forcing her through puberty faster; it happened in Mito, keeping her youthful longer; and it happened in you, causing you to grow big and strong. Now, normally your own chakra would do this to your own body, but you immunized yourself to its effect when you first transformed at five. The only way it can happen again from your own chakra is if your chakra changes. Guess what happens when you eat someone?"**_

" _My chakra changes,"_ Naruto answered. _"But how does that explain last night?"_

" _ **Both of your bodies have semi-isolated pools of chakra, kept apart simply by the extreme distance, and those pools were 'tainted' by**_ **different** _ **human chakras. Last night, each of your bodies expelled a lot of chakra on the other when you came, and then you spent the night in near constant physical contact. You were exposed to each other's and then the resulting mixture, which further matured each of your bodies."**_

" _Great. Different chakra_ again. _More chakra control exercises, it seems. Fuck, at this rate, I'm never going to have enough chakra control to reliably hold even a basic rasengan, let alone one of Minato-tousan's new elemental rasengans,"_ Naruto bemoaned.

Inside the seal, Kurama shrugged. _**"I don't think that really matters; you can do your own bijūdama with as little control as you have, and that trumps the rasengan. Oh, and Haku's staring at you expectantly."**_

The Akuma body looked over its shoulders. "I'm sorry, Haku, did you say something?"

"I asked if you two felt well enough to spar today, but you two both zoned out at the same time," Haku said. "Perhaps you two should stay in bed, if you're feeling sick."

That made Akuma pause in his grooming of Naruto. "You know, I don't think I've ever been sick."

" _ **Your immune system is full of demonic chakra; I'd think it would poison anything that infected you."**_ Naruto filed that tidbit away under "odd things about his body."

Akuma finished trimming up his hair. Satisfied, Naruto went into the bathroom to shave his stubble. Meanwhile, Haku slid up to Akuma, Kunai in hand. "Want me to trim your hair, Akuma-sama?"

"Actually... what do you think about me keeping it longer? That, and a beard or goatee? Be honest, do you think it'll look cool?"

Haku scrutinized her master's face, even going so far as to reach up, grab his chin, and turn it side to side. "No. Your jawline is too pronounced to hide it under facial hair, you'll look better without it. The long hair can stay. It looks nice."

"But does it look _cool,_ Haku-kun?"

"It's rather flat. Let it soak up some of your chakra so it's more buoyant; I think it'll form into some _cool_ spikes," Haku replied.

Akuma blinked in surprise; Naruto hadn't even known that hair did that. Sure, he'd seen Jiraiya use his hair as a weapon, but he'd always assumed that that was something complicated, so the idea of augmenting his hair with chakra hadn't even occurred to him. Clapping his hands together, Akuma forced his chakra up and out his head, letting it soak into the length of his hair; sure enough, it ballooned outwards into a spiky mane that seemed to defy gravity. "Well, what do you know?"

Haku had an idea. Grabbing Akuma's arm, he pulled the demon down so that he could see eye-to-eye with him. Then he grabbed two locks of Akuma's hair, one from each side of his head, and pulled them together in front of his chest. Then, with a little chakra ice, Haku froze the two locks together to form a single, necklace-like lock of hair that hung just below his chin. "There. Now it looks like a lion's mane around your head."

Akuma looked in a nearby mirror. "Oh, so it does. I like it."

"I'm glad."

"Now, once Naruto-kun is done shaving, we should begin his training."

"Yes, Master."

* * *

Five days later, and at around three in the afternoon, Minato and Jiraiya appeared next to a specific hiraishin kunai. It was the one Minato had given his son, and the one that he had been instructed to leave in a safe place should he not be able to meet them at the appropriate time. They immediately took in their surroundings, and saw what appeared to be a simple bedroom, sparsely decorated, with a futon in the center and some discarded clothes that they recognized as Naruto's.

Minato, spotting the hiraishin kunai, picked it up to get at the note underneath. " _If I'm not here, training with Akuma-niisan and Haku-san went long. You can jump to the mark on my back, but aim high and watch the landing. Naruto,_ " Minato read aloud. "He also drew a picture of himself standing on the ocean."

"Interesting. I wonder if he's actually practicing sea combat," Jiraiya mused. He placed his hand on his student's shoulder. "Ready."

They disappeared in a flash. From inside the technique, they had a short instant of paused time in which Minato navigated the constellation of markers. Finding the one he was looking for, Minato completed the technique and materialized at precisely the same moment he left.

They landed on ice, and immediately had to dodge backwards to avoid the incoming strike. An instant later, they had their grip on the ice and their weapons drawn, only for their assailant to relax and rest his weapon — an oversized, makeshift kanabō — against his shoulder.

"Sorry about that. You appeared at exactly the wrong moment," the brown-haired giant remarked.

The iceberg beneath them lurched, and a masked shinobi emerged from the ice. "I told you two were going to be late," the ninja said.

"Hey, Minato-tousan, ero-sennin." The ice lurched again. "Sorry we're late."

"That's no problem, Naruto," Minato replied. "Though, what ocean are we in? Icebergs don't come as far south as Nami."

Akuma jerked his thumb in Haku's direction. "They do when you have a hyōton user. Say hello to the Hokage, Haku Yuki-kun."

He bowed and removed his mask. "A pleasure to meet you, Hokage-sama, and your companion?"

Minato glanced over at his sensei, fully expecting him to do his introductory routine. Instead, Jiraiya was staring at Haku, jaw fully dropped. For a long, awkward few seconds, the Toad Sage didn't move. Then, "What the hell? _'Kun?'_ That's a _boy?_ He's cuter than most women!"

Haku chuckled. "I never get tired of seeing that. Yes, I'm a boy, as Akuma-sama can very well attest."

Jiraiya collected himself. "Ahem. Yes, well, to the _boy_ who's mastered the art of being adorable, I am the Gallant Toad Sage of Mount Myōboku, Jiraiya!"

Haku bowed again. "A pleasure, Jiraiya-sama."

"So, Akuma-san," Minato said. "It's a pleasure to officially meet you. I suppose that since you're Naruto's cousin on his other father's side, you may call me Minato-jisan."

"Thank you, Minato-t... -jisan," Akuma replied, nearly slipping up with the honorific.

"So, tell me, how has Naruto been?" Minato asked.

"Excellent! He's a fine guest, good company, and a good student! Well, he seems like one, anyway. Haku's been more of the one to train him in combat, as he has formal ninja training whereas I haven't."

"Don't sell yourself short, Master," Haku replied. "You are quite nimble for your size, and you can hit very hard with your Kanabō."

"Yes, well... That's beside the point. All I really feel like I'm doing is giving him a place to practice without prying eyes and where he can spill as much of his toxic chakra as he wants without hurting anyone. I just give him some pointers here and there," Akuma replied. "But it's helped. I've seen him improve. Hopefully, it's enough for his Chūnin exams."

Then Akuma whacked his forehead. "Gah! I just remembered! Naruto, I bought tickets for Haku and I to come see you fight in the finals."

Naruto faked a joyous, surprised expression. "Really? That's great!"

"Well, if he wants to do well, he'd better be training hard," Minato said as he drew out a kunai. "Ready, Naruto?"

"You bet!"

* * *

" _They still buying it?"_

" _ **I think so. Just play it safe, because the perverted sage was eyeing Akuma with suspicion."**_

" _Jiraiya is Konoha's spymaster. He's always suspicious, even when he doesn't look it."_

" _ **He would make a great kitsune if he didn't smell so much like toads. Even through your nose, I could smell him, and he was making me hungry."**_ A beat passed. _**"I wish you would just leave those humans, Kit. They're the only kind of people in the world capable of hurting you, and you want to hang out in their den."**_

" _Tousan, all my friends and family live there! I can't just leave."_

" _ **So take them with you, or visit. But Kit, they'll turn on you eventually. You'll get progressively less human as time goes on, and the villagers will grow to hate you more and more. They'll want to use you, and unlike Haku, you won't be used well. And what happens when you outlive your father's reign? What happens when you outlive your friends and family? Look, I've seen this happen before, and not just with my siblings. And unless you want to brainwash them all, all the time, you'd better be ready to face reality."**_

" _You're really a downer today, Kurama-tousan."_

" _ **I'm just being realistic."**_

Minato glanced out the window of his office. It had been exactly three weeks since he'd first met Akuma in Nami, meaning that the tournament was only a day away. From his vantage point, he could see the two foreigners and his son as they waited at a dango stand near the base of the tower. Akuma, having managed to learn the henge jutsu from Haku, looked like a thirty year old, brown haired Jiraiya, which actually blended surprisingly well with Konoha's populace.

In Minato's hand, he held a folder containing all the information they knew on the man, compiled by Naruto and Jiraiya. In some ways, it was a lot, as evidenced by the sheer thickness of it. In others, it was depressingly little.

They had no information on his family, history, or motivations, and distressingly little on his powers or the reach of his economic might. But power and money he had in spades, that much was obvious. And what was also obvious was that even if the oni hadn't been formally trained and barely knew what a chakra control exercise was, he was aware of his own chakra and could use it.

After all, with only a single shinobi at his side, he'd managed to take over an entire yakuza group and all their businesses, trimmed the economic fat off of them, broke up the front businesses and absorb them into his own companies, and then legitimized them into real businesses. And he'd done it all within two months. Sure, the corrupt laws of Nami that allowed men like Gatō to operate easily also aided Akuma, but they couldn't account for everything. It was all too smooth, and Minato knew that the Konoha Intelligence Department was going to have a field day figuring this man out.

Meanwhile, the man who had effectively replaced Gatō was buying his son dango. Sure, the newly prospering Nami loved him like a hero, and sure, he wasn't strangling the economy like his predecessor, but the man held a lot of power.

Of course, if Akuma ever decided to hire Konoha's ninja, or better yet, ally with Konoha, all those worries would be put aside. After all, Konohagakure _was_ a business made of professional killers.


	10. Chapter 10: Chūnin at Last

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to this year's Chūnin Exams!" The crowd cheered at the Hokage's words, and he gave them a moment to calm down before he continued. "This year, we have fourteen genin competing for the honor of being promoted to chūnin — nine from Konohagakure, two from Otogakure, and three from Sunagakure. As a reminder, they will be promoted based upon their displayed skill, strength, and tactics, not if they win their fights. However, those who do win will get more time to show off their skills. So, without further ado, let the exams begin!"

Hayate Gekkō stepped forwards. "Would the first contestants, Sakura Haruno of Konohagakure and Kankurō of Sunagakure, please step into the arena?"

Sakura walked down and took her spot opposite the Suna ninja and looked him over. He had something big strapped to his back, and she figured that since his sister was a wind user — as evidenced by her war fan — he was likely to be a puppeteer, and that bundle was his puppet. _"Then again,"_ she mused, _"I've heard of some pretty weird things. I wouldn't be surprised if that isn't his only puppet, or he's done something to his body, or... You know what, Sakura? Everything about him is a trap! And I'll deal with it! Shannarō!"_

Unfortunately for Sakura, no, she couldn't.

She'd charged in as soon as the match began, hoping to use her speed-refined taijutsu to pummel the puppeteer before he had a chance to deploy his puppets or traps. Distance was a puppeteer's friend and her enemy, as she still lacked any long range jutsu of significant power. She'd banked on the fact that she could get to him before he deployed, but she hadn't realized that Kankurō already had — that the body that walked down the arena stairs was a puppet, and that its controller was in the bundle instead.

Her first blows connected, the henge dispelled, and Sakura found herself tangled in the arms of a puppet. All she could think was, _"Seriously? Damnit, that was a more boneheaded move than even Naruto would make on a bad day!"_

"Give up," Kankurō said as he emerged from the cloth. "Karasu has you caught, and if you try to break free, he'll crush you." For emphasis, he squeezed the puppet's arms tighter.

Sakura groaned. "I rushed in thinking I could prevent you from laying a trap, and you'd already laid a trap before this even began." She laughed darkly. "And here I thought I was supposed to be the clever one. Damn. You feel like letting me go so we can do a round two?"

"What kind of an idiot do you take me for?"

"Fair enough. Proctor-san, I forfeit. I am trapped, and if this were a real fight against an enemy, I would be dead," Sakura gracefully admitted.

"Winner by forfeit, Kankurō of the desert." The proctor announced. As he announced it, Kankurō loosened his puppet's arms. That turned out to be a mistake, however, as Sakura whipped out her arm and slapped the puppet, then bounced away. The tag she'd applied to the puppet exploded a second later.

"Karasu!"

The audience, stunned by the explosion, barely heard what Sakura said next. However, Hayate and Kankurō did, and that was all that mattered to Sakura. "Kankurō! Don't you know better than to let a 'dying' ninja move? Regardless of what happens, you're fighting one of my allies in the next round, and I'm not going to make it easy for you!"

"Damn you! Proctor, that's against the rules!"

"Actually, it's not," Sakura replied. "There aren't any rules in combat! Besides, I'd already lost! There's not anything he can do to me now!" Hayate shrugged and nodded, then coughed.

Kankurō growled, but made no move to retaliate. He knew it would be pointless, and having seen what remained of Karasu, he knew he needed all the time he could get to fix it before the next fight. "Damn you." He grabbed the pieces and made his way up to the balcony. Sakura, channeling her inner performer, bowed theatrically to the audience and then returned as well.

Hayate then called out the next match. "Would Sasuke Uchiha and Chōji Akimichi, both of Konohagakure, please come to the arena?" The cheering was louder than for the first match, since both Chōji and Sasuke had clansmen and women there rooting for them.

"Hey, Chōji!"

"Yeah?"

"Loser pays for the winner's lunch!"

Sasuke knew he'd pressed the large boy's buttons in all the right ways, for he could see the fire in Chōji's eyes. "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into," the Akimichi boy replied.

Sasuke activated his sharingan. "I'm rich, not stupid. Plus, you don't have Shikamaru telling your _fat ass_ what to do! Try to keep up!"

"I AM NOT FAT! I'M BIG BONED!" Chōji roared. "MULTI-SIZE JUTSU!"

"And he gets fatter," Sasuke chortled, though his comment was quite calculated. He ignored the booing of the Akimichi clan and sank into a ready stance. He knew that Chōji was coming. As the human tank started rolling, Sasuke marveled at what he was seeing. Having trained with Itachi and his mother for a month, his reflexes and eyes were honed for speed. Chōji, while he was faster as well, was nowhere near fast enough. And, since Chōji's jutsu depended entirely on chakra to move and took time to build up speed, Sasuke had a massive heads-up on when and where Chōji was going. Dodging was comically easy.

"Seriously, Chōji, get your blubber moving. You're so slow," Sasuke shouted, knowing that Chōji had a hard time hearing when he was rolling. The comment got through, however, and Chōji practically doubled in speed.

Now it was harder to dodge, but Sasuke could still do it. And better yet, he had the fight going exactly the way he wanted it to, for now it was a battle of attrition. The faster Chōji went, the more chakra he spent and the less control he had over his motion and chakra he had. While extremely dangerous, as evidenced by the deep grooves he was carving into the ground, Chōji was burning his reserves swiftly, while Sasuke hadn't even fired off a jutsu yet.

Even when the Akimichi's body suddenly warped, changing from a ball to a giant-fisted boy, Sasuke had plenty of warning. After having seen Naruto reconfigure his body in the Forest of Death, Sasuke remembered how the chakra flowed; thus, when he saw the same flow in Chōji's blue chakra, he dodged to the opposite side. "Seriously, without Shikamaru, you can't hit squat!"

"I'm going to squash you like a bug!" Chōji shouted. Half an instant later, the Aburame clan members in the audience were glaring at the rapidly growing Akimichi boy. Stopping at a very moderate forty feet high, Chōji kicked at Sasuke, who flipped backwards.

Sasuke was expecting that, however, and had a nasty trap for Chōji. He'd stuck a kunai to the bottom of his foot with chakra, and now that he was airborne, he propelled it with a burst of chakra.

The blade stabbed Chōji's leg. Being as big as he was, the wound was proportionally small, like a paper cut. But a wound was a wound, and between that, Chōji's low chakra, and his inexperience with the technique, Chōji was forced to let go of the jutsu.

Before the smoke had even cleared, Sasuke rushed in and grabbed the downed boy. With a kunai pressed against the other boy's throat, Sasuke demanded, "Surrender!"

Chōji bucked, trying to kick Sasuke's legs out from under him. He succeeded, but Sasuke adjusted his grip and pulled the boy down with him. They rolled, ending up with Sasuke on top, kunai once again near Chōji's throat.

"I'm not kidding. Surrender, or I'll stab you."

The Akimichi let his head drop back onto the dirt. "Fine. Proctor, I surrender."

"Winner by surrender, Sasuke Uchiha!"

Sasuke, remembering what Sakura had done, hopped back to avoid any unpleasant retaliations, but he needn't have worried. Chōji only stood up and gingerly balanced more of his weight on his good leg. "Sorry about all that, Chōji. No hard feelings?"

Chōji sighed. "No hard feelings. Lunch, I guess?"

"Maybe later." And with that, the two friends went back to their respective teammates.

"Third match," Hayate called out. "Naruto Namikaze of Konohagakure vs. Zaku Abumi of Otogakure." The two boys took took their places. "Ready? Fight."

Naruto immediately released his transformation jutsu, assuming his demonic form with all his arms and faces in place. Zaku, remembering that form from the forest, wasn't surprised. However, he did notice one difference. "You not coming at me with that sword of yours?"

"Nah," Naruto replied. "As cool as it may have been, it's not my style."

"Heh, I, on the other hand, know my style well." Zaku's hands shot up. "Decapitating Airwaves!" A massive burst of wind shot out of his palms and slammed into Naruto, knocking him back a few feet before he adhered himself to the ground with chakra.

Up in the stands, while most of the audience was on the edges of their seats in excitement, a small group of ninja — specifically those who knew Naruto — groand in annoyance. The Otokage, a man who strongly resembled an Uchiha, looked at the face-palming Hokage. "Hokage-dono?"

"My son has a jutsu that's eerily similar to what your shinobi just used, and I'm afraid he's too prideful to let that slide." The Hokage, a sensor, felt the kyūbi's chakra start building and mixing with his son's own. "Barrier team!"

At his command, a pulse of chakra circled the arena as a dozen jōnin slammed their hands into the sealing matrix that surrounded the arena. With two known jinchūriki fighting, they had gone to great lengths to find and set up the strongest barrier Konoha could get its hands on.

The wall of blue, see-through chakra went up just as the golden chakra erupted from Naruto. Seeing and feeling everything happening around him, Zaku had only a moment to realize something _very_ bad was about to happen.

"Damnit, don't copy me. That's my jutsu!" The figure, now cloaked in golden energy that gave his faces each a fox-like appearance, raised his hands, which all opened up to reveal a hollow cavity. "Molten Gold Asura: Gale Cannons!"

The arena erupted with wind. Though supplemented with Kurama's chakra (which was mostly for show), Naruto had fired his lowest powered wind blast... out of all six cannons at once. The combined blast was enough to throw Zaku into the barrier with enough force to break his body, even as the rest of the wind carved a trench in the arena floor.

Zaku collapsed, unconscious but alive.

Naruto let his golden chakra separate back out into his own and his father's, the latter of which he unconsciously munched on with his demonic power absorption; as it wasn't Kurama's soul, it was only a snack and wouldn't permanently boost his chakra, but it left him feeling like he hadn't just spawned an F5 tornado blast.

A moment later, the barrier fell and Hayate jumped in to check on the unmoving Zaku. He knelt down and took a pulse. "Medic!"

The medics came and went, taking Zaku with them. As for Hayate, he declared Naruto a winner by knockout. "Now, would Ino Yamanaka of Konohagakure and Temari of Sunagakure please come down for fight number four."

* * *

Naruto did not sit down in with his team. Instead, the still full-sized Naruto walked towards the Suna team's male members, who were watching their sister fight Ino. Kankurō was the first to notice him, and flinched visibly. "Don't worry," Naruto replied, sniggering as he heard his father's commentary on the boy's emotions. "I'm not going to _eat_ you." He relished the puppeteer's terrified expression.

Naruto turned to Gaara. "Fox-tousan wishes to talk to Tanuki-basan. May I?"

Gaara nodded.

Naruto sat himself down on the ground in front of the Suna jinchūriki and extended his hand towards Gaara. The redhead, to the watching Kankurō's surprise, extended his own hand and met Naruto's half-way. Sand and crimson chakra swirled around their touching hands for just a moment before it fell still.

The two did not talk, nor did they move, but Kankurō saw a myriad of expressions flash across the blond's face, while Gaara's lips twitched in almost perfect time. They were listening, but to what, Kankurō could not hear. He knew, however, that the demons were talking, planning.

This went on for some time. Before Kankurō realized it, Temari had returned and was standing next to him. "What's going on with Gaara?"

"Shhh!" Kankurō hissed, not wanting them to notice him. Then he jumped, realizing he'd been so engrossed in watching their silent conversation that he hadn't even noticed his sister had returned. "Temari?" he whispered.

She sat down next to him on the side opposite from Gaara. To her brother, she signed in Suna Standard Sign Language, _"What's happening?"_

" _Communication,"_ he signed back.

" _Context?"_

" _Unknown."_

" _Duration?"_

" _During your fight."_ He paused. _"Victory?"_

" _Not watching?"_ she signed back. From the guilty look on his face, she inferred the answer. _"Good. Defeated. Mind control jutsu. Trap."_

" _Not good. Sad."_

"Really?" Gaara suddenly asked aloud, responding to something only he and Naruto could hear. "That works?"

"In theory," Naruto replied, also aloud. "In practice, it's a bit harder, but effective if done well. I've seen it work first-hand."

"I shall have to try that, then."

The two jinchūriki didn't speak again, leaving Kankurō and Temari confused as to the context of the conversation. If it involved the tailed beasts... the puppeteer shuddered to think about what they were discussing.

Another fight had come and gone, and the next one was already approaching its conclusion by the time they finally came out of their silent conversation. "I... I shall take your advice under consideration, Naruto Namikaze. And, I thank you for your help regarding mother. I think our agreement will be most beneficial to us both."

Naruto smiled as he stood. "No problem! If it gives you better control of your sand and lets you sleep, what's not to love?"

"Yes, well, it remains to be seen if it will actually work."

Naruto shrugged. "I have faith." He motioned towards the Hokage box. "Anyway, I'm going to go talk to our fathers to see if I can get them to agree. Just make sure you win your next two fights, or we're going to look like fools."

"Do not worry; mother will not let me be defeated." Naruto nodded at Gaara's declaration and then shunshined away.

Kankurō moved towards his brother a little. "Um, should we be worried?"

Gaara gave his brother a bored stare, though a fraction of a second before he spoke his reply, the faintest ghost of a smile crossed his face. "That depends entirely on what the Hokage and the Kazekage say."

From below, Hayate Gekkō called out, "Would Tenten of Konohagakure and Gaara of Sunagakure please enter the arena?"

Gaara disappeared in a swirl of sand. Meanwhile, Kankurō and Temari shared a worried look.

* * *

Naruto appeared in the Kage's box with a poof of chakra smoke. Some of the foreign ninja tensed, but when they saw him approach the Hokage and the man smile back, they relaxed. "Hey, Minato-tousan," Naruto said. "I've got a favor to ask, but seeing as Gaara's about to fight, I'll tell you in a second."

"Oh, alright." Minato shrugged slightly. "I didn't know you were so interested in Gaara."

"Well, it's more Kurama-tousan that's interested," Naruto replied. The Kazekage shot a questioning look at the Hokage, while the Otokage just looked amused.

Down below, the fight was swift and brutal. Tenten tried her hardest, summoning countless weapons to aid her in her fight, but none of them stood a chance against Gaara's sand, which hunted her down with ruthless efficiency. Tenten tried to dodge, but it ensnared her leg and crushed. Only by the intervention of Hayate did the rest of Tenten's body get spared. But, because he did, Tenten lived, even if she lost because of it.

Match over, Naruto turned to his father, and then glanced at the Kazekage as well. "Gaara and I were talking," — immediately, the Kazekage was paying attention — "And we wondered if you could do us a favor when we get to fight."

 _When,_ the three kages noted, not _if._ Naruto had stated that he would fight Gaara as if it were a fact, as if he knew for certain that he would. After having seen his and Gaara's power, they were inclined to believe it.

"That depends on what it is."

"The arena is kind of... small... for the show Kurama and Shukaku want to put on. Could you move us out of the village, please?"

"That also depends, is it Kurama or Naruto asking?"

"Naruto," he replied. "Hmm... By the way, how do I put this? A cranky Ōtsutsuki is like Tsunade-baachan PMSing while hungover and mad at ero-sennin."

Minato smiled. "Of course, Naruto. That sounds fine. We wouldn't want to irritate our guests into doing something rash. Just tell them to be mindful, alright?"

"Thanks, Minato-tousan. I will." Then Naruto shunshined away.

The Kazekage looked at his Konohagakure counterpart. "You mean to tell me that you actually expect their fight to get so out of hand that the arena wouldn't be enough to contain them?"

"Oh, no, not _their_ fight. Their parent's fight. After all, doesn't your son refer to the ichibi as _mother_ , as Naruto calls the kyūbi _father_?"

If the Kazekage had been drinking something at that moment, he would have done a spit-take. "You must be out of your mind! You're talking about letting those two beasts rampage freely! We'll all be killed!"

"No, we won't. For one, I'll make sure that they are plenty far away. And second, Naruto's friends are here, and if there was any risk of hurting them, and thus of hurting Naruto himself, Kurama would do anything to prevent it. That I know."

"You're insane, Minato Namikaze."

* * *

Thanks to Sakura's sneak attack, Kankurō's puppet was damaged enough that Sasuke was able to make short work of it. And when it turned out that Kankurō had no other puppets on hand to fight with, Sasuke wound up the victor of their fight.

Now it was time for Ino to face Naruto. The two blonds met in the arena. Standing opposite from her, Naruto could see the resolve in her eyes. "Ino!"

"What?"

"You know what's going to happen and what I can take. Go all out, don't hold back. Use your clan jutsu if you feel like it," he declared.

"But what about your...?"

He knew what she was referring to. "There are at least eight other people like me on this planet, and you won't always know who they are. Learn to face it with someone who won't kill you, and don't hold back!"

"Fine!" Her hands came together to form a strange seal. "Mind Body Disturbance!"

The jutsu, one Naruto had never seen before, took hold instantly. His body relaxed, but it was not of his own volition. "Oh, wow, this feels weird."

"Ugh, tell me about it," Ino replied. "I can feel the neural connections in your body. You're like three people shoved into one!"

Naruto's hands slid up towards his neck without his control and squeezed hard. Ino remarked, "I wonder how long it would take to strangle you to death."

The demon wasn't worried, though. It wasn't like he needed it to survive at this point. He was strong enough to exist as solid chakra, so even if she did kill him, he wouldn't really _stay_ dead.

But, he had a fight at the moment, so his musings on mortality had to wait. Plus, his hands constricting his neck really hurt, and he was getting lightheaded. So, utterly unable to control any of his body other than his mouth, he decided it was time to debut his latest jutsu. Functionally, it was nothing more than the reverse of what he'd done to create Akuma; instead of making himself material, he was shedding his physical form. In other words, he was making himself into _Akuma's_ shadow clone. There was just one _minor little detail_ that had stopped him from showing it off before. Without a sound, for his throat was being crushed, he mouthed, "Akuma's Exit."

Naruto's body spasmed, and Ino fought to keep control over it. Then, quite suddenly, the resistance she felt dropped to nothing; she found she could control his body as well as her own. "Naruto?"

The body's eyes stared blankly, as if there was no mind behind them. Suddenly, its chest and abdomen bulged. The sickening sound of ripping flesh and breaking bone filled the air. Blood blossomed on Naruto's shirt.

A crimson and black flecked claw erupted from the body's chest, then another, and then another. Very quickly, Naruto shed his body, leaving him standing in a form that had only the vaguest of shapes. It looked like the version two jinchūriki cloak, but it was Naruto's chakra that made up the body and Naruto's tail that swung behind him. **"Well now, Ino. I didn't expect your hold to be** _ **that**_ **strong on me,"** he said, his voice reverberating with the same strange effect that Kurama's and Shukaku's voices had. **"But now that I'm free of that little death trap, want to take it up a notch?"**

With speed that his old body couldn't have obtained without major chakra enhancement, Naruto zipped forwards. **"Make it a good show,"** he whispered into her ear. Then he punched her.

Ino took the blow and stood back up. She assessed the situation, and came to an interesting conclusion. The mind body disturbance jutsu was best against multiple enemies, used for making them fight among themselves. Naruto's body, she realized, was not only still in her control, but responding eagerly to her. Better yet, since her jutsu used the enemy's nervous system against them, she could feel out their techniques and then make them use them against their allies.

Naruto's hands, upon her command and through the Asura path, turned into blades. "Hell yeah," Ino shouted. Sure, she had no idea what Naruto had actually done, and his face currently _terrified_ her, but she had a puppet with swords for arms and muscles galore. She could work with that.

Ino backed up and Naruto's body slammed into the chakra demon. As it hit, the blades sank into the chakra construct, and to Naruto's intrigue and discomfort, he felt a little of his chakra get absorbed back into its body. The Yamanaka realized that too, and began furiously hacking away at him with his own body.

That put Naruto in something of a dilemma. He needed to attack Ino for the jutsu to end and any damage he did to his own body would be something he had to fix later, but he couldn't attack Ino too hard either, and meanwhile she could go all out.

So they fought. It took a while, as Ino was really good at keeping her distance and every strike she landed strengthened her puppet while weakening Naruto. With one final strike, his body's arm swords pierced his 'heart' and fully sucked him back into his body. He stumbled and collapsed.

"I... I did it. I can't believe I did it!"

"Actually, all you managed to do is put me back in my own body," Naruto replied. His control was starting to return, since Ino was at her limits and he was now actively fighting her. "Can you outlast me? Can you choke me to death before you run out of chakra?"

She finally allowed her hands to drop and the jutsu to end. "No. I'm out. Proctor-san, as much as I'd like to kick this demon freak's ass some more, I can't. I'm out of chakra, and he's still fairly fresh. I'm done."

"Winner by forfeit, Naruto Namikaze."

"Good job, Ino. I honestly hadn't expected to be assaulted by my own body, nor for it to be that effective; I thought it would just drop without me in it."

"I didn't expect that either. What the hell was that, though? One minute, you were fighting my control, and the next, you were bursting out and I could move your body as easily as my own."

"Akuma's exit. I basically shoved all my chakra out of my body at once, and my soul came along with it to form that. It's ugly as fuck unless I use a henge on it," Naruto replied.

"Do that next time," Ino ordered. "Now... now, I'm going to go sit down and try to get over the fact that apparently there are other people like you. And then I'm going to eat a lot of pudding and have my dad erase the memory of you _coming out of your own body!"_

Naruto chuckled.

* * *

Among the stands, there were a few major reactions:

Shock, confusion, and fear. Those people were the ones that realized that the rumors of Naruto being a demon were real, that there was an unsealed demon walking among them.

Disgust. Some people, like Sakura, found that it was Naruto's jutsu that bothered them the most. Really, how often does one see a freakish chakra construct claw its way out of a person's chest?

And intrigue. This third group was made up mostly shinobi, as they were the ones who could look past their fear and disgust and see the technique for what it was: a way to escape one's own body if it was compromised. How it was defeated was an obvious weakness, but one that they realized Naruto would not let be exploited again. It also lead to questions of just how powerful the Hokage's son actually was. Of this group, none were asking more questions and formulating more theories than the Otokage.

There were also some more rare reactions, such as that of Haku. "You taught him that, didn't you?" His master looked down at him and gave him a knowing smile. "Of course. That just feels like a demon's technique that you would know."

"He call's it _Demonic Art: Akuma's Exit,_ you know."

"Named after you?" Akuma nodded. "I figured."


	11. Chapter 11: Shukaku's SandLast Battle

Gaara normally had no competitive spirit. However, his mother was egging him on to, quote, _show that stupid fox kit our power._ Her bloodlust was getting to him, and he was looking forwards to his fight. He did a sand shunshin and appeared in the middle of the arena when it was his turn to fight again.

Dosu, the genin from Oto, jumped into the arena after him. Last came Shikamaru, who looked utterly bored. The Nara, instead of heading towards the center of the arena for the three-way fight, made a beeline for the proctor.

"Proctor-san, Dosu uses sound and Gaara uses sand. As I am, I have no way of countering their abilities, and it would be too troublesome to fight them. Can I just quit now?"

Hayate frowned at the boy. "Yes. Just go."

"Thanks." The Nara strolled out of the arena as lazily as he had strolled in.

"By forfeit, *cough* Nara Shikamaru has lost," Hayate announced. The crowd booed, irritated that their expected three-way became a standard two-way. "Now, if nobody _else_ wants to forfeit, match ten, start!"

Gaara had been listening. He'd missed Dosu's match against the boy in the green spandex, so any information was good. Upon hearing that Dosu used sound, whatever that meant, Gaara's sand erupted out of his gourd and formed into Shukaku's head around his own. Normally, he kept the material hard and packed whenever it was around his head, such as in his sand armor, which allowed sound to easily flow through. This, however, was thick and loose.

The sand mask grinned wickedly, far more than Gaara was underneath. But the emotion was the same, inside and out. Gaara lusted for blood, and he lusted for it on his own, independent of his mother. "Come!"

"Gladly," Dosu replied. He shot forwards, and was greeted by a wave of sand. He whacked his melody arm and used the vibrations to plow through the sand as if it wasn't controlled by an insane jinchūriki. "Take this!"

"Gladly," Gaara echoed. The sand that had been displaced came back together around Dosu's arm, pinning it in place inches from Gaara's masked face. But it didn't stop when it came into contact with his arm, no, it continued straight on through, hacking the limb off in a bloody mess.

His sand caught the limb as it fell. "Take it, you said. Take it, I did. But I want the rest of you." The sand hadn't stopped with Dosu's arm and more sand was joining it from the gourd. Within a second, it had totally enveloped Dosu. "Sand Waterfall Funeral!"

The mad tanuki mask grinned at the fountain of blood that erupted from the mass of sand and crushed flesh. As the mask dissolved and returned to the gourd, Gaara said, "I win."

"Winner by death, Gaara." There was no cheering at this announcement. Woe to those of weak constitution, for Gaara had no mercy on their stomachs.

Gaara looked up at the stands where the other chūnin candidates were waiting and met Naruto's eyes. Naruto returned the look. Inside each of them, their respective bijū howled for blood.

* * *

It was the semi-final fight. Gaara had a bye, so the only two people fighting this round were Sasuke and Naruto. As they approached each other, Sasuke remarked, "You know, I'm half tempted to pull a Shika on you and just quit."

"Were the circumstances different, I'd offer to fight under our sparring rules, but I can't, not now," Naruto replied. "I can't let you win, but I also don't want to hurt you too much. At least put on a show for them."

"And a show it will be, scripted and everything. Unless you pull some other jutsu out of your ass, I'm fairly sure we both know how this will go down," Sasuke remarked.

"Oh? Enlighten the rest of us," Naruto said, motioning to the crowd.

"Proctor-san will start us, and I'll close the distance. Despite your build, you're a ranged fighter, not a melee fighter. You do have that assassination jutsu of yours, but you can't use that on me, meaning that the safest place in this arena is right in front of you."

"I do have Mountain Flower's River," Naruto replied.

"Which is humiliating, not debilitating," Sasuke countered. "It's like getting hit with a short duration genjutsu, except you need contact to initiate it." Naruto didn't actually need contact, as he could hit everyone within a small country at once, but since he wasn't ready to show that ability off just yet, he didn't correct Sasuke. "And I've trained my agility with Itachi, so avoiding you should be easy. The problem is doing damage to you and making it stick. And even if I did, you could just fly away. Once you're airborne, it's game over for me. The only way to beat you is to pin you down and seal you like a bijū or keep pounding until we find a limit to your ability to heal."

Naruto nodded. "Basically, yeah."

Sasuke sighed. "Alright, I'm ready, Proctor-san. Let's get this farce started."

Hayate looked at Naruto, who also nodded. "Begin."

Sasuke's predicted battle came to pass. He was already somewhat low on chakra from his previous two fights, but he had enough to toss around some big fire techniques. Naruto, much to Sasuke's irritation, took the hits and kept going. That said, Sasuke was pleased to be able to burn most of Naruto's clothing off, forcing him to fight in nothing but his underwear.

An unspoken signal passed between the two teammates, who were fighting more for the show than to actually defeat one another. Their fight shifted to a more taijutsu oriented battle, where Sasuke's sharingan and agility gave him an edge. When Sasuke's shirt was also conveniently destroyed, the crowd really started going wild, especially the women, because really, what was not to love? Two men — one lean and beautiful, the other big, strong, and dangerous — fighting one another in a contest of bodies and strength.

At one point, Sasuke managed to knock Naruto down and pin him down by getting atop him. Naruto merely slid two of his arms under his head, as if he were relaxing. "Well, now that we're all hot, sweaty, and mostly undressed, shall we finish with what all those girls are begging to see?"

Sasuke stabbed Naruto with a kunai. "Pervert."

Naruto's tail lashed out, causing the two of them to roll and allowing the demon to pin Sasuke with his much larger weight. Blood dripped from Naruto's wound onto Sasuke. "You're the kinky one, sadist." His arm transformed into a cannon. "Unfortunately, I can't play around much longer. Kurama's getting antsy, so I'm going to need you to surrender."

"Fine. I'm too low on chakra anyway. Proctor-san, I'm done."

"Winner by forfeit, Naruto Namikaze."

Naruto rolled off of Sasuke, stood up, and pulled the Kunai out of his chest. He wiped away the blood with one of the last scraps of cloth that clung to his body, revealing an area of unblemished skin. "Naruto, that is one overpowered ability."

"You're jealous, aren't you?"

"Obviously," Sasuke drawled. "It would be great if you could share it."

"Unfortunately, I can't because... Actually... Minato-tousan might know something that might help. I'll talk to him later," Naruto replied vaguely. Sasuke raised an eyebrow curiously.

* * *

Minato had come down and announced a change to the last fight, specifically that it would not be taking place then or there, but that it would be taking place in two hours and the venue would be up on top of the cliff that the Hokages' faces were carved into.

The people were upset about the change, but the Hokage promised that it would be worth it. Hidden in his words was the message to Naruto and Gaara that it had _better be worth it_. They promised that it would be.

Now, the two hours were up and the competing jinchūriki were in position. All that was left was the Hokage's signal, which came in the form of a flare shot into the air. The moment they spotted it, they jumped away and released their bijū.

Now, all jinchūriki eventually would discover — sometimes on their own, sometimes with help — that cooperating with their bijū would make transforming and using their chakra easier. For Gaara, using any of Shukaku's chakra normally caused him a little stress unless he was trying to kill someone. However, he wanted Shukaku to fight, Shukaku wanted to fight, and Naruto and Kurama had gotten them to have something resembling a truce. Thus, when he activated the playing possum jutsu, Shukaku seizing control was as easy on Gaara as stepping aside on soft sand.

Likewise, Naruto found himself gently pushed aside by his father. Unlike Gaara, who had literally nowhere to go but dreamland, Naruto found himself fully in his Akuma body, nearly blind to what was happening in his original one. But for that, he was glad. Seeing the two behemoths emerge was a sight to behold. Inside the seal, scale was relative. Naruto and Kurama could appear as big or small as they wanted, so Naruto didn't actually know just how big Kurama actually was.

When Kurama manifested, Naruto was shocked, to say the least. The trees beneath him, which Naruto knew to be easily a hundred feet tall, barely made it a quarter of the way up to his belly, and Kurama was _crouching_. Even Shukaku, who looked comparable in size to Gamabunta, was small compared to Kurama.

Naruto, inside his Akuma body, bounced happily. Haku, standing next to him, could only stare agape at the two bijū. He knew that his master was related to the two behemoths, but there was a difference between knowing intellectually and understanding emotionally. " _Those_ are the bijū?!"

Akuma looked down at Haku and grinned. "They weren't joking when they said that they were big." Then, looking back at them, Akuma remarked, "And to think that one day I might grow that big."

Haku startled, fully yanking his eyes off the two circling bijū to look at Akuma. _"Really?_ That's..." Words failed the Yuki boy.

"Well, I'd have to eat a shit ton of chakra to ever get that big, and even then, I could always shrink back down like they can," Akuma explained. "But it's possible."

Haku tried imagining Akuma at that size, and then a naked Akuma, and wound up developing the seeds of a macrophilia fetish for his troubles. Blushing, Haku returned his attention to the bijū.

The chakra beasts were circling each other, sizing each other up after having spent so long imprisoned. **"Shukaku, it's been a long time since we've done this."**

" **Hah! I'm going to crush you, Kurama. I'm going to trap you in my sand and grind you and squish you and crush you and mash you and** _ **eat you up!"**_

" **You say that every time,"** Kurama replied. **"It's time you talk with your actions,** _ **sister."**_

" **GAAAAA! I'M STILL A MAN!"** The tanuki inhaled and then pounded his bloated gut. Air exploded out of his mouth with more force than any human wind jutsu user could produce, and as the wind bullet emerged, the tanuki shaped it into words. **"FUCK YOU!"**

Though knocked back by the literal force of his sibling's cussing, Kurama grinned. He lunged at Shukaku, slamming into the smaller bijū. Sand exploded off of Shukaku, but like with the bijū's jinchūriki, the sand immediately began returning.

Shukaku's fist slammed into the underside of the kitsune, and then again and again. Kurama, with his hand trapped inside Shukaku's body, could do nothing but take the blows.

Well, not exactly _nothing_. He opened his mouth and said, **"Hey, Shikaku-** _ **chan,**_ **here's a ball for you."** As he spoke the last word, his mouth stretched wider and a mixture of chakra poured out, forming a bijūdama. He fired it right into Shukaku's face.

Of all the ninja in Konoha, the only ones who had seen a bijūdama had also seen Minato teleport it away, when the hypnotized Kurama tried to hit the village with it, and the only thing they'd seen of the effect was the light and the blasted trees after the fact. Even Minato had not been looking at it when it went off. But here, it was clear as day.

Actually, calling it "clear as day" was an understatement; the tremendous light made even the day look dark. It forced all who were gathered to look away, especially those Uchiha and Hyūga who were foolish enough to look at the blast with their dōjutsu active.

When the light and smoke cleared, Kurama was still standing with his mouth pointed at Shukaku, whose outer layer of sand was glowing orange. Shukaku seemed to have shrug the blast off just as easily as Kurama, though, and charged up his own, smaller bijūdama to fire back.

Within the second blast, Shukaku lunged and knocked Kurama over, and then began extending his sand across Kurama's body.

Kurama was having none of that, however, and used his massive tails to flip them over, much like how Naruto had done with Sasuke earlier that day. That was where the similarities ended, as Kurama suddenly moved again, flipping himself around his vertical axis so that his rear was near Shukaku's face.

Then he sat. Much to Shukaku's dismay, the tanuki now had a face full of kitsune ass and balls. **"Take that, you stupid tanuki!"** Kurama yelled. **"Have a taste of your own fucking medicine!"**

Said tanuki screamed in rage, though it was muffled by the fox's massive posterior. Kurama grinned. **"Keep screaming, Shukaku, I might just get off from it."**

 _That_ shut the tanuki up. But it also gave the tanuki the inspiration to reinvent one of Konoha's secret jutsu on the most epic of scales. It was the One Thousand Years of Death: Bijūdama Enema Edition, and it was enough to launch Kurama several times his body length into the air.

The earth quaked when Kurama hit the ground, ass still smoking. He hoisted himself up and turned to face his sibling. **"So, you've grown some balls after all, Shukaku-chan..."** Kurama muttered, not making eye contact with the tanuki.

" **I'm a man, damnit Kurama-baka!"** Shukaku yelled. **"I HAVE BALLS!"** As if to prove his point, the sand shifted around Shukaku's rear, forming a massive, tanuki-sized pair of testicles. And, just to punctuate it further, the sand spirit spun and slapped Kurama with them.

Every man in Konoha wept at the sight, feeling suddenly ashamed of their manhoods, for none were as large and strong as Shukaku's, and they all knew that.

" **Good,"** Kurama growled. **"I'm glad that I got the real you back, and not that sniveling coward that I saw earlier. Now** _ **FUCKING DIE LIKE A MAN!"**_ Kurama lunged once more. He opened his mouth wide, wider than it should have ever been able to open, and bit Shukaku's head clean off.

He swallowed.

Now, had that been the real Shukaku, that bite would have only incapacitated him, blinding him until he could reform his head from the sand. However, that was Shukaku manifested through Gaara, who was buried inside of Shukaku's head. The sudden exposure to the acidic stomach chakra made in Kurama's stomach was enough to wake Gaara, and with the boy awake, Shukaku's hold on the real world dispersed. Gaara would die unless Kurama spat him back up almost immediately, and the fox had no intentions to, as when Gaara died, Shukaku would as well and would be forced to spend years reforming.

That was the plan, and it would have worked, had _Kurama's_ body been real. But, in the heat of the moment, he had forgotten that he was not free, and was in fact possessing his son. Thus, it was not Kurama's mouth that ate Gaara and Shukaku, it was _Naruto's_ _transformed mouth_.

Back at the cliff edge of the Hokage monument, Akuma-Naruto suddenly felt as if he'd swallowed a literal brick, and judging from Kurama's expression, the fox was feeling the same thing. Both realized far too late that something was terribly wrong. Kurama tried to cough up Gaara and Shukaku, but the greedy nature of Naruto's powers wouldn't give them up.

As for Akuma, the pain was getting worse, worse than anything he'd ever felt before. It felt like he was going to explode. His vision started going dark, and Naruto lost consciousness. The henge on Akuma poofed just as his legs gave out, sending the oni tumbling off the cliff. The last thing he heard before he fully went under was his name, desperately shouted.

* * *

Naruto awoke to the sound of crying. The deep voice boomed as it sobbed. His eyes popped open, and he saw the ceiling of Kurama's seal. It was closer than he remembered.

Both of Naruto's mental forms, Akuma and himself, rolled over, and found themselves lying against Kurama's side. However, the bijū was much closer to his size than Naruto could ever recall seeing him. **"Kurama-tousan?"** His clawed hands shot to his mouths.

Had that really been his voices?

" **What the hell happened? What's going on with my voice."**

" **Kit?"**

" **Tousan! What happened? All I remember... You ate Gaara! Oh, Kami! You ate Gaara right out of Shukaku's head!"**

Kurama shook his head. **"Worse. I was possessing you. It was** _ **you**_ **that ate him."**

Naruto's twin bodily manifestations scrambled up, which was harder than usual due to his suddenly poor balance. However, he wasn't paying attention to that. **"Don't you dare blame me for that! You were the one who ate them! I saw you do it!"**

Again, Kurama shook his head. **"I'm not blaming you. I'm saying that I was** _ **possessing you.**_ **It was** _ **your**_ **body that actually did the eating. And you know what happens when** _ **you**_ **eat someone."**

The realization was like a punch to the gut. Naruto fell to the seal's wet floor. **"We killed Shukaku. He... he's not coming back, is he?"**

" **Naruto."** The fox rarely ever used his name, so it immediately caught Naruto's attention. **"You've been unconscious with both of your bodies. Haku brought Akuma to the hospital. Wake him up; get that body out of here, before they have too much time to notice something's wrong. Right now, your chakra is mostly collected in your main body, and the vast majority of your chakra is being used to dissolve Shukaku's chakra. To the world, it looks like chakra exhaustion. But the moment Shukaku's remains finish, all that chakra is going to flood back into both of your bodies. They'll figure it out if that happens."**

" **Tousan..."**

" **Go! Kit, we can mourn Shukaku later. Just wake up and go!"**

Akuma's eyes snapped open. The hospital ceiling was above him. His head tilted to the side. "Haku," he said weakly.

"Akuma-sama! You're awake!"

"Get us out of here, now. We need to go far away. Not towards Nami. Not yet."

Haku didn't understand what was wrong. However, he didn't need to know those details to act. His hands went through the signs with practiced ease. Water burst out of the nearby tap and formed into a solitary ice mirror. As it formed, Haku helped Akuma stand, and then pulled him through the mirror. Somewhere far away, though Haku was only relatively sure where, another mirror formed with their reflection already in it. They stepped out, and the mirrors melted into puddles.

"Thank you, Haku," he said, fighting off a groan as his stomach pained him. He absently realized that the pain was not from his physical stomach, but from that part of his chakra and soul that abstractly corresponded to his stomach. He did wince, though.

"What's wrong, Akuma-sama?"

Akuma groaned, unable to hold it back this time. "I feel like shit. Haku, please just drop the 'sama' bullshit right now. I can't deal with it now." He groaned again. "Let's just... walk. Where are we?"

"Southwest of Konohagakure. Near the Fire-River border. My aim isn't that good over these distances, so I can't tell you exactly where we are, and I don't have enough chakra to try that again," Haku replied. "It's a good thing you're feeling like walking."

And walk they did. They had no choice. The miles passed in slow silence, though as his stomach continued to settle, the oni was more and more willing to go at a faster and faster pace. As they walked and then ran, Naruto cast his mind into the seal.

He looked down at his bodies, the manifestations of his chakra. They were huge. Both of them had gained muscle and height, yes, but they'd gained a huge amount of fat. Both the Akuma body and the Naruto body had huge beer guts and a layer of fat over every limb. Naruto knew that Akuma's body in the real world still looked like it was only ever-so-slightly overweight, not with a massively distended gut like this.

There were other changes, too. For one, his balls had expanded to more tanuki-like proportions — that is to say, they were disproportionately massive. For another, on both of his bodies, that body's tail had lengthened until it was longer than body it was attached to was tall and had thickened considerably. The club on Akuma's tail was disproportionately bigger as well, and on Naruto's tail, the spines were longer and more numerous. And finally, both of their eyes had changed; in Akuma's, the slit pupil had changed to a diamond, while in Naruto's, the small dot of a pupil had expanded into the same diamond shape. It was the shape Shukaku's eyes had been.

" **What happened to me?"** Naruto asked. It wasn't Kurama that answered, but his own gut. It churned, and a rush of chakra surged through his bodies. The gut shrank, but the rest of him grew taller and thicker as the apparent mass was redistributed. The features of his inner chakra manifestation that had been exaggerated the most already grew even more. The young demon recognized what was happening; he was becoming more like Shukaku in form.

Kurama raised himself up from where he was lying, and turned towards his son. Tears dripped down his cheeks, joining the water that eternally coated the bottom of the seal. **"I didn't mean to kill him permanently..."**

The boy's two bodies went up to him and embraced the fox. For the first time, their limbs could embrace all the way around one of his own limbs. They paid that no mind, though. There were more important things to worry about, namely, his father's happiness.

" **Kurama-tousan..."**

" **DAMNIT!"** the fox shouted, pounding the ground, sending water flying. **"DAMNIT!"** he repeated. **"I should have known! You've been slowly eating my chakra for years! I should have known what would happen if I did that! Shukaku-kun, please forgive me!"**

* * *

Haku and Akuma sat down in a bar, several bottles of Sake having been downed by the latter while the former had only had water. The only mildly drunk Akuma looked at his companion, who looked back at him with questioning eyes but silent lips. "Haku," he eventually said.

"Yes?"

"I know you want to ask me, so ask. I don't feel like playing games."

"What happened back there?" Haku asked.

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific."

"At the final battle. The Kyūbi and the Ichibi appeared. Kurama bit off Shukaku's head, then started trying to cough it back up. You started choking all of a sudden, and then you fell off the cliff. The fox vanished a second later. I know something happened between you all."

Akuma drank again. He set the now empty bottle down. "Haku... You know what I am, but the truth is, that's only half of me. I'm _artificial_ — a manufactured persona. In a way, my other half is also a fake persona. Naruto and I are two halves of the same being. We see through each other's eyes, feel what each other feels, and in truth, have only one mind between the two of us. I, and I mean my collective self, act like Akuma in this body, and like Naruto in that body. They're just more faces." He looked at Haku's shocked expression, and chuckled. "That doesn't mean that nothing about me is real. I'm flesh and blood and chakra, just as Naruto is, and the emotions I show you are very real."

Haku swallowed. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but who is the original?"

"Hmm... I would say... that it's complicated. Naruto was born first and Akuma second. Akuma didn't even get his name until recently; before that, he was just 'Oni-sama' to those who knew him. But at the same time, I feel like Akuma might be closer to my real personality than Naruto. I'm always on guard with him, but with Akuma... well, it takes a certain amount of confidence to strut around naked in front of people you haven't known for all that long." He paused to order another drink. "Anyway, you asked what happened at the battle. Here's what happened: I ate Gaara. His real body was in the sand, in the head. It was Kurama attacking Shukaku, but it was my transformed body eating his transformed body. You know what happens to the people I eat, right?"

"They become a part of you, right?"

Akuma nodded. "That a lot of tanuki to choke down. As much as it looked like he was free, Shukaku was still inside the seal on Gaara's body. It's been, what... Actually, how long has it been?"

"Three days."

"Three days?! Sheesh... Anyways, I normally have someone digested in seconds; Shukaku's still digesting. Currently, all of my chakra is going to digesting him, so much so that I'm having trouble waking up my Naruto body, where most of that is happening. But as that slows down, you and everyone around my bodies is going to feel my chakra spike to the level of an actual bijū. With Naruto, that's explainable — they _did_ just see him _eat_ a bijū. But Akuma? They know me as a non-shinobi who can use a little chakra, a minor demon, who fainted and fell off a cliff. Try explaining _that_."

His drink arrived. He downed a large portion of the sake as if it were cheap beer rather than pricy rice wine. "You're taking this better than I thought you would."

"It was kind of obvious. You walk and talk like a ninja, and when you fight, you hold back like a ninja trying not to be a ninja. Plus, I'm a Kiri ninja; we have a saying that goes: _everyone is a ninja, especially when they prove themselves not to be._ Paranoid, yes. Does it save your skin? Definitely." He took a sip of his water, then looked at his master. "That said, since you are a ninja, you are going to fight me harder in our next training session."

"You sure about that, Haku-kun? I can use everything you saw Naruto use, and I'm not afraid to use my emotional jutsu on you. Plus, I technically am undercover."

Haku considered Akuma's words. "Let me rephrase; since you're a ninja with that specific set of jutsu, I expect all six arms to be out when you're screwing me."

"That's more like it, my good little tool," Akuma replied seductively.

* * *

Eight genin waited silently in the Hokage's office. The absence of the ninth individual that was supposed to be there was depressingly obvious. But since their friend was still in his mysterious coma, there was little they could do.

The Hokage flashed in. He too noticed the lack of his son, and it showed on his face. But, he was nothing if not professional. "Welcome, chūnin candidates. I think you all know why you're here. Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Shikamaru Nara, Ino Yamanaka, pleas step forwards."

They did.

The Hokage turned first to Sakura. "Sakura, although you didn't fight at all, and instead fell into a trap, you showed that you were only thinking of your comrades. As Kakashi and I always say, _those who abandon their mission are trash, but those who abandon their team are worse than trash._ For putting your teammates first, you showed the sort of courage and attitude that Konoha loves. For that, I congratulate you, chūnin Haruno." He handed her her flak jacket.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama," she replied. On the inside, however, she was dancing and cheering.

"Sasuke, you showed an excellent awareness of your environment and maintained control of your battles. You conserved your strength and used your enemy's emotions against them. During your final fight, you were facing an enemy you yourself admitted was unbeatable at your skill level. Instead of forfeiting, you showed off as many of your skills as you could, advertising yourself and Konoha in the processes. For that, I thank you, chūnin Uchiha." The next flak jacket traded hands.

"Thank you," he replied.

"Shikamaru, you only fought one battle, but in it, you held total control of the battle field from start to finish. In your next round, you forfeited to let to foreign ninja fight among themselves. In the real world, you could have then moved in and taken out the weakened victor. Knowing when to retreat is just as important as knowing when to fight. For that, I am proud of you, chūnin Nara."

Shikamaru took the jacket. "Thank you, Hokage-sama."

"And finally, Ino. Suna produces more trap masters than any other hidden village, and yet you trapped one of their own ninja. Be proud of that. You were also able to skillfully defend yourself and exploit the weaknesses in a superior ninja's jutsu to hold him off for an extended period of time. In the ninja world, seconds can mean life or death, and you bought yourself minutes. I wish you the same sort of luck, chūnin Yamanaka."

"If you don't mind, Hokage-sama, I'd rather work on my skill so that I don't have to rely on luck."

He handed Ino her flak jacket. "A wise decision." Then, turning to the rest of them, the Hokage said, "Chōji Akimichi, Neji Hyūga, Rock Lee, and Tenten, I am not promoting you, and for all the same reason. Each and every one of you lost your very first match for the exact same reason: your enemy had a way to counter your jutsu, and you had no way to compensate for that. Chōji, you need far more speed and agility. Neji, you need ranged ninjutsu. Lee, you need a ranged weapon or two. And Tenten, you need a way to pierce extreme defenses. Realize that all of you could have made chūnin, you just happened to get the enemies that exposed your biggest flaws."

The four remaining genin accepted the advice. It hurt to be passed up for promotion, but the Hokage had basically told them what they needed for the next time. It was something they could work on, and that's what counted.

"Chūnin, remember to report tomorrow for orientation on your new duties. Team Gai, team Asuma, you are dismissed; team Kakashi, please stay for a minute." Once the others had left, Minato took off his hat and let his business face fade back into his more casual expression. "Sakura, Sasuke, I wanted to talk to you about Naruto."

"Has he been promoted too?" Sakura asked.

Minato shook his head. "Naruto has almost the reverse problem as the other genin who didn't pass. They had the attitude, but weaknesses that had to be fixed. Naruto had no real weaknesses, but treated the chūnin exams as a game. He came to me early on and said that the bijū wanted to fight. I knew from that moment that he was not ready. I sensed that he had been involved in egging on the bijū until they were antsy enough to demand that their hosts surrender their free will in order for them to fight. Had it not been for Naruto, Kurama would not have killed the Kazekage's son, Gaara."

"I see. So what happens now?" Sasuke asked.

"Well, when Naruto wakes up and is cleared for duty, I will authorize him for B and low A rank missions, such that he will be able to do missions with you; he is a capable ninja, but not quite leader material yet. You two will be his superiors for now," Minato explained.

"That all assumes Naruto even wakes up," Sasuke pessimistically replied.

"He will," Minato insisted. "Tsunade-sama was just brought in to check him. His chakra had effectively imploded from whatever Kurama did, reducing it to a tiny ball in his coils. He's steadily recovering, and if he keeps going at this rate, he'll be back before the week is up."

As if to contest that, a malicious, astronomically powerful wave of killer intent crashed down on the village, followed by a metaphorical blast of demonic chakra that made Minato's head spin. It made him feel like he was fighting Kurama again, but worse.

And then it was gone, though not quite as suddenly as it had come. The sensation faded smoothly and swiftly to nothing, rather than cutting itself off instantaneously. A moment later, a masked Anbu burst into the room. "Hokage-sama! That was Naruto! He's awake."

"Well, I did _just_ say 'before the week is up,' didn't I?" He vanished then in a flash of yellow.


	12. Chapter 12: The New Ichibi

He was the new Ichibi, according to Kurama. What that actually meant for him, the kyūbi had been extremely vague about. All Naruto understood was that he now had some sort of _bijū-ness_ that he hadn't had before and that he wouldn't have had otherwise. He didn't feel any different from before, aside from the fact that he had fallen back to almost no chakra control and his forms inside the seal still had their massive guts.

Mysteries of his chakra and anatomy aside, there had been other effects as well, one of which had led him to his current situation. Naruto was out meditating, trying to reign in his massive chakra so that it wasn't spilling everywhere. He could have done it anywhere, really, but he had chosen to go far from the village to do so. Why?

Kurama was being annoying. It was as simple as that, at least according to Naruto.

But that, of course, raises the question as to why Kurama was being annoying in the first place. And to that, Kurama would answer that it was the villagers. They didn't like that he could turn into a giant fox capable of creating huge explosions, or that he could transform into a six-armed oni with arm cannons and extendable blades, or that he could shed his skin and turn into a terrifying-looking chakra demon, or — if the villager happened to be female and happened to like listening to rumors — that he had 'molested' Sasuke-kun during their fight.

Save for the Sasuke thing, because nothing of the sort was true, everything else was just who Naruto was. He was a demon, and he could transform into his father. That didn't make him an evil monster, though, but the villagers seemed to treat him as such. Well, the civilian ones at any rate. The ninja didn't care, which was nice. Of course, since most jōnin had killed more people than Naruto had, even considering his appetite, and his human father had decimated an entire army, the ninja could hardly complain.

The civilians seemed to forget that they lived in a village of professional killers, and it irked Naruto greatly. The stares and hurried shooing away of children from him were getting annoying. Naruto felt as though he was unwelcome in his own town, and he was the Hokage's son!

Kurama took offense to their constant fear of Naruto, so much so that Naruto, after getting his human father's permission, ended up just flying out and landing in the clearing he'd made with Kurama, Shukaku, and Gaara. Once there, he'd laid himself down against a fallen tree, closed his eyes, and let himself slip into a meditative trance.

Some amount of time later, not that Naruto could actually tell how much time had passed, he sensed an intruder entering his personal space. The intruder wasn't in the field, however. Rather, the sensation came from his Akuma body, which was in its home. Akuma opened his eyes to see his friend sitting just in front of him. "Haku."

"Don't mind me," the boy said. "I was just going to meditate alongside you."

Akuma let out a slow breath. "Company would be nice. Actually, come here, I want to show you something." The demon pulled off his shirt and focused his chakra. A single, unadorned spiral appeared on his abdomen. "This is the seal that holds Kurama. It was placed by the Shinigami himself, so it would be more accurate to say that he is sealed within my soul, not my body, so every clone of mine has access to Kurama."

"Interesting, but why are you showing me this?" Haku asked.

"Place your hand on it. Imagine it as a hole. Push your chakra straight into it while trying not to touch the 'edges' of the hole." Haku did. "Now, close your eyes, imagine your mind flowing through that chakra, and then open your eyes again."

Haku did. Having not felt anything, he was quite surprised to find himself in the hallway of a flooded palace. The walls towered over him, and the ceiling was so far away it was almost impossible to see. Instinct urged him on, and soon enough, he'd found that he'd wandered into a massive chamber. There, before him, were three giants. One, he recognized as his master, though far bigger, stronger, and _fatter_ than the body he'd seen only moments ago. The other, Naruto Namikaze, who was also equally increased.

But it was the third that had Haku in awe. Mere days ago, he'd seen the one before him from over two miles away. Here, it was less than a hundred feet away. Haku realized with a start that he was well within the massive fox's reach, and that he could be crushed with the bijū's little finger.

" **Haku."** Both Akuma and Naruto spoke his name simultaneously, and the same massive voice emerged from both. Together as one, they gazed down at Haku. Their tails swung around, encircling the Yuki boy. He panicked and drew his senbon, his instincts yelling at him that this was a trap, but Akuma and Naruto raised their hands placatingly. **"Relax, Haku. You are safe."**

"Where... what is this place? Why do you two look like that?"

" **We are inside Kurama's seal. This is the representation of the interaction of our chakras,"** Akuma and Naruto explained. **"What you see is our mental representation of ourselves overlayed on top of a body that represents our power. Our apparent size and strength is determined by our chakra, but the little details are based upon who we are, and what we see ourselves as. Look at yourself."**

The Yuki glanced down at his hands. He hadn't noticed before, but they looked as if they were carved out of living ice. In fact, his entire body looked as if it was an ice statue. His clothes were that of his hunter-nin disguise, and he realized that his mask was on his face. It wasn't what he'd been wearing only a moment ago. Similarly, the two bodies of his master were completely devoid of clothes rather than wearing the outfit he'd been a moment before.

Akuma noticed Haku staring and shifted so that Haku could see everything about him, including his massive genitals. Akuma's tail lifted off the ground and began waving through the air, twisting about as if it were inviting Haku towards him. **"Like what you see?"**

" **Kit, do stop teasing your little toy and introduce me,"** the massive fox grumbled.

Akuma and Naruto both chuckled in perfect sync. **"Of course. Haku, this is Kurama-tousan. Kurama-tousan, this is Haku Yuki."**

" **He is quite cute, Kit. Hmm... I once had a lover that looked and acted like him."** The fox's body rippled and began to shrink down. As it shrank, the orange fur vanished and the bones twisted until an orange-haired, fox-eared, nine-tailed, seven-foot tall man stood where the fox had once been. Chakra draped itself over the man and formed into a kimono of the same orange that his fur had been. Smirking, Kurama walked towards Haku. His hands shot out and clutched the boy's face, ripped off his mask, and then pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.

A moment later, though much longer for Haku, Kurama pulled away. "Pardon me, but I just _had_ to know if you tasted the same as him. Mint, by the way — your ice tastes of mint."

" **Kurama, he's mine,"** Akuma growled.

"Oh, don't deny me this, Kit. Let me use your little _tool_." Kurama's hands groped Haku in just the right places to make him moan, much to his embarrassment and Kurama's delight. "It's been over a hundred years since I've had a good lay, and despite having access to your ass and being able to see and feel all your conquests, it's not the same."

" **Haku..."** Akuma paused, noticing the look on Haku's face. **"I suppose we could** _ **share**_ **if Haku feels up to it. If not, all he has to do is remove his chakra, and he'll return to the real world."** Although that was said to Kurama, it was clear that his words were meant for Haku himself.

"I'll stay."

"Excellent!" Kurama exclaimed. His clawed hand gently started removing the layers of Haku's clothing. "Kit, get down here and help your old man."

Naruto nodded and began to shrink both bodies down. However, Haku shouted, "Stop!"

" **What? Why?"**

"Akuma-sama, this is all basically an illusion, right? If so, there is something I would like to try."

" **And that would be?"**

"I want to try pleasuring a bigger you. That night after you first woke up, I remembered what you told me, that you'd get bigger if you had more chakra. That night, I dreamt that you... that you were so large that you could wear me as a condom, that when you came, I would bloat like a balloon, and that when you were done with me, you'd hang me up like a trophy dedicated to your virility." Haku was blushing furiously and was unable to make eye contact with anyone. "It was a foolish, impossible dream, but now... here... And even if that didn't work, I thought of other things. I couldn't stop dreaming of them."

" **Like what?"** Akuma purred.

"I dreamed of swimming in a lake of cum, of being swallowed whole, of being shoved into the slit of your cock and bathing in your cum, of being melted down into cum and squirted out of you as part of your gargantuan load. All of it impossible," Haku said.

"Kit," Kurama said, starting to grow back to his original size and form. "You have a rea **lly kinky lover with one hell of an imagination."**

While grabbing Haku with one hand and his shaft with another, Akuma said, **"I know. Now, let's see which of those ideas we can do."**

* * *

Haku was exhausted but quite pleased when they finally finished up. In the real world, it was only his own pants that had suffered from his own cum, but within the seal, he was drenched in the demons' fluids.

Kurama lay on his back, panting. His son's two bodies laid against him, and Haku rested on Akuma's gut. All were quite pleased, and all were quite sticky. Around them, the seal's watery floor was a milky white.

" **I think our watchers enjoyed the show,"** Kurama said.

"Watchers?"

" **Damn. I forgot about them,"** Naruto's bodies said.

"Someone was watching us?" Haku asked again.

" **ANBU, watching my Naruto body,"** the younger demon replied. **"I, a high-value asset and, thanks to Kurama, perpetual flight risk, am far outside of the village right now, in a forest. I** _ **had**_ **been training to control and suppress my chakra, and then you** _ **came."**_ He chuckled. **"While I had been keeping still with Akuma so that you could stay connected, Naruto was far more** _ **active**_ **. So, the people who were supposed to watch me so that I could be contained if I did lose control were forced to watch me jerk off round after round after round."**

Haku smirked. "But remember, suppressing your chakra at the right time can extend your endurance, and selectively moving it around your body can stimulate pleasure. Under that logic, you were still practicing chakra control.

Akuma chuckled, sending vibrations through Haku's icy chakra body. **"And** _ **that's**_ **why I love you, Haku. Heh... Imagine if sex jutsu and sex-style chakra control were taught to everyone."**

" **Suggest it to the ero-sennin,"** Kurama remarked. **"He puts the idea of sex jutsu in his books, and suddenly, you'll see a lot more, ahem,** _ **infiltration**_ **missions happening."**

In the real world, the Naruto body cracked it's eyes open and took note of the sun's low position. **"Great. It's later than I thought. I really need to get going. Haku, I'll see you on the outside."  
**

"Sure," the tired human replied, letting his chakra finally relax as he exited the seal.

Now alone, Naruto drew himself out. Now fully aware of the real world again, he pulled his original body's pants back up and dusted the dirt off of them. His eyes glanced to the side; though there was nobody the younger demon could see directly, Kurama could tell where they were, and through him, so could Naruto. "Self-pleasure as a chakra control exercise," he said for the benefit of his audience. "Kurama was right; that was effective." If his voice was laced with the slightest traces of emotionally manipulating chakra, well, that could be explained as just him needing to practice more, and not as something more devious. "Alright, time to head back."

* * *

The three ANBU were exceedingly glad for their masks at the moment. None of them were strangers to what they had witnessed, true, but none of them had ever experienced having to observe a potential hazard to the village, only for said hazard to start jerking off right in front of them. One, Tenzō, was there because of his wood release. The other two, a Hyūga with a bird mask and an Uchiha with a turtle mask, were there with their dōjutsu to observe his chakra and make sure that it wasn't leaking, that it wasn't hurting him, and that it wasn't going to explode violently. None of that had happened, and so they were forced to watch, in extreme detail, something particularly intimate.

Now, while the Hyūga and Tenzō would have imagination fodder for months, and the Uchiha was practically giddy to replicate some of the ways Naruto had pleased himself with his own chakra, they had a problem. How exactly were they supposed to tell their boss, the unquestioned strongest shinobi in the village, that they had just spent several hours watching his son during his intimate time?

Answer: _very carefully._

"Report. How is Naruto?"

"Physically unharmed, despite the unimaginable amount of chakra he possesses," Turtle said. "As Bird-san can attest, his chakra flows well and responds appropriately to his commands."

"And what exercises did he do?" The Hokage asked.

"Initially, he performed the meditative examination exercise, focusing on suppression. An hour into his exercise, he switched to an exercise that, while I myself was not familiar with, involved moving chakra to and from various tenketsu in a specific pattern."

"It is comparable to a Hyūga control exercise," Bird added. "It focuses on accuracy and precision, rather than power or endurance. His technique, however, was... sloppy." Tenzō and the Uchiha grit their teeth at that.

"How much chakra does Naruto actually have?" Minato asked.

The two dōjutsu users were silent for a moment. Then Turtle spoke. "Hokage-sama... I think it's entirely safe to say that your son is a match for the ichibi. And with the kyūbi supporting him, his reserves are far beyond my ability to measure."

Tenzō and Minato looked at Turtle, both surprised at the statement. "I see," Minato finally said. "Thank you. If there is anything else to report...?"

"No, sir," Tenzō and Turtle replied together.

"Actually, there is one thing," Bird countered. "When I first started observing him, there was a thin strand of extremely fast-moving chakra coming from his body. At the time he switched exercises, it thickened slightly and accelerated greatly. Still, it was faint enough at its thickest that I'm not sure I would have noticed it had I not been explicitly looking for chakra leaving his body. What it is, I don't know, I only know that as he moved, the cardinal direction that the chakra was flowing in stayed constant, even as he moved. It was going somewhere distant, and coming back as well."

Minato thought that sounded like some sort of communication jutsu, but he couldn't be sure. He decided that he would leave it for now, but would keep an eye out for anything else strange about his son. "Thank you for telling me. If that is all, you are dismissed."

The three ANBU vanished.


	13. Chapter 13: Akuma's Den

For Naruto, the months following the chūnin exams were boring. He'd had six more missions in that time, two D-ranks, three quick and easy C-ranks (that really were C-rank), and a low B-rank that, despite its label, wound up being incredibly long and mind-numbingly boring. In times of war, there was an expression: _hurry up and wait;_ in peace, as team seven found, that was doubly true.

Once it had fully gotten out that Naruto contained and could fully wield the power of a bijū, there had been something of a bidding war to hire him and his team. After all, if the one who could use, aim, and deploy a living natural disaster had been passed up for promotion, but his teammates _hadn't_ , why, there must have been something special about them as well — or so the thinking went. Of course, since there was a bidding war, the one who won was the person with the most money. And thus team seven found itself on a high-paying bodyguard mission as a supplement to a noble's standard guard; in other words, they were being paraded around as a show of force and wealth.

But those months hadn't been a total waste. With the help of Minato's notes, and the occasional help from Minato himself, Naruto had found and modified a seal that allowed for the collection, purification, and distribution of his otherwise toxic chakra. Then, by placing the seals on the small segments of chakra rod Akuma had imported from Ame, Naruto was able to create three small necklaces — four receivers and a broadcaster. He gave the receivers to Haku, Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke, and with a little practice, the four of them were able to draw from Naruto's immense reserves instead of their own, in effect becoming pseudo-jinchūriki.

On the other hand, Akuma and Haku had been very busy. Using the inflow of money from the reorganized remains of Gatō's companies and the very liberal use of his emotional projection abilities, Akuma was swiftly taking over a huge range of companies. The recovering economy of Nami ended up being fertile ground for Akuma to grow his holdings, allowing him to attract workers and acquire other businesses for dirt-cheap. And when he didn't get his way, all he had to do was ask Haku and the Yuki boy would go kidnap the competition, allowing Akuma to interrogate them for useful information before eating them and taking their companies.

He didn't focus solely on stealing other companies, though. Currently, Akuma was putting the finishing touches on a newly renovated — if small — casino-hotel he'd acquired the legitimate way. Sure, he also planned to use it as a front for money laundering, but for the most part, it was a legitimate business, one that was already attracting clientele.

* * *

The trio walked in and looked around. "This place is cleaner than I would have expected," the blond one remarked.

"That's a nice change," the black-haired one added. "Usually, these places are rather dirty."

The pink one didn't say anything. How could she? She was a pig, held in the black haired woman's arms.

"Shizune, why don't you see about getting us a room for the night?" Tsunade motioned over towards the slot machines. "I'm going to go play."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," Shizune replied. It took her a moment, but she spotted some of the staff. Approaching the man, she asked, "Who do I speak to about getting a room for the night?"

The man turned to her. "That would be the manager. We're a little short-staffed at the moment, but he or his assistant will be happy to get you set up. He's probably wandering around, making sure everything is good. We just opened for business the other day, so everything's still a little hectic."

"Oh, really? Congratulations. Um, what does the manager look like."

"Like an oni. Massive guy, ugly face, terrifying red eyes," the man replied casually. He put both hands to his forehead and stuck out one finger on each. "Really looks like a monster. He's nice, though."

"That... that's not a very kind description."

The man chuckled. "Are you kidding? His name's Akuma. I heard he had his name changed to that to match his appearance; he revels in the attention. Oh, look! He's coming this way. Boss!"

He was the most massive man Shizune had ever seen, standing several feet taller than her. With tusk-like teeth, horns, and crimson eyes, he really did look like an oni, save for the fact that instead of the tiger-skin loincloth mythical oni wore, he was dressed in a well-tailored suit. "What is it, Kisuke-san?"

"She needs to be set up with a room," Kisuke replied, motioning to Shizune.

Akuma — that is to say, Naruto — recognized her instantly. He'd met Shizune and Tsunade a few times before, as Minato and Jiraiya had kept in touch and often visited her. However, as Akuma, he couldn't act on that knowledge directly. "I see. Well then, allow me to get you set up. How many people, and for how long?"

"Just two for a night, Manager-san."

"Oh? So short? Why that's hardly any time at all. You'll have no time to see anything the city has to offer," Akuma said.

"My Master didn't feel like staying long," Shizune replied. "We've been on the move recently, and this was something of an impulse stop for her."

Akuma chuckled. "Well, if an impulse led her into my den, then I suppose I should introduce myself to her so that I may thank her for her unexpected patronage." It was no impulse, Akuma knew. His powers let him place a lasting, if mild, emotional projection on the building, causing people to drop their inhibitions and become curious while outside, and feel both happier and relaxed on the inside.

Shizune led him to Tsunade, who, despite the alterations to her mind, was already frowning at her slot machine. Akuma was mildly surprised at how much she had reversed her apparent age; the last time Naruto had seen her, she was nearly forty in appearance. Now, she was barely twenty, if even that. She was still as massively endowed as ever, though.

As there was nobody immediately around Tsunade, when Shizune stopped, Akuma decided to act a little bit. "She? _She_ is your master? Impressive. I would hardly expect a woman so young to already be such a master of her craft that she would take on an apprentice older than her in age. Unless..."

Tsunade had heard him by this point and had turned around. She looked mildly flattered by the compliments, but Akuma's _unless_ made her raise an eyebrow. "Unless _what?"_

"Unless you meant _master_ in a more... _risque_ way." Akuma waggled his eyebrows at Tsunade.

"What the hell did you say, punk?!" Tsunade growled, jumping to her feet.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune exclaimed. The pig she was carrying oinked loudly. Both were ignored.

Akuma's grin didn't fade. "I kid, I kid. I know who you are, Slug Princess Tsunade. I wanted to welcome you to my humble little establishment." He turned to the sannin's apprentice. "I guess that makes you two Shizune-san and Tonton-pi."

Shizune took a step back. "Gah! You know me and Tonton?"

Akuma shrugged. "Know _of_ is more accurate. I'm acquainted with Jiraiya-san, Minato Namikaze-sama, and Naruto-san. They told me about you and Shizune."

"Hopefully nice things, for their sakes," Tsunade said.

"Oh, it was very nice," Akuma replied. "Especially Jiraiya, who, shall we say, waxed poetic about your beautiful... _personality."_ He grinned. "I am curious, though. I heard that you were a strong woman with an equally strong pride, one that wouldn't let her back down from a wager."

"Depends on the wager," Tsunade replied, clearly interested.

Akuma's grin stretched even wider. "Now, while I am no ninja, I do happen to be fairly strong and have some knowledge of chakra use. I also know how strong you're rumored to be. I propose a bet: you and me, fight to surrender. You win, I give you 20,000 ryō, a two-bed bedroom free of charge, and a meal at one of the restaurants I own."

"Interesting, but if you're willing to wager _that_ on a fight against _me_ , what do you get if you win?" the slug sannin asked.

His grin threatened to split his face in half. "I'll give you a choice. One of my closest friends is a ninja with good chakra control, and would love to learn how to use healing chakra. Teach him for a week. Or, spend the night in _my_ bedroom with me."

"You're just a dirty pervert," Tsunade quipped.

"And yet I gave you an option that _wasn't_ perverted, not that I deny being a zealous lover of the human form." Akuma shrugged. "And it's not like I have the skill to actually beat you on this; you're a _sannin._ I'm the _party demon;_ I make things interesting for a living."

Tsunade's glare faded away as she began legitimately considering the offer. "You're on!" she finally replied.

* * *

Akuma was slow. That's just the way it was; with his huge limbs and heavy-weight, he could only move so fast. He could accelerate his body with chakra, yes, but so could Tsunade, and she was better at it than him. Even with the reach of his kanabō aiding him, Tsunade could move in quick enough to dodge, and she could block.

But hitting her was hardly what he wanted to do. No, he wanted physical contact, be it him hitting her or her hitting him. His emotional projection depended on distance, specifically the inverse square of the distance. And unless he stuck a part of himself in one of her many orifices, he could hardly get closer than a skin on skin touch. To aid that, he fought completely shirtless and barefoot.

Much to Akuma's pleasure and Tsunade's _forced_ pleasure, the moment she landed a punch to his exposed abs, she found herself riding a wave or orgasmic bliss. Also, due to human physiology, she found herself with noticeably less chakra as her chakra-infused juices dripped down from between her legs. "The hell?" she panted.

"Exactly." Akuma's leg swept out. She blocked with her own leg, but his Mountain Flower's River jutsu took hold again. However, this time, it had more arousal and lust, aimed at himself, and less bliss; it caused the blush on Tsunade's face to deepen.

"My body..." She punched again without pause, hitting Akuma hard in the gut and sending him flying. He landed hard and pushed back with chakra, causing him to keep rolling so that he could flip back to a standing position.

She was on him again, and the hit connected once more, though it was weaker than before. "What the hell is going on? What is that technique? Aphrodisiac? No, it's too fast."

Akuma stood up again and wiped away the drops of blood he'd coughed up. Even as he stood, he could feel his insides realigning and healing. He let calmness radiate from his body, watching as Tsunade visibly relaxed. "Correct; it's not aphrodisiac," he replied. The demon stepped forwards and slowly reached out a hand. Tsunade made no move to stop him, even as he caressed her face. "It's deeper and infinitely more subtle." He bent down and whispered into her ear, "You've lost, Tsunade. I have your heart, and I have stolen your will to fight. Go ahead, try to hit me."

Tsunade looked down at her own hand, which wasn't even clenched anymore. She found that she could not even raise her hand to slap the man who, in her eyes, was the most perfect specimen she'd ever seen. She remembered fighting him, she remembered thinking him an ugly, lustful pervert, but now she couldn't understand why. Her past-self felt alien to her. Was she in a genjutsu, she wondered. She couldn't even muster the strength of will to try to break out of it. Her thoughts were consumed by the giant in front of her.

"You can't, can you? Admit that you've lost, and I'll let you kiss me."

"I lost!" she shouted. "I lost, I lost, I lost!"

Akuma grabbed her face and held it oh-so close to his own. As he spoke, Tsunade could feel his hot breath on her skin. "Tsunade..." he whispered sensually. Then he suddenly let go and stepped back. In a normal tone of voice, he said, "Wake up."

His jutsu ended, and using the less refined version, he suppressed some of the arousal and lust he'd forced into her. Not all of it, but enough that she could think straight. Then, while turning away from her and starting to walk away, he said, "You said it yourself, Tsunade- _chan_ , you lost. Haku will introduce himself to you later, and I'm staying in room oh-two. Pick your poison."

"Oh, I'm not done with you yet," Tsunade shouted. Her foot stomped _into_ the ground, creating a mini-earthquake that caused Akuma to stumble. She lunged, snatched his kanabō out of his hand, and used it to whack him to the ground. "What did you do to me?"

"Why should I tell you? I already undid it. Unless... you want to feel that again? As much joy and pleasure as you can handle." Desire and curiosity, he pushed those into her as he pushed himself off the ground. "I can make you feel happy again. I can take away your sorrow and your fear... at least for a while. That's what I do; I make people happy."

He started walking away again, and Tsunade didn't move to stop him this time. "Pick your poison, Tsunade. Or don't. You could always run away again."

Five hours later, there was a knock on a particular hotel room door. Akuma opened it up and glanced down. Tsunade looked back up at him. "I really would have thought you would have run."

"My curiosity got the better of me." She stepped inside. "I couldn't stop thinking about what you said, and I thought, _Tsunade, you've been drowning your sorrows for years. Let's try something else._ So, Akuma or whatever your name actually is, let me try drowning my sorrows in you."

"Let's."

The door closed behind Tsunade. Akuma licked his lips. He was a predator, and she his prey.

* * *

Elsewhere, a man who looked distinctly like a venus flytrap emerged from the ground. On the other side of the room, there was a masked man, a blue-haired woman, and an orange-haired man with rippling eyes. **"Leader-sama,"** the black half of the man replied. **"We have identified a possible alternative candidate to Deidara."**

"Yeah," the white half replied. "This guy's like a genjutsu-using Kisame who can take a hit like Hidan."

"Interesting," the rinnegan-bearing man replied. "Keep observing him and judging his skill. If he is worthy of joining our organization, approach him with an offer."

" **Yes, Leader-sama."**

"You got it!"


End file.
